Does anyone feel like if they are nice people take advantage of that?

Question

I feel that I always have to have my guard up with people, especially since I have kids. When they make a comment and if I just laugh it off or agree with them they continue to make comments or tell me what to do or how to do it. Not just with children but with what I should do with my finances or my home, etc. I feel like if I am a little bitchy yet nice and polite at the same time I get more respect from people and they don't try to step all over me. Does anyone else feel this way?
I almost feel like treat others how you want to be treated does not really apply to real life, the nicer you are the ruder people can get and more they try to take advantage of you. But if a person protects themselves by taking a stand from the beginning it seems to earn that person some respect. Do you know what I mean, am I making myself clear?
I'm no way saying I should walk around telling people off. I just mean not take anyone's crap by letting them know from the start.

Betty B, all the other answers are above your answers.
Also if you want people to contact, like I was going to email you to tell you how to see other answers, you can activate your email so that people can contact you.

Answer 1

I understand. You can be assertive without being rude though. You teach people how to treat you for sure! Regarding parenting..."I'm the mama" is all you need! Good luck!

Answer 2

Perhaps in a simpler world, the "treat others as you want to be treated" approach would yield positive results time after time but realistically, people are unpredictable. Giving and showing respect and consideration, is certainly no guarantee of being shown those things in return; And in fact as you've apparently noticed yourself, being too nice can often be an engraved invitation for others to walk all over us. Or at least it can truly appear that way...

So, do we go through life with our guard up 24/7 and hope to be able to protect ourselves from ever being a doormat for anyone else to wipe their feet on? No, because the only thing that would accomplish is to slowly isolate ourselves emotionally and thus make the people around us uncomfortable. Sooner or later the "protect myself" state of mind will utterly fail us and bring us back to the drawing board all over again.

Despite our very best efforts to protect ourselves, we will still at times be hurt, disrespected and disappointed by others (even those closest to us), it's unavoidable, it's *going* to happen regardless of if you're nice, mean or somewhere in between.

So what then is the solution? In the end we always find that the more we try to protect ourselves, the more hurt and disappointment we'll endure from the effort. My advice to you is the same advice I try to give myself: Don't try to fight negativity with more negativity, you will lose that fight every time despite the fact that it may not be so apparent at first that you've lost...

Remember that appearances can be very deceiving, so if you try to harden yourself to avoid being hurt, it may appear at first that the approach is working and working well... But inevitably you may find yourself rethinking things.

Be true to yourself and keep rolling with the punches. We can not prevent others from hurting us, we can only prevent ourselves from hurting other people.

Answer 3

I hear the comment "You are so nice and thoughtful." But when it comes time to help me out, noone is there. For example, I have been watching a friend's infant son one afternoon every week. This week she called and asked if I wasn't doing anything if I could watch him while she went out. Seriously! I told her I had errands to run, she said I could bring him with me! Unbelievable. Now if I wasn't a nice person, I would have told her to be a mother and come take care of her son. But no, I told her fine and I took care of him. It's a little ironic though, because while he was with me he rolled over for the first time. I called her and told her. But hey, if she had been home instead of flitting around town, she would have seen it. But yes, nice people DO get taken advantage of. Absolutely.

Answer 4

That is a good question! I have found the same.

A friend's brother's psych prof. told the class, "People LIKE getting treated like dirt. They just love it." I thought at first, "That's crazy." but then looked around me & found the most popular people were the meanest.

By the way, I would like to see the other answers. I`m new to this website & don`t know how to access them. How do you do that.

Answer 5

I totally agree with you and the comments you have had already but I am a strong believer in the saying .....You have to be cruel to be kind. I think in the end you can be nice but there is always someone who takes the pi**. You have to make a stand and put your foot down, otherwise you spend your whole life being helpful and nice to others... When's it your turn???

Answer 6

I understand totally. Sometimes, I feel like I am the one constantly doing and giving. And that those closest to me, take and take. Though my problem is, I feel like if I say no, then I'm being a b**ch. If I don't give, then I think, I'm not being the person they expect me to be. Which isn't to say I'm being the person I want to be. Now, I'm probably not making any sense. lol I don't blame you, for wanting to let people know you won't take it anymore, I want to do the same thing, sometimes!!

Answer 7

I know exactly how you feel, I have a couple of family members who would only talk to me when the wanted 1) me to watch their kids or 2)my husband to fix something for them (their guys are useless). I basically told them that I was done letting them take advantage of us because we were nice people, haven't heard from them since.

Answer 8

yes , its all too easy to be thoughtful and patient , patience being the most important characteristic with children , but the truth is a bit of honesty is like a strong breeze from the north , refreshing and exile rating