What do you think of my situation...?

Question

I'm 20 years old, junior in college, working part time at a grocery store. To put it bluntly, I have no real friends. There's a bunch of people who I talk to at school and work, but they all have their own groups of friends, and I'm basically left out. I've been this way my entire life, and I've pretty much accepted that as being reality for me. I've been out with one girl (a coworker from the grocery store) in december and we were talking on the phone for a few weeks. Then in January, she just stopped calling whereas she'd been calling me like crazy for a couple weeks. Turns out she got pregnant by some other guy. Now, I'm over her, and we're cool now. Ever since I went out with her, my self confidence around people has skyrocketed, but I don't know what to do with it. I've never been able to just talk to people before, and now I sort of can. What should I do? How does one make friends? How does dating really work?
I know I'm a loser, don't mention it.
Sorry for wasting your time

Answer 1

You are not a loser unless you think you are. People relate to the charisma that you put out there. If you come off as a loser, then you will be treated like one. You have a new found confidence you didn't have before. Ask some of your coworkers if they would like to go out for pizza or bowling or the movies. May there is a play to go dance. Be friendly and smile, that is what makes people take notice of you. You have to be approachable in order for people to want to be around you and want to be friends with you. Same thing goes for meeting girls. Smile ask them questions about what they like, or have they seen the new movie, if not would they like to go. Ask them to lunch.

And NEVER apologize for wasting someone's time

Answer 2

Before I went to uni I sort of felt the same way although I did have a few good friends already. I use to be really shy though and now I'm a lot more confident. Maybe try joining some sort of a social group. Like sign up for indoor sports or even do a class in something you like.

Answer 3

You are not a loser, so quit saying it. The best way to make friends is to be a friend.

First of all, you need to find some activity or hobby you would enjoy. It does not have to be something you already know how to do, it can be something you know nothing about but would like to learn. take a class in something fun like photography, cooking, a writing class, a book club, a bowling league, etc.

Then when you do this activity, make yourself be friendly, talkative, and then when you start to get to know someone in the class or activity, ask them if they would like to stop for coffee, a beer, etc afterwards.

You could also join a dating site. This is a great way to meet women. Get a good RECENT picture of yourself and post it on the site. Study some of the other profiles to get ideas for yours.

Then you need to surf the posted profiles of the women you are interested in and contact them. I know it is scary, but it is the modern way to meet someone. It used to be bars and nightclubs, and now it is the internet.

But the bottom line is that to be interesting, you need to have things you participate in that YOU find interesting and really enjoy, and then you will automatically be enthusiastic when talking about it to others.

Good luck. Oh yea, go to Barnes and Noble and get a book on internet dating or dating in general. Don't be afraid to ask the clerk for help in finding them. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Answer 4

I'm glad your self-esteem sky rocketed, but you need to boost it a little more. (I know I'm a loser, sorry for wasting your time). It's not a waste of our time, but you've got to have more confidence in yourself. You might just be a loner and there's nothing wrong with that. As far as dating, it's simple. You work in a grocery store, if you see a young lady you would like to go out with then smile at her, introduce yourself, and ask her if she would like to go out sometimes. If she says yes then exchange numbers. The same thing goes for ladies at your school. Remember you might get 25 no's before you get a yes, but don't get discouraged and don't be desperate either (don't get rejected by a girl and then turn to her friend).

Another option would be trying to meet girls at other places (gym, library, church, etc.) I don't mean go to church to meet a girl, but whatever places you frequent, just keep your eyes open.

You are in school, join campus organizations. That's a great way to meet people!

Also, don't go out on one date with a girl and think she is your girlfriend. It's ok to date more than one person as long as you are honest. If you decide to be sexually active then please protect yourself and her. After a few dates if you think you like her enough to be serious, then discuss that with her. It just really sucks when you go out on a date with a guy and he automatically assumes you guys are an item.

Answer 5

Dude, you need to build up your self confidence. Don't worry so much about what others think. You are the only one who knows what you want. As far as how to meet people, that depends on your hobbies, things you like to do. For instance, if you go out to a bar to meet people but you don't like to drink, dance or socialize, you probably aren't going to meet the right girl. You need to do what you like to do, be yourself and have some confidence. Don't change who you are to attract a mate, because if you do, you will surely end up unhappy.

Answer 6

First of all, you are not a loser. Secondly, I find that even if i don't feel confident about something, i fake it. People will respond positively to someone who acts positively. If you are interested in someone, ask her out for coffee or lunch or something like that. And if she says no, move on. You will connect with people if you give yourself the chance to.

Answer 7

Ask the people you talk to in school or work if they want to hang out. That's the first step to making friends. If you find a couple of good people that you enjoy hanging out with. Try to get their contacts so you can become friends with them again.

Answer 8

Watch how other people interact with each other. Do you know someone who's confident when talking to people? Listen to what they say, especially the questions they ask. All you need is something to talk about. What do you like doing? What are you studying? College has girls too.
And be sure to smile.

Answer 9

well, i have a middle son who is 12 makes friends in a second and keeps in touch with them. i asked him how he does it he said "i come to them, say hi, my name is .... what's your name? after the answer he says let's go play smth, go somewhere etc. so if u re at school or at work u don't need to ask name but u can propose to go somewhere after work, like for a glass of wine or a cup of coffee, or to night club on weekend. (well, bud, i forgot what i did when i was 20, so u have to concoct what u can propose yourself). just propose to do smth together and trhen after u spend time may´be this person likes being around u so u will meet again and again and u will talk and so on. this how u make friends. i think.

Answer 10

first off don't apolgize or feel sorry for yourself because it makes people feel awkward because they have thier own thing to worry about, but making friends is based on common situations and ideas. if you find a person that you share multiple things in common with then it should be easy to continue a conversation, if you know you have common ground with someone start a conversation by asking them a question about thier opinion on something that is going on currently. like if a baseball game is on ask what he/she thinks about the pitcher. the more the other person knows about the subject the easier it will be for them to talk to you. P.S. Dont ask a question that is too controversial in case your opinion differs. (like the war in Iraq for example)