can't do it no more, Sexualy deprived husband married only 4 months, seeking love, sex , and attention.?

Question

I have been living with my wife for 1 year, but married for 4 mos. For little over a year, my wife has not been in the mood to make love, she has given me excuse after excuse, put blame on me, promises to go to consouling but never does. I have felt the physical pain of not having sex, and the emotional pain of not making love or other intimacies with my woman. She has many ways to manuver out of sex, drinking, falling asleep, promises for another day that never comes, going to bed exhaused to claim too tired for sex, picking out every little thing that gets on her nerves just before going to bed. I sick of it. I have talked to her about it to I'm blue in the face. I have gone through emotions from does this woman love me?, is she cheating? Do I not turn her on?, we had a tremendos sex life whats wrong now? I need love and sex, truthfully I'm looking now, I don't want to cheat on my wife, I love her but I can't live life like this. Should I let her know I reached my wits end or just do

Answer 1

you have to communicate with your wife about your true feelings.If you cant communicate with her about your feelings now then you really dont have much of a relationship

Answer 2

If this was an issue before you got married, I'm not sure why you went ahead with it, but maybe you were just caught up in the planning and kept hoping she would get rback to her old self.

Clearly you both need counseling, but if she refuses your hands are tied. Tell her that you can not continue with this marriage without sex and that if she refuses to discuss what is really wrong and won't go to counseling, that you have no other choice but to ask for a divorce.

There is no sense in cheating - you'll only hurt yourself and her. End the marriage before you move on.

Sorry you're going through this. Good luck.

Answer 3

What's wrong is that you've probably burned your wife out, as many husbands do in the first year of marriage. Instead of treating her like the woman you claim to love, you expect her to perform like a sex machine--spontaneously satisfying your every sexual urge. New husbands do this to their wives, because they think marriage gives them a 24-7 right to sex. Not only is this a selfish posture, but it takes all the pleasure out of lovemaking for the wife, exhausting her both emotionally and physically.

If you're that desperate for sex, do your wife a favor and leave. At least she won't have to deal with you every time she climbs into bed. If, on the other hand, you truly love this woman, stop acting like a sex-starved kid and start behaving like a loving husband. Start treating your wife with kindness. Start seeing her as the person she is, not as a robot. Above all, don't use that "is she cheating" nonsense, to discredit her. The woman is tired of being treated like a sex object; and if you keep it up, you will lose both her love and respect.

Answer 4

I can identify with you... you are simply mismatched sexually. SWAGE is a support group for this problem. Come visit others who know this plight.

Cathy - What the hell kind of moronic notion about a man and a woman being married do you have. How Pollyannaish a notion. His wife has a duty to be his sex partner, and can't just abandon this duty. Nobody has the right to imprison another person's sex life.


JF - wouldn't you say his wife is cheating him? Cheating him out of a full marriage. How come she has the right to imprison his sex life?

American Beauty - You have no idea how he treated his wife. Where do you get off assuming he doesn't treat her like a person.... how insulting. You're a very mean person. But you exemplify people that have no understanding of this problem.

Answer 5

Just the opposite here. My wife only wants it once a month or so. I on the other hand would like it 4 or 5 times a week. The funny thing is when we were first together I let her set the frequency which was the 5 or 6 times a week that I like. We get into a fight about it once or twice a year but what's a fella to do?

Answer 6

So, for about 8 months before you got married she started acting in a way that you found unbearable and you still married her? Why the heck did you marry her?

Whoa, where in the Hell is it stated that anyone has a DUTY to perform in sex with their partner? Sex isn't necessary for a person to live, so saying that they HAVE to give it to their partner is one step away from condoning spousal rape. And before you go spaztic on me, I am a married woman with a fairly healthy sex life, but if someone were to tell me that it is my DUTY to be a sex toy for my husband, I would laugh in their face. These two need to seek counseling(if the person behind the id has this problem), and HE needs to quit focusing on JUST HIS side of the problem, and try to help his wife figure out what HER problem is. If he doesn't love her enough to do this(or she for him), then he(she) needs to do both of them a favor and leave.

Answer 7

First of all sorry that this is happening to you! If you have to ask yourself all of those questions it is probably what is going on. Now how would she know exactly how you are feeling if she doesnt know you reached your wits end. You said you love her, if you tried everything, then why are you still hurting yourself? Did you think about going to counseling yourself its not only about her its about you too! Counselors can also come to the home and if she is willing to speak to one in your home that may be a start. Good Luck to you!

Answer 8

i would never condone cheating on your wife, and you say you don't want to do that....clearly the two of you need counseling in your marriage, about issues more than just sex....communication, cooperation, the partnership...it's not working and needs help....your marriage is in critical condition now and if you two don't get help soon, you'll have a lot more problems than just "blue balls"

Answer 9

first you need to realize that you DO NOT NEED sex. You WANT sex. You will NOT die with out it.

Then you also need to understand that when it comes to woman sex is very complicated. Very hard to explain but sometimes it comes to a woman not ever wanting sex again.

She loves you and wants to be with you and take care of you but the thought of having to have sex with you may make her sick to her stomach.

It may in NOT WAY have anything to do with you or her love for you.

DO NOT CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE. You lover her and you need to find out EVERY THING as to why she does not desire sex with you any more.

You also need to know that being intimate with someone does NOT always have to do with sex. .. Being intimate with someone comes in MANY MANY ways.!!

Good Luck.

Answer 10

She hasn't wanted sex for over a year and you married her anyways? Dude, you did this to yourself. Tell your wife that you'll leave her if she doesn't work out her sexual issues.

Answer 11

If you have talked to no avail, tell her thats it! Your leaving,it is grounds for divorce in most states! Its called "non-consorsion". See what her reaction is to that,either it will get some action or it won't,if it doesn't you'd be better off without her!