our relationship has been rocky for about 2 years, but over the last few months we've really progressed.i found out on saturday he had done something i asked him not to do, and when i brought it to his attention, he lied to me. i feel that he thinks i'm stupid & the big problem is not what he did(it wasn't major) but the fact he looked me in the eyes & lied to me.if he's willing to lie about little things, i'm worried about what else he could be hiding.(he has given me lots of reasons to not trust him)he has said he didn't admit it because he didn't want to fight,but i think that is a horrible excuse.he then said very hurtful things & hasn't apologized for any of it. i don't want things bad between us anymore,but i am hurting so....should i just try to forget about it?(i have tried to discuss it with him-he refuses)i don't want to hurt, but i want things ok.any advice,please?thank you
2007-02-19 00:33:03 · 14 answers · asked by jazjam♥ 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Happy Birthday to you, I hope you have a nice day. Well.....your man is not being forthcoming with you and you are right about his not being truthful with you to avoid a "fight" is him again not being truthful. His refusal to talk to you about it is making it worse. I would sit him down explain that your'e not able to move forward in the relationship unless it is discussed. His lying about little things would make Any person wonder "what else does he lie to me about? I hope you are able to resolve the problem the way you would like it to end up but.....don't let him continue hurting you. It appears it is all at your expense. Shame on him!
2007-02-19 00:43:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a similar problem with my husband. Although in every thing else, I can tell he really loves me, he lies to me about little things and really chips away at my foundation of trust in him. I find it hurtful and at times I have considered divorce because of the lies. I despise a liar or a thief and he knows that, but continues to lie to me under really lame circumstances where I would find it easier to tell the truth. My counselor told me that this is an issue that goes way back to something unresolved with his mother in childhood which has been triggered by the reaction I show when I catch him telling a lie. She told me to not point out the lie at all. Instead, I am to try a different reaction by maybe saying how much I love him and let him know that he can talk to me about anything. Also to let him know that even though he might sometimes do things I really don't appreciate, that none of those things will ever be enough for me to end our relationship because I love him so very much. We can get through anything that comes because of our love. Well, I thought, "Yeah, right!" But I tried it and now he is trying really hard to not tell the little lies anymore. It is really sweet the way he does it too because I can see the little boy in him as he "talks to his mommy" in fear of getting into trouble again. It might not work for others, but it worked for him. It is worth trying if you really love this man. And go ahead, forgive him!
2007-02-19 00:51:17 · answer #2 · answered by froggsfriend 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For starters Happy Birthday! And weather you forgive him is a personal choice. Do you think you still love him like you did before the trubble? Does he still love you and wants to still be with you till death due you part? If the answer to any of these questions is no you should tell him how you feel exactly and set limits such as " i love you a lot but latly i feel like you've been putting me on hold with little lies and i'm to sure if i can still trust you". if he refuses to talk you know something is wrong becuase a husband should always be there to talk with share feelings and help you. If he isnt willing to help sort out your feelings exspecially if they are about him you are in a little bit of trubble. If you have kids you need to set a good example as an adult that you can sort out feelings and not fight about it but still slove the problem. If you don't have kids don't even think about having them with him if you aren't sure how your realtionship is going. When bringing a child into this world you both need to be stable and ready for the commitment. If you 2 aren't sure whats going on don't just give in be like whatever its my birthday i'm supose to be happy. Yes be happy but please realize that it won't help with any thing if you don't forgive him whole heartedly. You need to think, where is this going in 2-5 years from now. Do you need to get awat and sort things out with yourself or are you ready to hit the rocks everytime the tinest problem comes up?
good luck and if you are unsure about all this go to somebody for help.
*****sparklestar*****
2007-02-19 00:49:48 · answer #3 · answered by sparklestar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one else can decide this for you because they don't know what you love about him. I'm sorry, but lying is a habit that is way Too Hard to Break!! That's part of his personality now!! You just have to learn what Type of things he Lies about and be willing to skip those and not take his word for it!!
Liars are Liars!! But maybe he only lies about certain things, if you know what I mean!! There are different cases (or categories) for lies!! You are just gonna find out what he lies about and what he doesn't!! You must be worried he will cheat!! Then you have to find out and watch him. That's the truth!!Good Luck Hon!! @8-)
2007-02-19 00:44:29 · answer #4 · answered by Dovey 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The way you approach and talk to your hubby is very important. At times, the way he behaves towards you is because he's having a male depression syndrome. You should always forgive your husband even if he doesn't ask for that coz' that's your man. If you don't forgive, you are telling yourself that you've made a wrong choice in the first place by marrying him. Please know that only thru forgiveness, then healing in marriage takes place.
2007-02-19 00:43:24 · answer #5 · answered by superb2dmax 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The answer is in the very words you've written down.
He says very hurtful things, looks you in the eye and lies, refuses to discuss the problem, and never apologizes for a thing.
So you want to forgive him. Well, isn't that special.
Forgiving him will tell him, "it's okay for you to say very hurtful things to me, to lie to me, and never apologize for your incredibly rude behavior, because you can treat me like sh*t and I will forgive you."
You might think you are being the more mature, bigger, magnanimous person - he will take it as you are weak and stupid and under his thumb - and BEGGING FOR MORE ABUSE.
Here's my guess. Even though he refuses to dicuss his problems, you still give him all the p*ssy he wants, right? Right. "But I love him and my love will change him." No, it won't. He is a USER. An uncaring, selfish, abusive USER.
Try this little experiment. Keep it short and to the point. No wandering or detailing ALL your feelings. He won't hear it all. OBVIOUSLY. Tell him, "I've tried to talk to you about some issues that are extremely important to me. You don't think they are important at all. But they are. So, until we sit down and you talk about why you mistreat me and lie to me and say hurtful things to me, no more sex." Then stick to your guns and don't give him any. Whenever he asks why, always answer with the exact same thing: "I can't be intimate with someone who lies to me, says hurtful things to me, and treats me like dirt."
I normally despise women who use their p*ssy as a weapon but it's the only thing he will listen to. My next guess is one of two things will happen:
[1] you will give in because you are incredibly weak and he has control over you and you enjoy being treated like sh*t and nothing will ever get better in your marriage because of your history of abuse and your firm refusal to look at yourself in the mirror and admit you are co-dependent and you like being abused
or
[2] You will leave him, because he isn't about to change, but at least you won't be dragging 3 or 4 of his idiotic loser kids around behind you as you look for another man.
2007-02-19 01:15:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think u should forgive him.By ur mail i came to know that u r too much possisive about ur husband.Might b he is feeling he lost his independence!I know husband r dangerious when they r free but give him some space,he will find the change n u and start to hide anything from u .
2007-02-19 01:01:04 · answer #7 · answered by sherry 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will not get anywhere if he is unwilling to talk about it. If you two can not communicate....your doomed. If he wants to be married he has to understand that there are times when talking about issues (even ones that lead to arguments) are still necessary to work out.
2007-02-19 00:39:13 · answer #8 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you forgive him ? If not don't forgive him and put it on the back burner it will always come back . If you want things back to normal just tell him you are willing to put this behind you but you will not forget it . Then continue on with your life . GOOD LUCK ! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU , HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU , HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR __________ ? HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU .
2007-02-19 00:41:37 · answer #9 · answered by Me777 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you like to fight and argue! Sounds like he is tired of it! Keep making big deals out of nothing and I am sure he will continue to lie and leave you!
Get help! Learn to communicate!
2007-02-19 00:41:05 · answer #10 · answered by me4tennessee 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋