Why wouldn't my boyfriend be interested in sex with me anymore?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now, at first we had a hot and sexy relationship, yet within the past year and a half, we've had troubles. Before his mother died last year, I found out that he cheated on me with an old college friend. That was a major blow to me obviously. Right after this happened I found out I was pregnant with his baby, which he totally did not want at all, I was not in the position to raise it by myself, so I had an abortion. Four months later his mother passed, which was very hard on him. It seems that since that happened, his relationship with me has changed. In my opinion, I feel like more of a mother figure to him than a girlfriend. He is not loveable, affectionate, truthful, and has lost any interest in sex with me totally. I kinda feel like he is with me for a support figure as well, since he really doesnt have much family around. I can say that I am a very attractive young woman. What could the problem be???

Answer 1

You articulate the situation very well so I conclude that you are a sensitive, mature, and thoughtful person. Perhaps too much of one.

It's impossible to tell what may be the problem, but from what you have said, the solution could be as complicated as your history with him over the three years. I think you understand that sex is not the problem, your physical attributes are not the problem, and your support of him is not the problem. Heck, you even had an abortion largely out of consideration for his wishes. While all of that is notable and admirable, it would seem to me that you are not taking very good care of yourself in all of this. You have been there for him, but I don't sense that he is there for you any longer.

As much as you may love this man, I strongly suggest that you "take a vacation" from each other. I think you both need some space to figure out what to do within your own lives. He obviously has some strong issues involving his mother - you have observed that some of the relationship you have with him now appears to be transference of some of his needs from his deceased mother to you. That's not healthy for either of you. His loss of affection and your loss of trust in him does not bode well, either.

It would seem that you have naturally drifted apart emotionally and psychologially. Ultimately, it may not be anyone's fault. Life happens.

But, take a break and get your bearings independently. It would probably be helpful to have a few sessions with a competent counselor at this point, as well. Be sure that you are paying attention to those things in your life that are important for your own development and progress. Put together a plan for yourself and then go back to your boyfriend and re-evaluate. Maybe he will have done the same. Maybe not. Since you are not married, you don't legally owe him anything. And, since he has drifted so far away from you, you don't owe him much of anything else, either.

Good luck. I hope some of what I suggested is helpful.

Answer 2

Well it sounds like he has had a lot going on within the past couple years and most when there is that much stuff going on at one time it can easily make someone not want sex. also with all the stress he could be scared you might get pregnant again or maybe he feels he was wrong by making you have the abortion. Maybe he's still cheating on you. This is stuff that you really need to sit and discuss with him because he might never be the same again. Just talk to him and if it's stress related find ways of helping him cope with his emotions and ways to help him relieve his stress. Otherwise you may have to move on!

Answer 3

I think you're asking a question you already know the answer to. And maybe you should be asking yourself "shall I stay or shall I go?". If the love is gone, it's possible you're both only staying in the relationship because of the comfort/security level. Moving on from a 3+ year relationship isn't an easy thing to do. But maybe it's time to start figuring out just how to do that.

Answer 4

Have you talked to him about your feelings? What was his response? My heart goes out to you-that is a tough spot to be in. But here's the question: have you asked yourself if YOU still want to be with HIM? He gives you no affection, you don't have sex, and he has been dishonest with you. Are you staying with him for security? And if so, is that enough for you? You sound like a supportive, giving person, but you can only give so much. Perhaps you need a break, or counseling, or someone else. Both of you need to decide where you're at with each other, then take steps to end it or make it better. Good luck to you xo

Answer 5

The problem is there is no commitment on his part nor on your part. You've been playing house and the body heat has worn off and there is nothing else (no other love or respect) to replace it. He's moved or moving on, and it's wise that you move on also. Chalk this experience up as a lesson, and before you choose to sleep with another man, make sure he is ready to make a commitment to you and the family you hope to conceive. You would be wise to do this before conceiving another child for your own self-respect and self-image.

Answer 6

he's the two a) emotionally tied to you yet cheating on you simply by fact he's sexually overrated for yet another woman, and needs the warmth cuddles and kisses nevertheless b) he's experienced a drop in testosterone, or he's under pressure (which makes intercourse sense extra like a chore, it relatively is properly uncomplicated if he's working on his occupation-and his overall performance in the mattress room might make him weary) c) you have reached a factor the place intercourse is now no longer the precedence. The intercourse in my relationship has died off basically simply by fact stress/ailment has damped us slightly. If we are in a solid temper, giggling and that, we regularly have intercourse. d) he's depressed. regularly adult men experience a drop of their intercourse tension whilst they grow to be depressed. attempt to brazenly communicate with him. Make your self much less sexually obtainable to him, do no longer point out it for a week or extra, then slowly do a strip tease in front of him whilst he's in a comfortable, calm temper (like a saturday night). you additionally can try putting out with pals at a bar or eating place to attempt and get him to ease up, bypass to a movie, etc-the extra he's comfortable, the extra possibly he's to confirm on intercourse.

Answer 7

Obviously he's no longer as into you as he was before. Plus he is under a great deal of stress since he lost his mom. Don't get in this mess. You can still be friends and be there for him, but I think you should move on and find someone else.

Answer 8

First, he lost his mother. He is still grieving. Second, you said you are like a mother figure to him. If you would like to have a loving relationship with your boyfriend, stop being his mother.

Answer 9

you have switched roles in his life. You have now entered the " Mother" stage of his life. Filling in the gap that was left when she died and for some reason, he doesn't look at you the same. My heart bleeds for you. Contact me if you wish.

Answer 10

Can you trust a man who cheated on you? The problem lies with him. You should do your best to move on, because there is something not quite right with this guy.