Why can't he distinguish the woman from the wife?

Question

In your opinion, is it possible to have a marriage where the husband lives in his own place 3 days of the week and comes back to the family for the other 4, where he says that he will look after his family in every way but needs his space otherwise he feels tied down? My husband of 19 years says just that. He says he has no intention of marrying anyone else as I am already the best wife anyone could want, that he does not want any more children or commitment, that he could never trust anyone else but me. But why has he forgotten that i am also a woman and not just a wife? We get on so well together in every way, we have fun in bed and I am not boring. I am an attractive woman and men have always been attracted to me so I could find another if that is what i wanted. Why doesn't he worry that i could find another? How come he is willing to take that risk? He says that if he has got that wrong then everythinbg he thought about me would be wrong and he has never been wrong in his life.

Answer 1

Oh, wow, I know just what your husband is like. My husband of 17 years doesn't plan on living apart, but he uses the same logic and some of the same lines. The last statement, about him not being wrong, think more deeply into it. It sounds like for 19 years, this man has been controlling you with his words. He is probably very good at getting his way with people. He is probably smart and people are naturally drawn to him. That is because he is talented at manipulation.

Step back, I mean really, how did you even get to a place in your life when you would even ask or consider that such a living arrangement was even plausible? It's common sense that it wouldn't work. (Well for you anyhow.)

Do this, don't think of what will please him or how he will view you. Show this man, but more importantly, show YOU, that you are a real person who is deserving of some basic human respect. Ask yourself what is acceptable to you. It sounds like living apart half time is not acceptable to you. Let him know this is where you draw the line. If he gets another place, tell him, "don't plan on returning." He will test you. He will say things to make you reconcider. Guilt maybe, or turning it back onto you? If he goes, change the locks, have his stuff delivered and get a good attorney.

With a statement like that, it sounds like he is a player. Come on, he doesn't want to feel tied down??? Then he should be single! My husband used this line once. Do yourself a favor, get 3 people in your corner. 1) A P.I. 2) a councelor and 3) a good attorney.

Answer 2

Women like you are exactly why I get so disgusted with females. Everything is always about them all of the time. You can't try to help your husband through this without entertaining thoughts of cheating on him.He might be pulling away from you and the family some right now by not being there all of the time, but he hasn't abandoned you, nor is he even considering doing so. Obviously he is more committed to your marriage, even given the circumstances, then you are. But because of what he is going through, you are considering cheating. If you aren't willing to stick by him and hope that he sticks by you when and if you experience a crisis, then divorce him instead of cheating.

Answer 3

Why does he think he needs his own place? When you are married you live together, that's the whole idea. Sounds like he wants his cake and is planning on eating it as well. Something sounds a little cooky here to me. Seek marriage counseling.

Answer 4

This is an interesting "relationship". I wish I knew more about what is going on.

Sounds like he would need therapy to "cure" him of needing the three days away from you and the family.

Answer 5

a husband should live all the time with his wife are you sure he's not with some other women when he's not living with his wife it sounds fishy to me if he loved you he'd be living all the time with you