I feel as if my husband ignores me or just doesnt want to spend time with me. I am angry/upset at least 4 days out of the week. I feel he and I are invovled in 2 seperate marriages. His marriage his happy and great, mine on the other hand is very difficult and depressing. I try talking to him but he likes to yell, and I cant stand and listen to that, so I walk away, and continue on with my silent treatment.
We have not slept in the same room in over a week now and there are a few excuses he has for that. I want to move back home, but he claims he loves me and wants me to stay, but I dont know why. I feel as if he hates me or something.
I dont know what to do, I feel like maybe we should just call it quits and start over, but I dont know.
Any suggestions?
2007-02-19 00:44:35 · 11 answers · asked by lalala 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i would move back home
give it some time if he does not try to patch it up then you know for sure
when you love someone you want them happy you want to hear about their bad days and good days and you want to help fix them
it sounds to me if he does not truely love you and that is unhealthy
it only makes you bitter and you have to be happy and love yourself and being in that type of relationship does not make you happy or love yourself
2007-02-19 00:50:05 · answer #1 · answered by elite_women_rule_the_rock 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Figure out exactly what you think you need from him. Write him a letter but becare not to accuse him or blame him. The letter is not about him it is about you. Ask him what he thinks you need. Tell him what you need but don't use language that makes him feel hurt or angry. Examine yourself, too. Are you hard to spend time with? Do you have something that you both really enjoy doing? Could you guys get away for a few days? Make an effort to have a really good stress free time. Have wild sex. Don't let the little things bother you. A great weekend away can help many things. Good luck and don't throw in the towel too soon. All marriages have ups and downs. If there is no abuse and you love each other you can work it out.
2007-02-19 08:58:27 · answer #2 · answered by crichmond1000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys are horrible at this kind of coversation. You say you think that his side of the marriage is happy and great. Guys don't need the same things that women do. Try to be very specific about what you want. Give me more attention is way too vague for a guy. Tell him you want him to take you out on a date on Friday night. Tell him you want to spend a few minutes going out for a walk. That stuff he can do because he gets it. Also, as hard as it is, try not to be upset around him. No guy wants to be in the same room as an angry woman. It makes them shut down and close off. But don't cry either. Just be calm and specific about what would make you happy. If he wants to change the way things are, he will make an effort.
2007-02-19 08:56:42 · answer #3 · answered by Deborah B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you both need a safe place to talk -- this is what a good family therapist creates -- helps you both to talk and hear eachother.
Most couples -- even happy ones -- live in two different worlds -- the worlds just have some common territory where they agree to come from time to time. Some times we miss eachother on that common territory. But when that happens, we realize that this is not the other members fault.
If you don't like the way he yells, take ownership of what you are willing to listen to and what you are not. Be clear, but non-judgemental when you let him know that you would be happy to listen to him when he uses a calm tone of voice. Then observe the kinds of things you are doing to provoke any outbursts... the "silent treatment" is usually not any more welcome than yelling.
What are you doing to enjoy life with him -- does he have a hobby where you can participate? Do you have a hobby where he can participate (willingly?)
Maybe try taking walks together -- just start at a half mile. No need to talk -- walk in your neighborhood.
2007-02-19 08:58:22 · answer #4 · answered by snickersmommie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the good thing is it sounds salvageable. There's no cheating going or or abuse so it sounds like you both need counseling - marriage counseling - to work out whatever it is that is causing him to act this way. Silent treatments aren't good and neither is sleeping on the couch but I can understand why you do this if he's yelling and you think he hates you. Definitely get counseling as you'll hear a lot of people say. Marriage counselors are trained for these things and could probably help! Sounds like it should and can be saved(if you love him and want it to work of course) - some aren't but yours sounds like it can be with some work.
Good luck,
Tori
2007-02-19 08:55:47 · answer #5 · answered by Incognito 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriages can hit rough patches. What you need to do is tell him he needs to "help you" make your way back. To just say he loves you is not enough. Something has made your heart turn sour and it will take the both of you to help you through this.
Plan a quiet dinner out. You will need to grab his hand and look him in the eyes and tell him you don't feel 100% in this marriage and tell him why. Make sure that when you present the problem, make sure you have a solution in mind. Tell him what it's going to take to bring you back into the marriage and help you get back to that 100%. If he loves you like he says, then he will help you make your way back.
If he doesn't want to help you and he is content as things are, then this marriage is unbalanced and you will grow to resent him. Sometimes being apart can help both of you realize how much you need and love each other. You may have to move back home temporarily. Hopefully, he will do the right thing and "help" you make your way back, so you won't have to move out.
2007-02-19 08:58:24 · answer #6 · answered by Jennifer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
may b u people got feed up with each other ,or may b there is some1 else n his life but still he doesnt want to leave.Best is u ppl should take a break 4m eachother for some times to understand eachothers importance n d life.trust me then u can decide better.
2007-02-19 08:50:58 · answer #7 · answered by sherry 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion is for you to go to marriage counseling. In this case it would probably be better for you to go alone at first.....but if you're committed to it and find the right therapist you can make your marriage better.
2007-02-19 08:58:26 · answer #8 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you don't talk...communicate...you don't sleep together....ummmm you call that a marriage??? No reason to stay in a situation like that...not even a relationship if you can not talk.
be cool...
2007-02-19 08:50:05 · answer #9 · answered by CC Babydoll 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i suggest counseling to try to discuss what is going on here.
2007-02-19 08:48:12 · answer #10 · answered by island3girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋