My ex left me 4 months ago to be with another girl but was generous and friendly. The split is amicable and everything seems cool but there is one problem - my ex has requested i keep my new boyfriend out of my flat with my ex. My ex doesn't leave with me anymore but still paying the flat and maintanence.
Why do you think my ex is against me bringing the guy in? For sex only?
Do you think its because we have a child and the child lives with me?
Is my ex right to demand such thing from me? Our child goes to sleep around 8 pm and I could occasionally see my b/f afterwards, why not?
2007-02-18 22:56:35 · 35 answers · asked by Rita B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe you should get your own flat, that way he wouldn't be able to tell you what to do. I would never allow anyone to pay my rent for me.
If you cant afford to rent one yourself then get a council flat
2007-02-18 23:00:19 · answer #1 · answered by OriginalBubble 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a control thing.
Doesn't matter how amicable you think he is being he is not if he dictating to you how you live your life. And you are allowing him to do so.
Possible he is trying to protect his child but surely as the child's mother you would do that anyway.
You're hardly going to invite just anyone over when you know your child is in bed now are you? It would have be be a relationship that you were serious about.
I would get your own place for you and your child and start gaining your own Independence instead of milking a relationship gone wrong.
2007-02-22 09:22:34 · answer #2 · answered by lynn a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think that you need legal advice on this one.
Your ex left you to be with another girl. So he pays for
the flat to ease his guilt. You are looking for reasons
why he is acting the way he is. If you don,t like it - DO
something about it.
He cannot tell you that your b/f has got to keep out of the flat.
But he can ask you to be a bit choosy before you have some-one
sleep over. Because this is not good for your daughter.
For the time being I would ask that he be allowed to visit
until you are 100% sure that you want this new man in your
life. For your sake as much as your daughter. He could be
on the rebound. It is not an easy situation to be in - but I
would hope to be in a position to have to rely on the ex.
2007-02-18 23:18:12 · answer #3 · answered by Minxy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whilst I understand that you need to have a life of your own its a bit rich that you are still 'living' off him. What about your Independence?
I imagine that his concern is only for your child and I can understand that as well. I guess that why he has stated those particular rules.
If you really do not want anyone to question your comings and goings then you should really move out and live by yourself with your child no matter how difficult you might find then you won't have to worry about answering to anyone when you do meet someone new. And if you were to be worried about money (if your ex is a good father) then he will still pay for maintenance of your child by him.
2007-02-19 00:14:52 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Technically, the flat is his and he has the right to say who is in it or not. That said, his behavior seems controlling and selfish. He wants to be with the other woman, but maintain control over you as the mother of his child.
Move out of the flat, and get your own place. I know that's easy to say and harder to do, but you can do this Is he your ex boyfriend or ex husband? If he's your ex husband, then you are entitled to something in the divorce agreement. I'd suggest fighting for both child support and alimony. If he's your ex boyfriend, then you're entitled to child support--with no strings attached. When he left you for her, he lost all rights to have a say in who you're with.
Your reasons for bringing the other guy to your flat are irrelevant--you are an adult, and welcome to do what you wish as long as you're not hurting anyone else. Your responsibility now is to your child, he/she comes first--not you, not your ex. You need to make sure that you are careful how you expose your child to your new boyfriend, and you do so in a way that is healthy for your child.
2007-02-18 23:29:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well firstly i was going to say its a case of "i dont want you but i dont want anyone else to have you either" but now you mention that you've got a child living with you i can kind of understand that hes concerned. You are fully intitled to have a life of your own and see who you want and you ex has no control or say over that but you dont want your child to see different men in the house all the time as this will be confusing for him/her. Maybe you should make an agreement with your ex that on the evenings he has your child you can invite your fella over for the night. He really should'nt object to this and if he does then obviously hes only saying this out of jealousy. Maybe you should talk to him find out his reasons and if it bothers you that much get some support else where so he cant control anymore.
2007-02-18 23:06:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is strange.
Your ex appears to want to have a life but don't want you to have one.
I think you should be able to have a friend visit whenever you like.
If he is paying for a roof for his child & you, then he should continue. He has set a precedent.
Do not be bullied by your ex, continue with your life as you want & make sure your child is bought up in a safe environment.
If you get harrassed in any way you can go to your local county court where you will be able to take a court order out against your ex for him to continue supporting you & your child & to stop any form of harrassment.
Do not worry the law will be on your side.
2007-02-18 23:07:06 · answer #7 · answered by ANDREW H 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
he has every right
it does not matter who pays for the flat but sheesh get your own and be a parent
why would you even want to bring a guy into the home of your child
you dont do that even if you know this guy "well" your child still may ask questions you cant answer
and also it would be real bad if you didnt stay with this guy and had another guy walking in and out
sheesh your ex was kind enough because you had his child be as respectful to him as he is to you
he could of tossed you out on your bum
kid and all
2007-02-18 23:05:05 · answer #8 · answered by elite_women_rule_the_rock 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would get rid of the ex for good and pay your own way. All the time he pays rent he will have a say. I don't blame him for being concerned about your child with bringing a man friend back. BUT you have to judge for yourself what is right for the safety of yourm child and you.
2007-02-18 23:59:30 · answer #9 · answered by laplandfan 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should ask why he's making this request but if he's doing it because he doesn't want strange men around his child then he's got all the right to want that. The fact that you're accepting more than child support from him gives him a say in who can stay in his apartment. Get your own place then you won't have to worry about all that.
2007-02-18 23:34:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he might be a good dad and all still paying for the flat, but does he also pay child support?
He has no right telling you who you can have over, sounds like he wants to control your life, I would tell him that "I will pay for the flat and you just pay child support"
Why should he have a complete life,with another woman,
and you sit at home alone?
2007-02-18 23:02:18 · answer #11 · answered by twyla 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋