What do you think about smacking children?

Question

I believe it's wrong, how does a child learn from being assaulted and physically abused. How beneficial is it to have memories of your role models (parents) being violent? Is it not better to work on building their self-esteem and teaching them that if anyone assaults them its wrong? I believe making them feel they are worthy of respect serves them well.
What about all those crazy, unbalanced individuals who bleat 'it never did me any harm' I think the Scandinavians can teach us a lot, they outlawed it first and they seem fairly balanced and less troubled than a lot of cultures.

Arnoldmick, Firstly referring to me as a child merely indicates that your judgment is off, I am a grandmother to 4, I think your comments show you to be rude, You are misguided in deciding I have no personal experience, I believe you to be, once again, mis-guided when you do not/cannot acknowledge that for every 'dispassionate study' you find there will be another 'dispassionate study' that has the oppsite findings, Once again you are mis-guided in presuming that I have no qualificatrions in this area I have several recognised qualifications in Cognitive-Behaviorol Theraphy. Yet again you're misguided in your strange assumption that just because your wife's ansestors were Swedish I have little understanding of their culture My Mother is Danish and I have been a frequent visitor. With so many examples of just how mis-guided you are I cannot see how anyone would be interested in anything requring your judgement. You answered me with so much arrogance and patronization you amused me.

Dovie you are a foolish person if you make such Statements as 'no child was EVER harmed emotionally by a good(?) spanking' How can you state things so categorically?

Answer 1

It's wrong and ineffective (unless you want your children to resent you and never trust you).

Answer 2

Smacking should never be excessive- nor should it be the method of first resort. It is, however, a method used throughout the animal kingdom, of which we are part, to show extreme displeasure. Smacking is a less harmful method of punishment than many other such as "the naughty corner" which isolates a child and can cause psychological problems. I was smacked fairly often as a child but I was also shown a lot of love. My parents had four boys of which I was the youngest and we must have driven my mother to distraction. I can only remember one occasion when I felt that the smacking was unjustified. It is wrong of you to label those who disagree with you as "crazy individuals" just because they have a different point of view. I only remember smacking my own son once (for doing something he had been warned several times not to do) as he was putting himself and others in danger. I never smacked my daughter. Both my children were well behaved when they were young but we did establish boundaries which they knew not to cross and they were left in no doubt who was ultimately in charge. I think it is very important to establish a good loving relationship with your children where punishment of any kind is the rare exception rather than the rule. You can only do this by investing time and experience with them. Good luck!!

Answer 3

I think that it's wrong. My arguement for why though is super simple. If you hit a child (be it a slap, smack, tap, whatever you want to call it) you are showing them that in some cases, being violent with someone and hitting them is okay.

You cannot dispute that. Children learn from example. If you hit them, they are learning that in some situations hitting is okay. A child rarely has the ability to differentiate between; you hitting them when they have done something wrong, and them hitting another child when they have done something they view is wrong, or them hitting you when they believe you have done something wrong. In weaker children it could also show them that someone hitting them is okay, which could lead to children staying in an abusive relationship (it's a big leap I know, but the connection is clear 'my parents hit me and that was ok, because i had done something bad. this man or woman is telling me i have been bad, therefore i must have and it's ok for them to hit me.)

I defintely think you should be able to disipline children without resorting to physcial violence. I'm sorry but i don't beleive there are any situations that hitting a child is okay. There are so many other ways you can do that, which still punish the child, but don't teach them that violence is ok.

And people who say a little tap doesn't matter, maybe to them it doesn't, but when you are a child you cannot differentiate well between a slight tap and a real hit if both hurt you.

Also, children who grow up to have a fear of being hit by their parents (and parents who are very strict), may seem to behave more than others, but the minute they are out from under the shelter and discipline of the parents, they are much more likely to rebell and get violent than children who have been brought up with mutual respect for their and from their parents.

Answer 4

There's a difference between "smacking" your children and disciplining them physically. I do believe in physical discipline, if it is done with love and compassion. Spanking a child is completely within this realm. I have three teen-aged daughters who are well behaved and loving human beings. When I'm out and I see these completely obnoxious children running roughshod over their parents it makes me want to walk up and give that kid a smack. Why are children so obnoxious and unruly now? Could it be because parents and teachers do not use corporal punishment and try to reason with children instead? Come on and grow up. No child was EVER harmed emotionally by a good spanking for unreasonable behavior. I am not talking about [arents taking out their own frustrations on children or abusing them with words and hitting. I'm talking about a well-placed spanking on the bottom with verbal warning given beforehand that if the behavior continues that's what will happen. If this is abuse, then I am guilty, but I think not hitting children who need it for guidance is abuse!

Answer 5

While I don't agree with smacking kids, there are situations that require immediate and firm resolve when you are training them.

When a two-three year old child wanders into the street while playing, it truly is frugal to let them know in a firm way that this is not okay. Reasoning with them about the negatives of running into the street because the favorite toy flew out there simply may not be the ideal training method. If the child learns this lesson through cause/effect, s/he may not get to learn it twice.

I'm assuming that a swat, a smack, a spank, a hit, are all interchangeable?

It's important to weigh quick training against cause/effect outcomes. I agree that smacking children is undesirable, but I also believe that when we issue blanket rules about anything, we risk impacting someone negatively.

Live well

Answer 6

Mia, you don't seem to have the experience or the professional training to enable you to judge. Children do need to know that there will be unpleasant consequences for misbehavior. Merely "taking away privileges" does not work. Children will push the envelope, and when you've run out of privileges to take away, then what?

Poor choices often result in pain. Riding your bike too fast can lead to a collision with the ground - that hurts, and you resolve not to ride too fast. Playing with firecrackers can lead to a painful burn, which leads one to realize that one should not play with firecrackers. Teasing a neighbor's dog can get one bitten, and one learns to leave the dog alone! One can go on and on with such examples of pain having a benefit, and you're certainly aware of that. It turns out that until the consequences cause real physical pain, many children will simply continue the misbehavior. An open palm applied smartly across the child's buttocks will get the message across when nothing else will.

Your remark about "crazy unbalanced" is a straw man. Your pointing to the Scandinavian peoples indicates that you have little meaningful experience with Scandinavians. There is as much domestic and social turmoil amongst them - my wife is of part Scandinavian ancestry - as among any other group you can name. Yes, Scandinavians spank their children. The various laws against child abuse in Scandinavian society do not explicitly ban all forms of corporal punishment. They are meant to forestall extreme violence.

You seem to believe that an occasional spanking warps a child's development for life. That's simply not borne out by dispassionate professional study. What is borne out is that children who never learn that consequences of misbehavior can be severe often become the adults who respect no boundaries at all.

Don't judge me for how I raised my six children until you've achieved equivalent experience, child. You cannot conceive of the challenge parenthood brings until you've been there yourself.

Answer 7

I think it's something that should be done only as a drastic measure to prevent small children from putting themselves in immediate danger (a young child who has a tendency to run in the street). A smack on the butt is better than hit by a car. But again, only as a drastic measure, when a message needs to be sent and understood, and NOW. I was smacked once, by my father when I was about 5- and while it didn't traumatize or scar me, it did impress me a hell of alot and I never repeated what got me to that place. Maybe I didn't trust him for awhile, but hell, I got over it.

Answer 8

My mom thinks that smacking a child's hand after they had done something wrong is right because they will remember from the pain not to do it again, and know the consequences it they do it.

Personally, I think that smacking children is wrong. I agree with you, but punishment is still needed. How would they learn without it? Sitting in a corner (timeouts) are probably the best...

Answer 9

I don't believe kids should be hit. I admit I have given my son a swat on the bottom when I was really angry with him, but it wasn't a hard swat, and I felt bad about doing it. What I can't stand are parents who smack their kids in the face, or worse. My own father used to hit me in the head so hard that I saw stars and even one time wet my pants. He also used to kick me. But of course it was all because I "deserved" it. Did it make me more obedient or respectful? No. It just taught me that I am worthless and undeserving of respect. It taught me fear and hate and mistrust. Corporal punishment is just a crutch for parents incapable of dealing with their kids.

Answer 10

I don't agree with smacking at all. I was beaten as a child with anything my dad or mom could get their hands on. Belts, cables, dog leashes...you name it they used it.

It didn't make me and my sister "good" kids.....we still hit each other and still acted like "KIDS". All it taught us was to be afraid of both my parents. And that is something I don't want my kids to feel.

I also don't think that timeouts really work. My grandma used to make me kneel on a bag of hard pea's for 20-30 mins. Sometimes holding a potted flower. OUCH!!

I tried timeouts for a while with my son and daughter and yes, it did calm them down for that moment but I didn't really find it to work like they say it works.

I for that reason use the sticker chart. I know lots of people say that doesn't work either but in my case it works. I say at the beginning of the week how many stickers they need at the end of the week and if they hit that amount they get $2. Now, if they want something like a DVD, game, book whatever....I don't go out and just buy it for them. I make them save us for it. Sometimes it takes 2 months but if my son is doing something wrong or throwing a fit I give him to the count of 3 to stop and if he doesn't he looses a sticker. If he doesn't something good he gets a sticker. At first it didn't affect him but when he realized at the end of the week that his sister got $2 and he didn't...it really hit him. He threw a fit of course but the week after he was better and knew I meant business when I said he'll loose a sticker. This took a lot of work for me but I was consistent with it and now 1 year later I'm still using this method and it works like a charm for me. Especially when we're out in public, if I need him to be on his best behaviour then I bribe him with 5 stickers. That's when he tries really hard and doesn't give me much problems while shopping either.

And because of this I find myself not yelling as much as I used to and never feel the need to want to hit any one of them. =)

Answer 11

I adamently disagree with you. Your method of discipline is less effective and the proof is the growing levels of violence in this counrty. I think kids deserve a spanking when they need it and the parent deserves a good smack for allowing the child to act out in public.