I grew up having four step-dads, and I haven't seen my real father since I was three. My sister had a husband that beat her and their marriage ended in divorce. I've never had a positive example of a healthy marriage to base mine on- everyone just gives up. Now, my own marriage is falling apart (we're 24, with a four month old) I'm desperate to make my marriage work, but I feel like the fighting and arguing will never stop. My husband just doesn't respect me anymore and completely dismisses my feelings altogether. I feel like when you get to a certain point, and start to feel like the love you once had for the other person is gone- that it'll never come back again, and that scares me to death. I want to love my husband again, and make a great life for us and our baby. I want to do better than I was shown, and have a happy, drama-free marriage. I know there will always be ups and downs, but when youre as down as you can get, can you get back up again? I miss my husband so much..
2007-02-18 20:44:12 · 11 answers · asked by ... 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Of course you can always get back up again. There is always hope. Try to do the best you can for your baby. Never give up.
Maybe you need to make some friends that are a good family exapmle and try to learn from them. Maybe specific books, movies, or shows can help also. In any case, it is going to be a very, very hard work that will require a lot of patience and that will take time. Whatever you do, always try to resolve any argument in a quiet and kind manner. Love, kindness and forgiveness will take you a long way and see you through most difficult times.
2007-02-18 21:05:18 · answer #1 · answered by OC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you have a good outlook in wanting to make it work
during the worst problems that my wife and i have had, i finally learned to ask myself - is it me?
is all the fighting and arguing over anything really important? are you choosing your battles wisely? who starts the fighting?
yes, you can get it all back together again, but you both have to work on it. it takes work - it doesn't come freely and easily.
sounds like you both need to learn to communicate with eachother in a calm manner. perhaps you need some counseling to learn how to do this, or perhaps you can do it without help. either way, yelling at eachother is not healthy for your relationship or your 4 month old kid.
nix the drama. let the little things go. communicate with eachother on positive issues - not just the negative. learn to talk, not yell. it is not always the other person's fault either. more than likely you are both to blame.
a lasting marriage has love, trust, and good communication. But, the most important thing is selflessness.
take a vacation from the daily grind - spend quality time with eachother. talk to him about what you just typed above. heck, print it out and let him read it. it would move me.
one other thing, if you have just had a child, post-partum depression is real and could be part of the problem. we went through it and it was really hard.
not everyone gives up - and i encourage both of you to keep working on it. focus on what made you both fall in love in the first place and learn how to talk to eachother again.
2007-02-19 05:02:10 · answer #2 · answered by j_mang 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It prolly make you have a real outlook on what to look out for in relationships is all i can say. My mom and dad were in a really abusive marriage and my brothers and i were always in the midst of it. I think that because everyone else around you has had problems doesn't mean that you can't have a normal relationship. If you try and work things out with your husband, that's great, if it doesn't work out... Look at it this way, you can start out fresh, you can say **** the past and have a positive outlook on life and relationships. Not every woman needs a man, although we think it in our head. I know alot of guys think oh you can't live without penis.. well guess what dude, i can buy your dick at any adult book store for 20 dollars. That's not what we want out of men. We want someone that cares, and loves for us. Someone we can talk to, someone who lifts our self asteem. Someone we can trust and run to when we need them. They're our extra skin. No one should ever make you feel like you're less than, we all have our bad days and they should understand that, as they have their own bad days as well. But everyday shouldn't be a bad day. I hope you can decide what you think will be best for you and the future of your litttle one. Take care.
2007-02-19 04:57:42 · answer #3 · answered by Foxy20 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't let what you grew up with and witnessed consume you....It will, only if you let it....Your mother chose those people...Your father chose to stay away, or mother kept him away....Your sister picked that man, as horrible it was what she went through. YOU didn't make those choices, but now you do have choices....YOU have to set a legacy for your child, the kind of future you want your child to have....Breaking the cycle of past things....You aren't the step child anymore, or the sister who was there for all the tears and whatever else, YOU are someones wife and mother now, and that is your job in life now...(a mother)...that is YOUR life now.....Everyone's life is different, we can't continually compare our lives to others because we aren't them....The "Past" needs to stay just that, in the past!.....What is done is done.....I am married 27yrs. We surely have had our ups and downs, hell we're going through another "shift" in our lives right now, but what we are going through is our stuff...You can't base your marriage by how other peoples are.....You have to make your own yours, and be as happy as you can. Your 24, your just starting into the world of responsibility and it is a long road....But you can make the trip bumpy or a little smoother, depending how badly you want it....Let go of those things that make you feel like "why me"......you have a whole entire life of new experiences, and memories that you are going to experience, and in that time you can have a lot of good stuff to look back on when your my age, instead of what your thinking about now......Not worth wasting your time and energy on stuff you had no control over, Ok?......good luck to you....
2007-02-19 05:09:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your experience with marriage has not been good. It sounds as if you really love your husband and you can have a happy marriage. Counseling really works if you both agree to it and want to make your marriage work. It doesn't have to be expensive. You can see a licensed therapist who does not have a medical degree and they charge less. If you and your husband attend a church, many ministers have had training in marriage counseling.
Good luck to you. Tell your husband what you have just told us.
2007-02-19 04:59:11 · answer #5 · answered by Patti C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
often times when our childhood sees nothing good with marriage, it does come back to us, think we have no idea how to make a marriage work. we just don't have the skills to pull it off. therapy may work, but sometimes when we grow up having no positive role models we do get a low self worth from it, and we do tend to attract hose individuals who are never there for us emotionally, those kinds who want to control us, but never respect us. we attract what we saw growing up. it is hard to love a man who treats us badly, therapy, and alot of communication, letting the person know that what they are doing hurts us. it may work it may not, never got the therapy my marriage needed, but i have to think it may have worked had the other person been willing to put something into it.
2007-02-19 09:00:21 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
May I suggest that you get some counseling for yourself? It sounds like you've been hurt badly by what you've seen and need someone to talk to that can help you thru all of this. Just plan on keepin' on loving your husband and your baby. I wish you the best. Take care.
2007-02-19 05:18:10 · answer #7 · answered by SAK 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yup. my mom is on her 3rd marriage, to a great guy, but my secpnd step-father was a nightmare. alcoholic, druggie, and tried to kill her 2 times. i was scared sh*tless to get married, but every relationship can be different. my husband's parents and grandparents have been married for years, so he's had no negative influences in his life. he was fine about marriage. if your husband's an *ss, then you don't need him, but could it be that you go looking for these types of men? i would seriously talk to someone so that you can find out the right guy for you.
2007-02-19 05:29:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont give up there's still hope and plenty of time!!!!I'm sure your hubby misses you too and loves you very much.........pray about all the stuff u wud like to changeand then just talk to your husband n constantly remind him of hw much you love him........Everything will be alright:-)
2007-02-19 04:57:10 · answer #9 · answered by shorty 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to marriage counseling
2007-02-19 04:50:19 · answer #10 · answered by Sean 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋