need advice with my teenage daughter?

Question

my daughter has just turned 16 and is really becoming very hard to control. i am a single mum with a 14 year old son at hom also. my husband and i separated 18 months ago and due to his girlfriends nasty calls to my kids they refuse to see their dad. which i understand has alot to do with my daughters behaviour as she is feeling let down by the dad she totally adores, but he will not believe that his new girlfriend is making these calls when our kids and i tell him. my daughter is going out on weekends and not coming home until the next day, she is lying about where she has been and where she is going. i also know that she has been drinking alcohol and hanging around with people who get into fights. i have had to get the police as other girls came to our home wanting to bash her and her friend, and she has friends over when i am out eating all our food and lazing around the house when they should be at school i am on a disability pension at present and can"t afford this please help me

i have tried talking to her and i really think i am quite a fair mum. i mean i allow her to go out with her friends but i do give her a curfew which she doesnt abide by. i have let her invite her friends over to sit out the back at the entertainment area and listen to their music and talk etc.. but that only turned into a group of teenagers getting drunk and fighting as someone had alcohol in their bag that i didnt know about. and when i do get very angry and ground her or punish her in some way she takes off and says she isnt coming back. now that a few of her old friends have left home i am too scared to say to much in case she leaves and never comes back also.. i love my kids more than anything and just want them to have a happy future and i just dont know what to do to help my daughter to understand what she is doing is not right.

Answer 1

okay first off give yourself credit...you love your kids. You really have the right intent.Now understand your daughter is using the instability in the home as a reason to be irresponsible and reckless. This is dangerous. It could lead to some serious issues. You need to get the dad to meet with you in person asap. Tell him this is both your responsibility and you need to be on the same page. She needs to stop acting out in these ways and hanging out with people that will get her in jail. If he won't help...you need to sit her down alone and tell her there is no more curfews period...she is not to go out until she straightens out. Her friends are not allowed over unless they abide by your rules. Drinking is not allowed at all...you won't lookthe other way anymore. You will inform the police if she drinks, gets into fights or runs away all the time. You have to practice tough love while you have the chance or she will end up a statistic.
Call your local police dept. ask to speak to a officer for advice..since he/she has seen these cases alot. How you can prevent her ending up in jail. Maybe they'll even talk to her.

Answer 2

I can't say I know what you're going through. I only see this sorta stuff on TV. Never knew it was real.

You really need to wake her up to reality. If she keeps on like this, she'll have no future. Education is key and you need to teach her what's right and what's wrong. Alcohol is very damaging, not just physically but psychologically. Friends like hers aren't real friends if they influence her so negatively.

You should get her involved in your local religious group (like a church). Even if you are a free thinker, try to get her involved in a group that engages in positive and worthwhile activities like community service. She must be around people who do good and see the good in your daughter- that will help a lot in changing her attitude.

You should probably look up a counselor in your area to help your daughter. Get professional help as soon as you can, before anything bad further happens to your daughter.

I really hope this helps.

Answer 3

This sounds all to familiar.
I was a teen when my father left and sounds like she is
doing exactly what I did. There is actually time that I have blocked out and don't remember.
If your ex, has insurance on the children you really need to get her some help, someone that is not involved that she can talk to. I wish I had gotten some help as a teen.
She is really angry right now, and even if she doesn't mean to she is taking it out on you, not saying that she
blames you, but taking it out on you because she loves you. "you always hurt the ones you love"
Please try to get her some help.

Answer 4

Short of going to home depot and buying a roll of duct tape and hog tying her with it, there isn't alot you can do with a 16 year old that is this far out of control.

You can beat the daylights out of her, she'd have you in jail. About the only thing you can do is sit down and talk with her about what she's feeling and ask her if there is anything you can do to help her understand what she is experiencing in life.

Talking is about all you can do. But, only do so as a friend and mom, don't talk down to her, and you can help her by helping her building self-esteem. Once she starts feeling good about herself and her abilities she should come out of this type of behavior.

Grounding her won't work, it will just drive her toward the loser friends she has.

Answer 5

try talking to her calm,ask her what can you do to keep her from doing all those things that will eventually get her into trouble. ask her to pick a day for the two of you to go out to dinner and have a long talk with her.good luck

Answer 6

spend some time with her, playing cards or putting together a puzzle or playing board games.

she is starving for attention, and is getting it from the wrong places.

take a day and spend it with her only, going to the library or the museum or for a long walk with a picnic.

she will increase her respect for you and remember these times for the rest of her life.

have a nice day.

Answer 7

you could have not got any matters for the duration of your visits, yet having stated that, they are throughout the time of the summer time whilst she isn't in school. Your ex could be having issues by using fact as a in charge custodial make certain she is in all threat giving the youngster prevalent policies to stay with the help of. babies needless to say do in contrast to policies lots and that's generally the place the matters are available. upload a divorce to the photograph and that i'm confident she's have been given matters. matters which at the instant are not in basic terms going to magically disappear by using fact she strikes and tries to run far off from her mom. notwithstanding you do, do no longer make the errors of thinking issues will immediately be hunky dory whilst she includes stay with you. they could be for awhile, yet threat is, as quickly as you impose some policies and a prevalent ordinary, she would be able to no longer like it to any extent further advantageous with you than with your ex. attempt to make policies as on the element of your ex's as conceivable to be sure stability in the lady's existence and additionally to cutting-edge a united front on your daughter and help your ex as a co-make certain in this dating. they do no longer could be precisely the comparable, you have have been given to be versatile in accordance on your distinctive existence and personalities needless to say, yet i might attempt to have a civil assembly with your ex to make certain what kind of policies and habit she is looking forward to out of your daughter and the place they are not being met. additionally, please get the lady into counseling ASAP if she's no longer already in it. She needs somebody purpose to hearken to her. solid success!

Answer 8

i am so sorry to hear that.

it must be an emotional rollercoaster for you at a time like these.

i guess deep inside your child, she feel hurt at what is going on. it is really an expression of the deep hurt and pain that she may be hiding.

do tell her that u do love her. she may or may not return or reciprocate, but deep inside i think there will be something stirred in her...

i cannot really say that i can understand you completely as i am not yet at that station of life (i am 19)... so i dun think i can really give you much practical advice.
but i just wanna encourage you to press on in this journey of life ok?
it's during times like these, that we cry out "WHY?!"

here's the lyrics of the song "Trust His Heart"
it encouraged me greatly during my tough times, i hope it encourages u too...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All things work for our good
Though sometimes we don’t see how they could.
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth.
Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own.
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just don’t see Him
Remember you're never alone.

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don’t understand
When you don’t see His plan
When you can’t trace His hand
Trust His heart

He sees the master plan
And he holds our future in his hand
So don’t live as those who have no hope
For our hope is found in Him.
We see the present clearly
But He sees the first and the last
And like a tapestry He’s weaving you and me
To someday be just like Him

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don’t understand
When you don’t see His plan
When you can’t trace His hand
Trust His heart

He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

though i may not be able to relate with you, i can emphatise with you. asking you not to worry is going to be really hard. but there is someone who actually knows your pain, your hurt, your scars. He cares for you, and He is calling you.

whether you're a believer in Christ, it doesn't matter, try calling upon Him?
i know i sound kinda cold and pressurising, as if some one who is pushing my faith down ppl's throat. i ain't.

i just emphatise with your pain... i know it is a really hard time for you. trust Him ok?

try praying too... it doesn't matter whether ure a christian or not. prayer really works wonders.

press on! perservere through yea?

:)

~some guy frm singapore....

Answer 9

Ask her who's rules would she rather abide by? Yours or by the people that run juvie homes? She keeps this up and she'll end up in one.

Answer 10

Put her in boot camp!