my husband and i are in the process of getting a house but I am not sure about his feelings towers me. we have being together for 12 years but 4 months ago i found out that he was cheating on me... I know that he is no longer with that" female".. and he told me that he didn't want to loose me or the kids (2babies). so i gave him a second chance... but nothing is the same ever since.. i love him i really do but i am not sure if he loves me the same way i do. i feel so in secure.. what do i do?..should i trust him or not?...
2007-02-18 16:30:21 · 18 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My mom has been in the same situation.. You've got to understand that some people change, some people don't.... Give him another chance, but don't trust him as well as you used to, because if he hasn't changed, the more you'll get hurt..
2007-02-18 16:34:15 · answer #1 · answered by felipe l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no simple answer to this question. For one thing, you will always have love for the father of your children. I suppose a man deserves another chance if he sticks to you as his only lover. Has the reason he cheated been discussed? Communication is the key here. If he feels a need to be with someone else, it could happen again. If you both want your marriage to last, there can be no secrets. I believe you know when he's keeping things from you and if he can't talk about everything, he cannot be trusted.
Try to remember back to the reason you both fell in love to start with and work at rekindling that flame. If he is reluctant to discuss it, trust may be impossible.
2007-02-18 16:53:49 · answer #2 · answered by Keep it Simple 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
since the issue of infidelity came up....of course you are not going to trust him. I definelty would always have my guards up.
You should have a heart to heart with your husband, alone, maybe at a restaurant and ask him how he feels about the relationship before you make a big decision as to buying a house.
Once cheating is an issue, trust becomes the biggest issue.
since you already gave him the second chance, you have already told him physically and mentally that you have accepted what he's done and would reconcille your relationship, now it is his turn. Let him know that although you have given love a second chance, you have not forgotten and your are willing to make drastic changes in both of your lives if he doesn't improve.
Talk it out first........
Best of Luck
2007-02-25 21:32:23 · answer #3 · answered by mizzbee1975 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once trust is broken it is hard to get it back. He has to earn your trust now. You have a right to feel insecure. Something is wrong if he cheated on you. Find out why and see if it is fixable. Getting a house won't fix what is wrong. Communicate with each other.
You should think about sexually transmitted diseases.
STD Topics:
BV - Bacterial Vaginosis
Chlamydia and LGV
Gonorrhea
Hepatitis (viral)
Herpes, Genital
HPV - Human Papillomavirus Infection
PID - Pelvic Inflammatory Disease
Syphilis
Trichomoniasis
General STD Information
HIV / AIDS & STDs
Infertility & STDs
Pregnancy & STDs
2007-02-18 16:44:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I definitely agree it's a pattern with men - once a cheater, always a cheater. This isn't to say it's not worth staying together for financial reasons, for help raising the kids, etc...but I wouldn't expect to trust him again or have real intimacy. You need to look at it like a practical choice because the romantic option may not be available.
2007-02-26 08:04:35 · answer #5 · answered by laurelandhearty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He broke the Trust. Its gonna take a long time for you to feel like you can fully Trust him again, but when you decided to give him another chance, you were in essence saying you were gonna put the past behind you. Don't let the past destroy your happiness together, he made a terrible mistake, hopefully hes learned from it. If he hasn't in time you will both know, and then its time for you to kick his a** to the Curb and move on. But for now, don't dwell on what was, but what is.. Be happy
2007-02-26 04:23:30 · answer #6 · answered by donna_honeycutt47 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, lets face it: if he has done it once he is gonna do it again.. And i dont understand how most women can be so naive. Some piece of advice: watch animal planet more... You will understand why men act the way they do just by watching male behaviour.. So, here is another tip: ditch him off more, he will come back just because you say no..:) Works for me..:d From time to time!!!
2007-02-26 06:53:03 · answer #7 · answered by Zbenguici 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cheated on my wife for 16 years and she knew about it and never left me.
I am being very , very honest here and I will say this too you, if he has already cheated...let him go, take it from an experienced Don Won here. I wish I had never even started. I am still in recovering my marriage because of it.
2007-02-22 22:27:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should trust him till you see with your eyes his cheating. Faith in relationship at both ends can only result in a Happy Married Life. Both should adopt the path of forgiveness & lead a sincere & happy married life.
2007-02-18 16:37:20 · answer #9 · answered by P S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you still love him stay with him for the kids sake. But do not invest in buying a house with this guy. nothing will ever be the same again. Once a cheater always a cheater.
2007-02-18 16:38:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋