Am I being silly?

Question

My 6yr old daughter stays at her dad's house every 2nd weekend. We broke up while I was pregnant so this is nothing new to our situation. Me & her dad get along fine but I worry about her while she is at his house.

He has alot of different friends over everynight and they drink alot. I worry because my daughter is getting older and am scared she will be abused. I have spoke to him and he told me I was being silly, it wouldn't happen. I am well aware that this can happen don't think he should have these strange guys over when she is there. Am I being unreasonable? My husband also thinks I am worrying too much.

ONLY SERIOUS ANSWERS FROM PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN IN A SIMILAR SITUATION

Answer 1

You have so many answers already, I hesitated to add anything. But, your question continued to nag at me. This is my suggestion.

If nothing goes on that your daughter can't be a part of, then I would say, nothing goes on that you can't be a part of. I would inform your daughters father that you plan on stopping by to "check on things" You will be cordial to him and his friends and only discuss your daughter and/or his friends in total privacy. Don't embarrass him in front of his friends. Don't get angry if you don't like something. Smile through it for your daughters sake and when you get the chance, negotiate with him. Don't demand if at all possible.

Men are rational, women are emotional. If a woman tells me she "feels" something, it is worth my while to give it every bit as much credibility as if a man tells me he has seen something. Trust your feelings. They are your light in the darkness.

Answer 2

I have not been in the same situation, but i do beleive that you should trust your instincs, obviously for one reason or another there is something that makes you fear that. But i am not saying dont let her go over there, that is unfair to your duaghter and her dad, but i am saying talk to your little girl. Make sure she know right from wrong and what is an acceptable thing for an adult to do, even her own dad. Also, you would be with in your rights to demand that he doenst have a bunch of guys over or drink alot when she is there. Always remember you first concern is for your duaghter, and remind him that should be his main concern too. If it continues to be a problem, then you might consider talking to a lawyer, if you think your fears warrant that kind of response.

Answer 3

well i personally never been in that situation, but my mother was babysat friday nights by an trusted uncle she was a child of nine and he drank a lot with his friends friday nights and for two years my mother was molested every friday by her uncle and all his friends, they would take turns on my poor nine year old mother so i dont think you're being silly one damn bit. i was the first person my mother ever confessed this too because she wanted to stress to me how important it was to speak up when someone was hurting me or touching me in any way that i didnt want, so if you cant stop him from drinking and having friends over at the very least teach your daughter to speak up and not wait a moment, let he know she doesnt even have to hug someone or even shake their hand if she doesnt want to. this thing my mother confessed to me has always haunted me, but im extremely careful about little girls you should be too

Answer 4

You arent being silly at all, as a mother it is your job to make sure your daughter is being safe. You should tell him that he shouldn't have old men drinking at his house while your daughter is there, because that isnt safe, plus he should understand where your coming from and why you feel this way, you should take your daughter home if he drinks with his friends while she is over at his house.

Answer 5

For starters i am a ex alcho and a recovering drug addic who has 3 childern two of them to my carrent partner. I don't think you are being silly at all I had real troble with my ex-partner Excuse the frasing but she was not a mothers ass whole. Is the a court order for him to have her if not get a lawer and get one have it made so he cant have all his mate over to get drunk or just don't let him have her if he cares he will be responable and tell them to leave untill she is back with you.

P.s i know where you are comming from all the best

Answer 6

mothers intuition is there for a reason - i think sit down and have a serious chat with him, make him understand where you are coming from and that once it's happened it's too late and it's not something you can fix it will be with her for life.

of course he trusts all his friends and believes none of them would ever her but it's always the ones you least expect and i think the old saying better to be safe than sorry definitely applies here.

Answer 7

its only women's intuition and a mothers 6 sense about things if u don't feel comfortable with how things are going put ur foot down about it. if he respects u as the mother of his child he should understand. if he doesn't **** it do what u gotta do. shes ur daughter u held her in ur body for 9 months u woke up in the mid night for her and did allot more...and was he there for that...NOPE HIGHLY DOUBT IT. so he need to respect your wishes and keep your daughter outta harms way. if that calls for him to having a friend over when shes there he must make that sacrifice. point blank.

Answer 8

I am not a parent, but I was an abused child. I would worry. Is there no other female in the house? You may want to talk to a lawyer to get advise.

Answer 9

If they are drinking there are other issues besides the one your worried about. How drunk do they get? what if there was a fire? Is he too passed out to help her? How can she be properly cared for if they are all drinking. What if she got sick? The whole situation reeks of neglect.

Answer 10

i totally understand where you are coming from. my mom must have felt the same way. not too long ago i was around your daughters age and my dad would have friends over. i always trusted my dad but my sisters and i would sometimes question why he would drink around us with his friends. talk to him one on one and see what happens. tell him that this is regarding your daughters future and he should take it seriously. good luck!!! =]