serious question, my future is at risk :-p?

Question

I recently posted a question about my dreams of foster caring. since I was little I always dreamt of having children but since working in the disability field and maturing over the years,I have realised I want to give an unwanted child love and a wonderful home.I understand there will be challenges but lately this sudden urge to find more information and start caring for an unwanted child has become dominating.My best friend had an unwanted pregnancy and considered adoption but when she was 7 months pregnant, she decided she couldnt give it up.Are my life choices and experiences leading me to want to care for a child as its my general nature and even after telling my parents, they want me to one day in my life.Or is it because my best friend now has a baby she didnt want and i see how beautiful life is and simply want my own baby to give love to? I know I want to wait until I am married to have my own child to go through the delight of pregnancy and conceiving with my partner.thoughts?

Sorry I will add that I am confused at why at 22 I want to care for another who is unwanted. from the person who said about feeling "unwanted" I think it is because I am so happy and had such a wonderful upbringing that i feel I can make at least another child (or children in the future) feel loved and wanted. You're right, I should ask other foster carers and learn more about it. it will be a steady process.
As for my question, I am just confusing myself :-p I thought maybe I was wanting a baby because I see how happy my best friend is and had deep feelings about her considering adoption all those months back that either I am understanding how hard it is on a child being unwanted or I want a child also and for it not to be my own just yet but to be able to give an unwanted child some hope for the future.

Answer 1

Adopting or foster care take special people, there is alot involved, some kids need ongoing therapy,meds, all kinds of different needs,most of all lots of your time and love, I myself grew up in a foster home I didn't need meds or anything but Ive seen alot of messed up children and baby's in and out of the system and I to one day want to be able to help those children have love and a home but I'm waiting until my husband and I buy a house. I believe you as young as you are can still make a difference if you are up for all it takes go for it,I wouldn't recommend having your own baby until your in a committed relationship because you want your baby to have a father to enjoy all those special moments of your own child's life together. Anyways Good luck!

Answer 2

I think it is wonderful that you want to care for children who otherwise would not have a loving home environment. What a beautiful soul you have to want to alleviate some of the world's pain!

At 22, however, I wonder if you are ready for the demands of being a foster parent. Are you mature enough to handle that level of responsibility? Are you aware of and comfortable with how much raising a child will change your life? Are you financially self-supporting? If you aren't sure, talk with a counselor.

If you aren't as ready as you think, find another way to be helpful to children in need. You could volunteer as a court appointed advocate, a mentor, a tutor, or in some other capacity that helps children.

There's nothing wrong with setting a a goal such as "One day, I want to be a foster parent" and then starting gradually by volunteering to rock drug-addicted babies in the neonatal unit of a hospital.

Godspeed!

Answer 3

Loving ,and properly training a child is only a fraction of the responsibilities , before you have or adopt( looking in from the outside) it seems all fun,and games...whicjh is normal ..most people who have children should have at least thought about it first..I hear people all the time saying "yes ,I can go out ,i will gwt my parents to keep the kids" that is wrong ,to me there is no I need a break , you have to be willing to give up your life and live for that child , until at least age 18, I also feel people should not take on the task unless they have enough to pay for college already in the bank , I wish there were laws in place to havae strict guide lines before taking on a child ...However it does seem like you have your heart in the right place , and your head as well , just think it through very carefully, there is a lot more to it than just having a child to give love too.. you will be finacially and emotionally responsable for another human life , if the child grows in to a life of poverty ,crime and or drugs then you have failed as that childs parent ,guardian,protector,and provider..please do not take on a child for the wrong reasons ...
a child is the biggest burden,emotionally & financially that one can ever take on in life ..it does have it's rewards but it comes at a price..of self sacrifice, and putting the childs needs well before your needs and wants... how that child turns out as an adult solely depends on you....think long and hard...they are worth it do not get me wrong ..but I am 37 years old my oldest is 14,youngest is 8 ,( total of 4 ) when you have a child the hardest part is being able to say no.. adn you havae to be a parent,..not a friend..you are not rasing a buddy to hang out with, it is the toughest thing I have ever done.....it is worth it but extremely hard on you as well as your partner, and if you are one who says I will never spank , then you have spoiled a child , I have talked to about 200 inmates in prison facing natural life,(ages 18-25) 198 said they would have turned out different had their parents whipped their butts , the other two said , they could do as they please ,so they killed theirs ......give this more thought and research the s**t out of it ..ask parents you meet while you are at the mall , observe the kids who hit their parents ,they get time out, the most well behaved get spankings....do not rush in ....you have the reat of your life to do this,, hope this helps you some

Answer 4

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a foster or adoptive parent. I do, however, think you should wait until you get married. I am 27 and really want a baby of my own. I started wanting a baby around 23, but my husband and I have been waiting until we were financially ready. It has been really, really hard to wait, but we want what is best for our child. You can always do both too. I don't see why you couldn't adopt or foster a child and have one of your own. Good Luck, someday that child will thank you!

Answer 5

I'm not sure of what you're asking. What is the question?
I agree with your views on raising a child that otherwise might fall through the cracks of the dreaded system. WE need to take care of each other and that is an excellent way to do so. I can't think of a better contribution for the betterment of society than to raise a self-sufficient individual, regardless of who's womb the child originated.

Answer 6

I think its great you want an unwanted child. It takes a special person to to be able to bring up a child that is not theirs. I think you should follow your heart and provided you are 100% sure go for it. Explain to your family and friends the way you feel as I feel things will be better for you if you have their support.

Good Luck

Answer 7

There's an interesting thread in this question related to being "unwanted". Oftentimes, when we ourselves feel unwanted, we honorably address that by trying somehow to ensure that someone else doesn't have to feel so unwanted. But, it is important to separate what YOU hope to get out of this from what foster children NEED to get out of this relationship, which is most important. You are very wise to be evaluating your feelings about this issue. It is only fair to the children whom you may decide to love and care for. And, it is decent of you to consider all perspectives so honestly. Get a list of foster homes in your state and contact long-term foster parents to meet with them and discuss your self-evaluation with them and suitability for foster parenting. They will be very helpful and will be able to quickly clarify many aspects of your considerations. The best of luck to you.

Answer 8

A lot of women go through this. When we see another women with a baby, we want one ourselves. It's normal. Just make sure you don't jump in and have one before you're really ready. There's a lot more to being a mommy than simply wanting one. Sounds like you have a godd head on your shoulders, though, so I'm sure you'll figure it out.

Answer 9

I think the world needs more people like you..I think if you're ready to share your love with a child then you should move forward..many blessings to you