I married him before actually dating him and now i can't have sex with him. What is to be done?

Question

We met online and totally fall for eachother. After a long distance relationship of about 4 months, we got married. I know that's crazy but we're both insecure, past our teenage years & none of us wanted to risk it. The sex was ok when we first met & spent about 11 days together. I mean, we're both eager to please & from a sexually repressed background thus didn't think it mattered that much. Maybe we didn't even wanna find out, were too scared. Now we are 3 months into the marriage & we just wanna watch movies, kiss & go to sleep; which is bothering me big time. I mean wasn't this supposed to be the time in which we can't keep our hands off eachother? What next, right?! Or are we going through the "dating" stage? If so, what is going to happen if we found out that we aren't THAT sexually attracted to eachother? Or are we NOT sexually attracted to eachother at all. If so, what shall i do? I know he can have sex every night if he put his mind to it but not so easy for me. Help!!!

Answer 1

Wow, what a question, I see a lot of answers, but they just don't cover it all. This should fix your sex problems/relationship problems.

Him
Low sex drive
He may have a low sex drive. This can be caused because of poor diet, lack of exercise, stress or other factors. He should get to the gym regularly, so that you two can have a long healthy marriage together. I don’t know what kind of shape he’s in now, but if he’s in great shape and works out often, I’m willing to bet his sex drive would be higher.
Switch you’re his diet to include around 40% protein, 30% carbs, 30% fats. Make sure he gets 5-6 meals per day. Multiple high protein meals increase testosterone (which increases libido/energy level/brain health). Whey protein powder is delicious now days, designer whey is one of my favorites; you can even make pancakes with it.
Studies show that for a period of time after weight lifting or cardio, testosterone levels in men skyrocket. The more often they are raised, the higher their average level will be. I’m trying to cut down to a lean 185 for a fight coming up, so I’ve been working out a lot more often, like 2 twenty minute workouts at the gym a day, a 10-15 minute session on the punching bag once or twice a day, plus jiu-jitsu. Working out so often is causing muscle to build like crazy, fat to burn like an oil fire, and my sex drive to go through the roof. I’ve got a constant hard on, almost as bad as HS levels.
He’s not into it
Maybe he’s got some hang-ups sexually. Maybe he was raised somehow to believe that sex is for pro-creation, something like that. You can get over that, but it will take time. You’ll need to somehow teach him that it’s ok to enjoy sex….I don’t know, I’m just guessing on that one.
He’s getting it elsewhere. Maybe either because he doesn’t feel like you enjoy sex as much, or maybe because he’s simply addicted, he’s already enjoying internet porn behind your back. Porn and masturbation are healthy within reason, but they can get out of control. How do you find out if he’s doing this? Simple. Take the computer to the shop for an update or repair or something, make sure it stays for like a week. If he suddenly can’t keep his hands off you, then you know he’s been playing around online. Don’t get mad, just pose a question on how to handle this on yahoo answers, and see if you can get a little help on that.
You
You don’t make him feel wanted
You said the sex was “ok.” If your response to your sex was lackluster, he may not feel the drive to perform more. When I am with a woman who is loud, talks dirty, tells me how big my c%#k is and how good it feels, the sex is so much better. I am driven so much more to perform better/more often. When I am with a woman who quietly orgasms, and who barely audibly moans, who simply snuggles satisfied after, my desire to f@#k her again is diminished.
You can help him want you more, by scheduling sex. Tell him you want to please him, and how much you miss him inside you. Tell him how good it feels, tell him how much you miss his big c@#k f@#king you. Leave him a note in the morning, saying 9:30 P.M. his oral services are required. Give him a coupon for a free B.J. whenever he wants it. Let him give you that, and anytime, anywhere you have to give him a B.J., no questions or reciprocation required. Sneak into the bathroom when he’s showering, and wash him. Wash him down there for a long long time. The more you make him feel wanted, the more he’ll be into it.
Don’t simply say “I’m in the mood, I want it now” that makes it sound like a chore or an obligation. Don’t underestimate how much oral sex helps in a relationship, it makes the other party feel VERY desired, very wanted that their partner simply wants to make them feel good.
I find it extremely arousing to hear that a woman wants my ***, I know deep down most women really don’t get off on a lot of ***, but, when a woman tells me she likes it a lot, I’m likely to save it up for her. If I have the urge to take care of things myself on my own, if I know the girl I’m seeing wants to feel a lot of it inside her/on her, whatever, I’ll pass up the urge to take care of it.
There is a website that I like a lot, and I think is great for couples, called www.literotica.com. It’s a story website, a lot of great stories/a lot of bad written by amateurs. Maybe log him on, slip under the computer desk and blow him while he reads a story out loud to you. I doubt he’ll make it to the end of the story before he takes you back to bed to finish it on your own. You’ll learn a lot of kinky fun ideas to try in the bedroom as well. Since it’s stories, you don’t have to feel insecure that he’s checking out other women. Maybe even write a story of your own, and share it with him.

You’re not physically attractive
Love isn’t blind. It can blind temporarily, but you might not be in very good shape. I always assume women on yahoo, especially women without photo’s, are a bit overweight. Don’t get mad at me for saying this, but if you’re chunky or flat out big, that isn’t sexy or healthy, but you already know this.
Start getting in shape, start getting in better shape. Eat healthier, exercise more. You’ll feel better, you’ll look better, you’ll even get smarter. There are endorphins released for a great workout, referred to as “runners high.” That’s part of the reason I’ve switched to more workouts throughout the day. Great weight loss benefits, great energy and mood changes.
Your Relationship
Shock
Marriage is a huge change. He may have wanted to be married, but wasn’t prepared for the changes needing to be made. It’s ok, every new couple goes through this, but go through it together, work it out.
Stress
Stress. A new marriage has a lot of stress naturally. It’s a big step, a huge change. You two have to adapt to one another. Three books to read to help you two understand one another, these are critical. Before you seek therapy, pound these books out, together if possible, your relationship will be better for it if you can. Freuds “Sex and Sexuality” Mitch Alboum’s “Tuesdays with Morrie” and “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” With increased understanding of one another, a great deal of stress will be lifted from your new relationship. Seek counseling if it continues to be a problem.
It may not be things going on at home. He might have a tough time at work, a tough time with family or friends. Stress can cause depression, decrease libido, cause people to distance themselves from one another. If you seek counseling, this may help with those issues.
Counseling
EVERY relationship should seek counseling. When two people combine their lives together, that’s a lot of compromise, a lot of changes that have to be made. The first two years of marriage are the hardest. This statistic isn’t proven, but I’d say 50% of marriages divorce in the first two years, 25% grow so far apart they divorce later, and 25% grow together and become stronger. The odds aren’t in your favor, work it out.
You two said you both came from sexually repressed backgrounds, work hard to make sex something you both look forward to and crave. Sex is a blast, but when you break it down, how long do you really have sex, maybe 3 hours out of every day? That’s 1/8 of your life together, its important, but don’t let that 1/8 rule the other 7/8ths.
For fights, use Yahoo answers or hire a mediator. Both post your point of view on a situation, and let people put in their two cents based on the facts. It will give you two time to cool down, and it will also help you to see that you both have valid points of view on an issue, that can be difficult to see during a marriage.

Answer 2

It sounds as though you are not sexually or mentally attracted to him. The first year of a relationship is suppose to be the happiest times for couples. You normally can't keep your hands off each other and want to be around them all the time. Then when you get married, its like the first year again, you fall in love all over again. If you aren't feeling this, then you have a problem. You didn't get to know each other before you rushed into marriage. If you want to make this work, try marriage counseling. If you don't then take some time to yourself and sort out what you really want!

Answer 3

Don't be so quick to assume that guys can have sex on demand. This is not true.

Okay, you married without thinking it through. Believe it or not, this is very common, although in your case it is more extreme than most.

It sounds like you both need to put some effort into this marriage if that's all you do. There's nothing wrong with movies, kiss and sleep but you do need to be intimate from time to time too. It sounds like you need to talk with each other about your troubles.

I met my wife on the 'net, and we were talking for some years before we met in person. I was not prepared for the shock of being physical with someone I knew so well but had not so much as touched before. It was a strange situation and one which we did not force. We got there in the end though.

Answer 4

Ya'll may be married, but you need to step back and start the dating thing, the traditional dating thing. People sometimes find it to be more articulate when typing something than when they are actually in the presence of others. There's also the whole net life meets real life thing to contend with. You speak of a sexually repressed background, which may be holding this relationship back and has to be dealt with individually. Honey, you skipped the dating phase! You went right to the after the honeymoon stage. Start over if you really love this person, you both deserve the right to a happy life together, and if not together, then a happy life regardless.

Answer 5

You know most married couples don't have sex every night. A few times a week is closer to "normal".

Just becase you and your new husband aren't in the mood 3 months in doesn't mean you're not sexually attacted to each other it just means your tired and would rather get some sleep. if you guys are fighting and having other problems on top of the decrease of sexual activity then I'd suggest counciling.

Answer 6

Maybe if you agree to have separate beds in separate rooms you can agree to go through a "dating" stage!! You can make up for what you missed getting to know each other first!! Maybe you just aren't "friends" yet!! Then, if the chemistry isn't there and you can't "talk it out" or make adjustments by what each other wants and needs, I would say to find someone else!! I still think you just need to reorder your stages though before you split up!! It Must Be Talked About!! You don't want to spend your whole life like this because you will end up hating him And yourself for being cheated out of the love you needed!! Good Luck!! @8-)

Answer 7

I am sure you will get a lot of answers telling you the same thing, but you should talk to him. The basis of a successful marriage is communication. First and formost, upfront, tell him how you feel. What you described is how my marriage is, and sex might come into the picture less than once a week (which is okay with me). It has to be a mutual feeling, or both won't be satisfied. Talk it over, let him know how you feel.

Answer 8

well yeah that was crazy i met my boyfriend online too and just now after 2 years i moved with him. But if u love each other u can save the relation... why u dont start like with a little "playing" with him to see if that works, if it doesnt talk to him and maybe he doesnt do anything because he doesnt know how u feel! if that doesnt work i think u should take a break of each other!

Answer 9

relax. it could just be a phase in your online fairly tale love affair.you married your better half, and it will take time and effort to get to know each other more. yes, maybe you both jumped into the physical intimacy part early on in your acquaintance, but now that you are married, your love will entail commitment.
love becomes "inspite of" and not just "because of"
try also talking to a close friend, preferrably who's married like you.
maybe on your part, decide that youre in this with him "for the long haul" and thus will do everything to enhance your oneness with your husband.

Answer 10

Today is my anniversary 11 years marriage. I did not have sex with my wife before we got married and after 2 months things was not going well in sex…. But things came naturaly after that and today is a very special day to us.

it is Ok ... just keep trying

Answer 11

You have to really get to know someone before you committ to love them and be with them and be faithful and sexual, etc, etc, etc. for the rest of your life. Chatting online for a few months and then running off to be wed pretty much ensures divorce. I'm sorry this has happened to you. I know others it has happened to also. If you think it is worth saving then you both need a lot of counseling.

I wish you the best of luck!

Take Care,
Tori