I need solution of my problem?

Question

I am really desperate between keeping my responsibility as wife and the need to go away. I have been married for 13 years but i never feel like married person. My husband and i have bitter sweet relationship. Sometime he is good sometime he is bad -temper( u know wht the bad-temper person can do ) . i have tried my best to be a good wife. I am a loyal wife. I am with him in pain and in happy time but i never feel being appreciate.Never feel being love.Never feel being care. I give him everything i do my best . But now, everything is going sour.I am getting bored with this kind of relationship. I feel i dont love him anymore, i know this is rude but what can i do .This is reality. I have tried to overcome this problem but i cannot manage to do it and if i proceed i will being hypocrite all my life. I want myself to be happy , to be free, to feel the world. Wht should i do....? For your information...i dont involve myself with other man. Thank You ..

Answer 1

It is good that you always maintain your responsibility to be a good wife. But you seem to overlooked the fact that the most important responsibility you are going to have ever is the responsibility for yourself. You are a good wife; and it is a good part of you. You are also neglectful of yourself; and that is a bad part, because neglecting your own needs and wants is a crime. It is a crime against yourself. How in the world your husband can ever start appreciating you, if you don't know how to appreciate yourself? If you don't appreciate yourself, no one else will, including your husband. Learn what your needs are, and then take a good care of all your needs first. Let your husband know exactly all the needs and wants that you have, and make it perfectly clear that you expect him to take a good care of them also. You are good in giving. All you have to do now is to learn how to take. Because 'taking' is as much important as 'giving' if you want your relationship to be a happy one.

Answer 2

Have you tried couples therapy? I know for some men that is out of the question, but just a though. Also have you talked to your husband when he is having a good day about how you feel, I mean does he ever ask you what is wrong? If he doesn't then maybe he does not realize that he is being like this to you.

In my personal experience you know when your relationship is over even if you are married, loyal and all that stuff.

If you want to work this out and stay with him, the some things have got to change for this marriage to work. I guess the first thing I would try is talking to him, if that doesn't work, then maybe you can see a therapist yourself to explore your reasons further and make a more informed decision before you do anything drastic.

Answer 3

It's been a long marriage obviously. Try and work things out first, if nothing works out, i would suggest getting a divorce and being alone for awhile. Don't go out and get into a relationship right away cus that get a divorce and hop on another dude attitude is no good. Get to know another person and actually get to REALLY know them, have a relationship, live with them for awhile first and then decide if they're marrying material, try new things now too! Don't do the same old same old like this marriage. Ppl get bored easily. Find someone who appriciates you and the little things you do. A man not apriciating what you do for him is awful. Especially for 13 years!! Good luck.

Answer 4

Your problem is not uncommon but you can solve it together with your husband.

I am sure he loves you & reading between the lines I am certain that deep down you love him.

In marriage people often get complacent & their lives get into a rut & you both go on accepting & doing the same thing day in & day out.

Change your lifestyles but to do this you must both talk sensibly to each other & agree to change.

You are doing the right thing by not looking or seeking another partner.

Remember the grass is not greener elsewhere, breaking up is not the answer & will not bring either of you happiness.

I have been in that rut, stay at home, watch the TV, not wanting to go out, bored with my relationship.

We changed all that, we now do lots of different things like going out for a walk, going to a museum, going shopping, going to a restaurant or pub & only occassionally do we watch TV. We play cards, there are many different things to do other than the normal things that have taken over your lives.

Try experimenting different things & change your sex habits, remember there is a kitchen, stairs, bathroom & chandalier put some spice back into your lives.

To do this you must talk & take action & if you feel your lives are getting stuck in a rut in the future you must both discuss it.

He is feeling the same as you & he wants to change also.

You have both forgotten to talk sensibly to each other.

Re discover yourselves & you will both be happy.

Best wishes to you both for your future happiness.

Answer 5

Hey

Sorry to hear your so destressed, i know you will get a lot of advice and in your heart you may know what you want to do. But it is easier said than done. Its sounds like your worn down by this situation, and your sense of self has been trampled on by the way your husband has been allowed to make you feel.

Plan out your options and try and look at the last 13 years, not as a waste but a time when you grew and developed as a person. Its all a learning experience and you are here at your cross roads now 13 years later, because something in you wants a change.

You where feeling pushed, to put this question out and ask for help.

I have never been married and can not know what your going through. I can only say this:

You are not responsible for what someone says to you, or how they behave towards you. You can only take responsiblity for what you say, and how you behave.

With this i wish you luck, as you are a wife, but you are also a person and an individual, and you where this before you married so don't surrender that part of you, that you have seemed to have lost. His is a companion in life but should not be your whole life, because we don't know how long we are here for on this earth and we have to make the most of this time you owe it to yourself and him not to suffer in slience anymore.

Stop and breath, be brave, and believe you have nothing to fear but fear itself. (Blah Blah i know you prob heard these lines before, but they have some truth to them)

Answer 6

Hi Dana

You already know the answer. You know what you should do. I guess you're just looking for approval.

There's a very simple thing you can do: List all the advantages of staying and all the disadvantages of staying, then list all the advantages of leaving and all the disadvantages of leaving. Then compare them see which is the best then do it.

Everybody's lives are composed of different areas, there's you, your relationship with your husband, relationships with the rest of your family, other people you know, and so on.

See this: http://www.scientologyhandbook.org/SH2.HTM

Every decision you make has positive and negative effects on the different areas of your life. You need to make the decisions that are of the most benefit.

You imply he's beating you. That's a huge negative. Other judgements are up to you. (Don't waste your life.)


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Answer 7

You should try talking to your husband. Your relationship sounds very one sided and I can see why you're not happy. It already sounds like you've mentally checked out of this relationship so I don't know how much talking will do. If you're truly unhappy, there's no reason to continue the marriage. Try couples counseling. That should help a bit if you want to work this out. If you don't, get your stuff and leave. Life is way too short to live a lie.

Answer 8

It sounds like you're confusing your "wifely" duties with love. What makes you think it's up to you to make everything OK for him and your relationship? It sounds like you've been the only one holding it together, maneuvering yourself to be what your husband demands of you, trying to anticipate his needs and moods and act accordingly so no violence erupts. You've given up a big part of yourself by doing this --- your core being. When was the last time you laughed and smiled with him? You can't make it OK for him -- you have to take care of yourself. No matter what you do you'll never be able to make him happy and your relationship smooth -- he has control issues he needs to work on -- but why should he? He likes himself that way -- he gets what he wants and has a little puppet taking care of all his needs. And he controls you through fear -- the threat of violence. Run --- don't walk --- away from him. The longer you're with him the more of yourself you lose. I know. Good luck.

Answer 9

i think u should take time out of the marriage and take tim to see if this is where u want to be and are u entirely happy with the way things r going. but it sounds like u already do. so u have to decide to get out or stay . Go stay with family and think things over. u have 1 life make it a happy 1.

Answer 10

11 year hitch?

well everyone loses there temper sometimes, as long as he hasnt hurt you or hit you?

think you have to look at both sides, what is making him BAD?? whats he doing??

some times if your together too much you do get on each others nerves, i would take a time out and spend some quality time to think, book yourself in a hotel for the weekend go out enjoy yourself then think about what you want to do, next

ok take care