Relationship advice?

Question

hey everybody! I need an advice about my non-existent relationships... so well, I am 19, and I ve never had a boyfriend, and I just don't have anybody...Now in a psychology course i am taking, it says that the one achievement of early adulthood is to learn to establish intimate relationships...but for me, it just seems that I don't know how to do it!Frankly, I do not know what my problem is...Am I not sending the right message out? Am I boring or something? Have you ever known anybody who has the same problem? I am just so worried that I am just going to stay single and alone forever this way! or maybe i am just too desperate? ~sigh~ anyways, i really hope that somebody more experienced can help me here..after all I am just looking for love. I just have no clue as to how to establish relationships! :(

Answer 1

I think that "achievement of early adulthood" is an EXTREMELY overrated thing. We have babies having babies (12,13 years old) and women on their second and third marriages by the time they're 30? Nooooooooooooo, stop.

I'm not going to say that "you" are doing anything right or wrong, because frankly, I don't know "you". I'll tell you about myself, and you can take from my story anything you find useful.

I was in a relationship purely to get away from my parents, and had my first baby at 17... he denied it was his, and enlisted in the service to 'get away' from me (as he put it). What was I "putting out" back then? You got it - DESPERATION.

My next "big" relationship happened in my early 20's. We married when I was 24 and he was 19 (BIGGGGGGGGG MISTAKE). We basically 'hooked up' because neither of us had anyone or anywhere else to go... gullible? Suggestible? You betcha... that relationship ended after 12 years and another baby.

Fast forward to now. After that relationship ended, I swore off (and took a 'vacation' from) relationships for a year - and I stuck to it! I started seeing this guy in 1995 (I was 33), and frankly, I fought the relationship tooth and nail... because I was very content being ME. We've been together 12 years now, married for 10, and we have a 10 year old son.

Happy? yes. Know why? Because I learned to be JUST ME. You can't look to OTHER people to "complete" you... because it DOESN'T work. You have to be fulfilled within your own heart and sense of "self"... THEN the other stuff will just kinda fall into place.

I hope this helps. Best of luck to you!
Harley

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I am 20 and I have never really had a real girlfriend, plus I am a virgin. Right now I have accepted that I do not need anybody in my life. I need to focus on myself and my education. I have my entire life to find somebody and settle down. I really don’t have anybody either.

There is no right way to meet people and start a relationship, but there are plenty of wrong ways to do it. I think the best way to find somebody is to just look for a friend and then be friends for a while. The last thing you want to do is date somebody you have only known for a few days or weeks. There are many ways to meet people. Myself personally I meet people online on many different web sites such as www.plentyoffish.com, and message boards such as www.teenhelp.org.

I doubt you are sending the wrong message, and you are not boring. You are probably just shy like I am. I was never a very social person, and I do have aspergers syndrome although not very badly. You are not going to stay single forever and you are not desperate, you are lonely. Just try to get out there, talk to people, and make some friends.

Answer 4

I had this problem. It didn't really bother me until i realized i hadn't had a boyfriend until i was 17....no one took any notice of me...no one asked me out...nothing. But i was shy so that was my problem. When i came out of me shell more ( with the help of a alcohol) people took notice of me an i started having proper relationships and then i found some one really special and Ive been with him for nearly 2 years now. So my advice to you is just put yourself out there a little bit, don't care what anyone else thinks, be yourself, show everyone what a good, interesting person you are. I'm sure you have friends so it is definitely not the relationship forming part you have the problem with.

Answer 5

I was 19 once and did not have a boyfriend. Only because i said no to you know what. Your not boring. And don't even try to establish a relationship. And you don't have a problem ok? Love will find you soon or in the coming years. Trust me on this.
Take care & enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Answer 6

I have always been extremely shy. I am embarrassed to admit it, but I was 22 when I had my first kiss! I feel for you!

The best advice I can give is get yourself involved in some kind of social group, club with people who have similar interests, home Bible study group, etc. The main thing is that you have to be friendly to make friends. It's tough for a shy person, I know, but you have to do it.

Last but not least, don't worry. As long as you are a decent human being, freindships and relationships will come along in their own time.

Answer 7

Check out www.minphuladvice.com. The site provides a great source of information in regards to relationships. You are also able to submits questions anonymously; website is updated every Friday.

Answer 8

do not rush yourself. when the time is right you will know. there is probably nothing wrong with you. and to be frank, most people are not worth the trouble, however, good people do exist...the trick is finding them. a church should help increase your likelyhood of success.
LOVE is relative, and you will find it. please, try to be patient. most important of all, BE YOURSELF, whatever you percieve this to be.
oh yeah, do not put to much stock in psychology...while there is no doubt it helps some people with their problems, it is a very inexacting so called 'science.' what are your opinions of the idiot sigmund freud...do you want a penis..does your brother want to marry your mother....well of course not. and try not to turn your best friend into a cocaine addict...for whatever reason.

Answer 9

Don't worry Hun. I am sure nothing is wrong with you. The right time will come for you and your relationship. No need to rush, you are still young you have your whole life fully and one day you will find someone who will eventually love you and respect for who you are.

One word of advice: Stop looking for a relationship, it will find you one day, NO DOUBT!

Answer 10

<>The root of all relationships is communication. If you can talk you can establish a relationship. Strike up a conversation with someone who seems interesting to you and you might be surprised where it will go.