How do i deal with this situation i am going through with a divorce?

Question

I .am going through a divorce, it was my choice. my husband is not accepting what is happening even though i have told him over and over why i need out. He is saying that if we live apart for three months i will learn to love him again. I know this will never happen. i do not love him any more. He wants to live under the same roof as me with our children, even if i dont love him. He is not saying, when he visits the children, he wants to come into the house and spend the evening with them. I feel very uncomfortable with this. Basically he is not understanding that it is over. It has only been a month since i told him. so yes it is early days, but will he start to come round. He tells many lies like pretending he is sad and does not go out, but i find out that he sits with friends in a pub most of the evening. Please can you advise.

Answer 1

You seem pretty settled in your mind - no him, no him in house, a clean cut.
He on the other hand seems wants things to go on the same way, even if you do not love him. It seems to me that you feel this is not helpful because while he is spending time in the family home this is playing into what you see are unrealistic hopes of a reconciliation (perhaps he thinks it lets him off the hook i.e. won't have to do any work in rebuilding the relationship).
The third part of the triangle is the kids, who will fare better if they do see him. This spending evenings at home with them might also send confusing messages to them - are mum and dad getting back.
How would you feel about stating some of this in the following way:
State what you think his feelings are
State what your feelings and needs are
state what you think the kids feelings and needs are
Offer to negotiate but stick to your guns on not having him spend nights at the family home.
It is important to stick to putting his feelings first, as this will give you the best chance of him paying attention.
Hope this helps.

Answer 2

If he still loves you, he will be in denial. You may have very valid reasons as to why you wish to divorce but these reasons may not be apparent to your spouse. He seems to want the single life with his mates down the pub and cosy evenings in with you and the children. Is this the basis of your discomfort? I do not know the ages of the children, but if they are over the age of about 8 years, they will have a view on the situation. Have you discussed the situation with the children? They are often overlooked when divorce looms large and adults needs thrust them to one side. Is not loving him any more the children's fault? Wouldn't have thought so. He possibly feels very comfortable in a place he regards as the children's home. It would seem contact is giving him unrealistic hope for the future. Perhaps you should consider contact should take place at a neutral venue, ice skating, bowling, somewhere where he can chat and interact with the children outside the comfort of what was his home. You have a lot to consider, if you decide the welfare of the children is paramount you will probably do the right thing. Good luck.

Answer 3

hi Warren. I even have under no circumstances been married yet did have desires to get married, have babies and stay thankfully ever after. Now almost fifty, I stay an entire existence taking good care of my niece and nephew for the previous sixteen years by using situations. i'm additionally an RN and so am no longer in easy terms closed off from society extra often than no longer re relationships solid and undesirable. Divorce with regard the couple I until eventually incredibly comprehend them properly can't bypass judgement as who is familiar with what is going on in the back of closed doorways, this is to assert who's telling the actuality. i've got confidence that over the years many women human beings incredibly stayed married as that become envisioned and there have been no help amenities and no jobs for independence. i think of a divorce is a tragic ending to a dream 2 human beings as quickly as shared that ended by using them taking distinctive paths in existence. I have not got any hesitation in voicing loud and long that when abuse on any point is happening then the couple could be seperated and if no longer waiting to be fastened, divorce asap and get on with there seperate lives. i've got confidence maximum sorry for the youngsters and it incredibly is according to this that i do no longer hesitate to choose a pair. whilst a pair with babies, no count number what age, it is going to be accomplished in a fashion that the youngsters are not getting made to be the meet in the sandwich. i've got confidence to stay to inform the tale as a society we could artwork out the way a marriage can artwork in this very cutting-element international for the sake of a healthy family contributors who enable babies to advance up with reliable family contributors routes.

Answer 4

Absolutely go get the papers filed. The longer you wait, the worse it will get. I screwed up in waiting. The lying only gets worse. When a person feels uncomfortable with a situation, there is usually a reason. Go with your gut. But make sure you have temporary custody and visitation papers drawn up at the same time. Don't do like I did. If you don't love him anymore, there is no point in putting off the inevitable.

Answer 5

You need to structure your divorce with an attorney so that your husband knows exactly what his boundaries are concerning visitation. Once this is done he won't have the option to use your children as a means to bond with you. Make sure everything is clear in the divorce proceedings and do not allow him to slide on the rules. This guy is wrong for you and you have already moved on so make it stick!

Answer 6

If your truely sure then stick it out to the end.And under no circumstances make the mistake of thinking that it would be nice just for 1 evening, because belive me you are straight back to square 1.He will eventually get the message.PROMISE.
GOOD LUCK BE HAPPY.

Answer 7

He probably sits in the pub for company. Would you like to go home to an empty house every night.??? Time you sat down alone together, without the kids, and TALKED.... good luck...

Answer 8

if you don't love him get a divorce andcustody of your kid's he can visit your kid's but it's best not to let him stay with you i divorced my first husband and raised my two daughter's i didn't love him we were talked in to marrying my mom hadn't been dead a year when i met him i didn't date him just married him so it lasted 10 years i was unhappy married

Answer 9

when you get some answers let me know, left my hubby nearly a year ago, he still says you,ll be back!! er no i wont i dont love you, thought that would do the trick, how wrong, he,s a brick wall too!! all the best goodluck

Answer 10

you need to actually file for divorce. once he receives his copy of the divorce papers, it should hit home. my ex (almost 2 yrs since i told him i was done with him) still believes i am just trying to teach him a lesson.