My husband and I have been having serious sexual problems. The biggest one, we just don't have a sexual relationship anymore. I've toyed with the thought he has been cheating on me and have been proven wrong. I am not being satisfyed AT ALL. I am 25 years old and have been married now for 2 1/2 years. I don't think I can live like this for the rest of my life. My husband won't talk about it. He says he is insecure about his body, out of shape, and has no stamina. I'm so sick of his excuses! In fact, now I have develped a crush on someone else. What was once just a silly little fantasy is now turing out to be something I'm thinking of persueing! I not the cheating type, but I feel like I'm being driven to it! What should I do?
2007-02-18 14:50:28 · 28 answers · asked by Peanut Butter 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well Peanut Butter, I would say that you really need to think this through. They actually call this the 3 year itch. Bordom is setting in. It will rise again but if you are building feelings for another, it's time (since you were proven wrong on the cheating theory) to give the man the respect he deserves and be honest. I've been with my husband for almost 12 years but married for almost 7. We have had our ups and downs and believe me, we both have had moments where we had thoughts too. One thing I found that got me to get over that hump was the both of us doing something physical, like a bike ride. Push him to go faster and work harder. Play a game of basketball/raquetball or something, sign up for dance lessons together. Usually the lack of sex drive is caused by a lack of exersize. Try it if you really do love him but if you really truly feel in your heart it's over, let him go but don't be nasty to him because he is already having a self esteem problem. Don't scam him for everything he has and definately don't tell people (if you seperate) about your problem, just tell them you would rather not discuss it. It's personal. Good luck to you both and I hope there is a regimen that will work for you as divorce is at it's highest rate ever. We really need to all stop running from everything we don't like and try to fix it first. It's always hardest to work for something when it originally came easy, but in the end, if it works, it's definately worth it.
2007-02-18 15:01:03 · answer #1 · answered by Tell It Like It Is! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, be honest with yourself, then be honest with your Husband, then figure out what you want in your future.
You need to be happy in the "long term", so it is really up to you-------------- either settle and ask your Husband about working things out, OR, tell him you want more out of life and just let him go no matter how painful it is to do.
He will be ok and you will be ok.
About your "crush", I don't like the "Cliche" about "The grass not being greener" on the other side, and if you like the new guy, go out with him a few times and see where the relationship goes. Noone says your leaving one for the other.
2007-02-19 00:58:30 · answer #2 · answered by julesrules 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where did his bad body image come from? I'd guess someone else's cruel words. If you love him, offer to work on his body image with him. Head to the gym together, take walks together, fix nutritious meals and help him lose the weight he wants to lose and by all means stroke that man's ego. Marriage...good ones are partnerships not dictatorships. If he doesn't want to discuss it I'd be wondering why and looking in the mirror at the same time because unfortunately some of the fault of that very likely began with you. Fix it. If you love him, fix it.
2007-02-18 22:57:24 · answer #3 · answered by J Somethingorother 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give the fat man an ultimatum. Tell him to get his @ss in shape or he's going to be staying home alone while you go out with your boyfriend. If he won't talk about it then, he's probably gay. Sex is part of the deal you guys made. If he's not concerned that you are considering leaving him because of this, then you need to end it. Don't do anything trampy. Just wondering, are you out of shape too?
2007-02-18 23:01:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That my dear would not do you any good, for 1 thing it is better to have a fantasy then real life. You must get him to talk or say bye bye. Be honest with him, it will be in your best interest. You haven't been married that long the more you wait the harder it will be to get out.
2007-02-18 23:30:42 · answer #5 · answered by knowitall 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you considered couples therapy? Sounds like there's a lot of issues going on there, on both sides of the relationship. But cheating on your husband isn't the answer. If you don't love him anymore, divorce him. But remember, sex isn't everything and problems in that area can easily be fixed with a little communication.
2007-02-18 22:55:23 · answer #6 · answered by Leah~Ariana is due Oct. 09~ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I see your avatar is Peanut Butter.
I hope your code name is not
Peter Pan, and your ID starts with a 2
and lot of ones.
Now that we have that straightened
out, you need to be honest with
yourself first, and then with your husband.
The real problem is that you've fallen
in love with someone else.
There is no easy answer for married people
who fall in love with someone else.
But honesty has to be the first step.
2007-02-18 23:10:01 · answer #7 · answered by kyle.keyes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are missing out on life, if there are no children, you should consider a divorce. In the mean time, you should control yourself and not cheat on your husband. Life is empty when you don't have someone.
2007-02-18 23:56:05 · answer #8 · answered by mklwis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me, as someone who is constantly pushed into cheating (through the constant presence of other men in the workforce and through the constant pressure of other men near to me), it's not worth it.
IT IS NOT WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you ever love the man you're with?
Do you think there might possibly be any hope?????????
Don't fool yourself into some kind of joke.
Be honest with your husband.
Talk to him as kindly but as honestly as you can.
Even though we, as women, are not very in-tune with a man's physiognomy, we often feel incredibly oppressed (especially along the whole body path). Think about it: if you thought you were huge, you wouldn't exactly be concerned
with servicing your husband.
2007-02-18 23:20:36 · answer #9 · answered by Dante 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What would you say if he did the same? You'd spit in his face and never speak to him again. You'd accuse him of being insensitive to your needs and uncaring of his commitment to your marriage. You'd say he doesn't support you when you are having body-conscious image issues. You'd call him a homewrecking backstabbing cheating liar who abused your trust.
You are *all* those things. And more.
Go off and enjoy your fling with your strange dick. That won't last either, because you are toxic.
2007-02-18 23:04:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋