im 31, my boyfriend is 33. we have been dating for 4 years, and living together for 1 year. i love him very much and would like to get married to him, and start a family soon. he says he doesnt feel ready to get married and that he doenst know when he will feel ready. he also says he cant live with the pressure of knowing i want to get married and he doesnt. i dont know what to do, i came all the way from south america to live with him in europe. i dont know if i should just pack and go back home or wait around and see if he changes his mind. im so lost. what do you think? we have has this conversation 100 times and every time he says he is not ready!!!!
2007-02-18 19:39:49 · 19 answers · asked by dear 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He doesn't want commitment or he doesn't want to have that commitment with you.
I suggest if you want a marriage and a family that you find some person who wants to do that with you.
Sorry but your boyfriend will only want to be a boyfriend with you anyway.
To be honest I do not think he loves you as much as you love him. A person in true love wants to marry because it is a mark of being prepared to commit your life to that person.
Maybe he don't want kids maybe he doesn't mind dating you but in a non committing way.
You are 31 and cannot wait a decade for this guy to decide that he will mmarry you. Find someone else who is prepared to wanting to share a life with you.
Some answers here say it is all about what your boyfriend decides. WRONG! It is also about what YOU want with your life and if your boyfriend has made his decision to not want to marry then it is time you made your decision of what YOU want with your life too and not wait until your biological clock for a family has run past time.
If after 4 years he doesn't want to marry you than I can safely assume that he really doesn't want to marry YOU!.
Break up and move on, you are looking for a husband, family and happiness and were you are now that is never going to happen.
There is nothing wrong asking to be married after all if you are prepared to be a couple then marriage should be the cement that holds two commited people together.
2007-02-18 19:44:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Honey, what incentive does he have to get married?
He already has everything he wants, and for him, life probably feels like it is going along just great!
Did you discuss this with him before you came to live with him?
How about children, what did he say when you discussed that prior to living together?
I am assuming you discussed these things (marriage and children) extensively prior to your moving that distance to be with him. Has he changed from what he said then? If so, call it to his attention.
In short, though, you are not going to convince him to change his mind probably, and if he does ... do you really want a husband that went into the marriage reluctantly?
You have a lot of things to consider and decide. Best wishes to you. It's a tough place to be in.
2007-02-18 19:42:21 · answer #2 · answered by Pichi 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I think that he sounds like a kid who has all the toys and doesn't want to share.
He, apparently, isn't grown up enough to make an actual commitment to someone and, since you are giving him everything he wants anyway, he figures that marriage is unnecessary. If you want marriage and a family I suggest that you find someone else because this guy, no matter how much you care about him, doesn't want the obligation that marriage and children will bring.
Whether you stay in Europe or go back home, you need to start looking for someone who is mature enough to commit to you and, possibly, kids.
2007-02-18 19:47:15 · answer #3 · answered by Ellen J 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know you guys have been together for a long time, but try to think about this objectively: You can't make a man want to marry you, he's gotta want it for himself. If he's not ready he's just not ready. And ultimatums usually cuse men to get pissed off and then he's really not gonna pop the question.
2007-02-18 19:44:26 · answer #4 · answered by tucden89 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How long are you willing to wait? Forever?
He may never want to get married - or he may never want to marry *you*. If you are willing to live with that, then fine, go ahead and stay.
If your desire is mainly to be with him, married or not, then stay. If your wish is to be married, then you may be best off finding someone else. It's not wrong to want to spend the rest of your life with someone who wants to spend theirs with you. If this is your dream, then tell him so, and tell him that he should think earnestly on the subject for a predetermined amount of time. If he feels like he cannot be that person for you, then extricate yourself from his life and either make your own way in Europe or go back home. Then find someone who wants you as much as you want him.
Good luck!
2007-02-18 19:47:42 · answer #5 · answered by Elizabeth 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
1. Stop pressuring him. If you keep asking him, he will only feel pressured and probably end up leaving or cheating.
2. It's simple, if you want to be married and he doesn't, then you should be with someone who wants to be married. It may sound harsh, but if you don't end it, you'll wake up one morning 11 years from now wondering where you guys went wrong.
2007-02-18 19:43:48 · answer #6 · answered by So_many_questions 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Do you have to get married to start a family? Maybe he just doesn't want to get married because it's one step closer to divorce. Maybe you can still start a family without getting married. If you're questioning if you should pack and go back home, maybe the relationship is not worth it. Break up because he doesn't want to get married? Ask yourself.
2007-02-18 19:59:09 · answer #7 · answered by Spam 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He has told you that he is NOT ready to get married...why can't you get that through your head? HE isn't the one with the problem, YOU seem to have a problem dealing with rejection. HE doesn't want to get married, he doesn't want to get married, he doesn't want to get married. That's it. There is nothing more. You must enjoy the misery because you keep hanging on to it. He isn't going to change his mind. Frankly If I were him, I would have told you to pack your bags and go back home a long time ago.
2007-02-18 21:30:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
He might never be ready for marriage just like a lot of people. I would ask if he would take a chance or whether he cares to find you married when he is ready...
2007-02-18 19:51:15 · answer #9 · answered by Peach 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well why should he buy the cow when he can milk it for free? if you guys already do what married people do then there is no reason why he should marry you! i say cut him off fly back home if thats what it takes, if he comes for you then he loves you!but then again f hes not ready now he never will be!
2007-02-18 19:44:58 · answer #10 · answered by princess_prtty 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋