Upon reflection and retrospect was leaving your first marriage a good decision?

Question

Hindsight is 20/20 vision. As you matured and see life through more experienced eyes was leaving your first marriage the wisest choice? We all have regrets. I would like to get honest answers with some background information about how your feel today about your choice to leave your first marriage.

Looking back at my first marriage it was not the best choice for me but it was for her. My ex-wife and I are best of friends and will always be. We loved each other dearly and got along very well. Over the years I always had this deep ceded feeling as long as I was around she would never fully think for herself and realize her full potential. I made all the decision and whatever I asked her to do she did it without question. There was complete trust between us to a degree I have never since experienced. Yes I have major regrets. The regret did not show up until years later when she told me what she gave me no other man will have. She also said she would have stayed with me forever had I never left. She said I went from my parent’s home to creating a home with you. As a man you owned every aspect of me. She also thanked me for teaching her so many things over the years. My greatest gift was setting her free to find herself. Philosophically I believe I did the right thing.

. Emotionally I feel I did not do the right thing. All my friends envied our relationship because we looked like the perfect couple in so many ways all the way down to the model perfect home we lived. When I left I always thought we would find her way back to each other. She calls us noble friends. I now know have to let that go of her completely. I was not really prepared for that.

Answer 1

I married my first husband when I was 19 yrs old When I was 16, I loved him more than life and I allowed some things to happen between us that shouldn't have. He broke up with me and I was devasted. The next summer I met someone and I will always wonder what would have happened if I had waited until I this young sailor was free was out of the service but I didn't The first guy whom I had known since I was 9 yrs old came back into the pictue and I knew my feelings had changed when he asked me out but I married him any way. So for the next 26 yr plus 2 children later, I finally knew I had to get out. After a 3 day on going fuss I tried to leave, we tussled, I became hysterical and he promised to call my mother if I would quiet down and I knew then that if I got out alive I would leave and never come back. Do I regret leaving him - no; my regret is that I didn't leave sooner. I was angry because I knew things didn't havet be the way it was . He would do things like sitting in the bathroom with a gun threatenng suicide. I fought him over the gun more than once and would sometimes just sit and wait to hear the gun shot. I was fortunate that the gun didn't go off and kill one of us. There were times that my children were present also So in answer, no I do not regret divorcing him even though it went against by faith.
I remarried 4 years later and he is a good man with a good heart. He helps me with my grandchild that we have custody of not to mention me. I have Parkinson's disease and have had alot of problems since last summer. So I know that a marriage does not have to be as it was the first time. A marriage is 100% giving on the part of both parties but when one is a control "freak" then there is going to be problems. If I knew then what I know now I would hope that I would have done things differently. He did give me two beautiful children and he did work but I can't say alot about him otherwise. Some women would have been able to stick it out but I do believe that on that day God opened the door and said now is the time, go if you are going to. To answer your one question about it my first marriage being the wisest choice - nope it sure wasn't so I lived and I learned the hard way.

Answer 2

I had 3 small children when my marriage split...he was a womaniser.......he couldnt help himself...it was a huge personality flaw with him and his entire family...the whole family were immoral. When you love someone you overlook a lot, sometimes not even seeing what is staring you in the face. I stayed married to him for 15 years....and then one day the evidence was too strong to ignore...he didnt love me, and that was the hardest thing I had to come to terms with. I had to get what ever pride I had left, take my kids and start again. Many times I wished death would come because I was so miserable and I was doing it so hard. I went through a very depressive time, took anti depressants and valiums...I drank a lot too....I look back on that time in my life and shake my head wondering who that person was. I look at it now as a trasformation time...the time I had to take to evolve into the person I am today. I am totally different today than I was 10 years ago...I am strong, I am independent...but the biggest thing I learnt was I now know what I had wasnt love, which taught me what real love is and what makes me happy. Some people call me picky. I am not picky, I just need what I need to make me happy. Had this not happened to me, I never would have known the meaning of real love. I had to go through the hurt for me to become strong. Its like a black tunnel, but every day the white light becomes bigger and bigger until you are out the other end. So, in short, my marriage break up was the best possible thing to ever happen...it made me into an incredibly deep and loving person....I had to call on strength I didnt know I possessed to get me through some days. I did a lot of soul searching to find the real me. I would never have found her if I didnt experience my disastrous marriage breakdown.

Answer 3

Ohhh yes it was a good one lol..... Let us see~~I was 17yrs he was 36yrs. I know I know..... I learned and now that is so disgusting to me.... I was preggy by 19yrs ~~ he was controling and abusive, I had baby at 20 and left about a year later when he decided to start beating on me...... It was by far, the smartest thing I had done. I divorced him and found my soul mate. He is only a few years older lol..... We have three beautiful children, 2 with each other. And though we have problems, it is not even close to what I went through with 1st marriage. I have no regrets except that I should have been wiser when picking out a father for my child. I am so glad my hubby loves her as his own.

Answer 4

Ok, i was married at 19, i was married for 11 years..i left for a number of reasons ..we had lost the commuinication, grown apart, seemed to want different things in life and all that jazz,but the main reason was that my husband had enormous difficulty in expressing his feelings, love or anger or happiness... to me or to our children. I had been bashing my head up against a brick wall for at least eight years,not wanting to give in and split the family up, because i did believe in staying together. one day i realised it was not only me who was suffering, it was my children too, they were witnessing all the agnst and distance, and that is what they would carry into their own relationships, and they were missing out on the love as much as i was! After two years i met and married another man who has filled the gaps in their lives, and gives them soo much love and attention, and they are witnessing love as it should be....they tried to stay in touch with their father but he just was not interested.. and they have given up on him. They now call their new dad, dad. and we are all happy. so in hindsight i know i did the right thing. But ihave mainly answered this question to say one thing to you and that is, if you have children, look at what they are seeing on a daily basis, this is what they will think is a normal functioning relationship! and this is what they will accept in their own lives, if you think you can show them something better then go for it!Good luck to you in this hard part of your life, and may the sun shine for you again soon.

Answer 5

married too young, expected life to be like i saw it with my parents, where the man had a traditional role of taking care of the family, being loyal, bringing home the bacon, but i picked the wrong mate, yes leaving was wise, he was a player. today i look back on it, and know that there was nothing i could have done to change him, when he remarried, all the home wrecker got was cheating from him, and a hard life. so no i do not regret it, all i regret is that he wasn't who i needed him to be, maybe i wasn't who he needed me to be either. we were just too young and immature.

Answer 6

Leaving my first marriage was the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life. It was not my decision, but now I understand that it was a blessing. I was married to a professional executive for 10 years. I am 100 times poorer now (financially), and I am 1,000,000 times happier now (psychologically, emotionally, and sexually). I was devasted at first, for about 2 years. Now I know: whatever happens, ALWAYS happens for the best.

Answer 7

I do not regret leaving my first marriage. The hardest part is our son being split up between us, but it's better than having both parents constantly fight (every day is no exaggeration). He is a great father but wasn't a very good husband.

Answer 8

Wow that replaced into long. Haha ok i think of you will possibly desire to bypass. I advise this is purely for a rapid on a similar time as. i think of it is going to likely be a large way so which you would be able to in line with danger get used to the theory that your loved ones wont continuously be there with you 24/7 and a similar for them. whilst they see which you would be able to bypass off and do stuff on your very own, they're going to being to have confidence you and understand you're becoming up. i understand they simply relatively love you and choose on you to be with them. it relatively is a very vast substitute for them and with time they're going to settle for it. they're basically used to you being the backbone of the kinfolk, and a few thing might bypass incorrect in case you we are to go away. like it would all give way. basically reassure them that each and every thing would be ok and to easily pray for you. Pray that Allah watches over you and which you have a solid trip. this is a few thing which you have for sure positioned a large type of concept into. they're going to comprehend it is going to surely is all. basically supply it time and pray that all of it works out. If this is definitely no longer meant to be, you will understand. basically shop attempting. You need to be happy besides.

Answer 9

Yes, i was very unhappy i my first marriage, i learned alot...and if i would not have left i would have never found my true love...i am glad i married for i have so much knowledge in my current realtionship...and my partner feels the same about his previous marriage

Answer 10

No regrets at all. I'd be stuck in a marriage with someone that I could never live up to.