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2007-02-18 13:44:25 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

41 answers

YOU take the control away from them, by leaving! They can only control you, if you allow it! Refuse them control over you any longer.....by exercising your right to leave! You are the person in charge of your own destiny....not them! Pack your stuff, and go.

2007-02-18 13:49:43 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1 1

Get a support group together of family and friends together. You'll be needing them when you feel weak or start to have 2nd thoughts.

If the situation is very serious - ask to move in temporaily with a friend or family member - if they are far away, in another state - even better. If that's not possible and you feel you are in danger - go to a women's shelter. They will keep you safe and even if your significant other guesses where you are - they have procedures in place to prevent him from getting to you. They will even deny that you are living there.

Otherwise, secretly start looking for another apartment, or a room-mate situation in the classified. Wait until your signifcant other goes to work, and have your friends (or professional movers if you can afford it) come in to pack up all your stuff and move it out.

Get a Post Office Box and have your mail forwarded there so that the significant other can't get your new address.

You may also want to consider changing your mobile phone number if you start to get harrassing calls.

Depending on how dangerous your Significant Other is - you might have to inform your employer about what's going on, in the event he starts to call you at work or show up, if changing jobs is not an option. They can let security know not to let the significant other into the building. When you leave work - ask someone to walk you to your car. Be aware of your surroundings and if you feel like you are being followed - DO NOT GO HOME - Drive to the nearest Police Station, and call 911 from your mobile phone on the way.

A restaining order should be a last resort because you have to include your home address - when he is served with the order - he will have your new address. So, keep that in mind.

Good Luck and Please Be Safe!

2007-02-18 14:03:04 · answer #2 · answered by f w 4 · 1 0

I myself has had to deal with this problem. He was the worst man I have ever know. I think he was Hitler's buddy. Anyway, how I left him was I went looking for an apartment and lead him to believe he would be moving in with me so he would allow me to search for one. When I found it I didn't put him on the lease and when I started moving I only packed my things with out him knowing and moved in. The next day after I moved in all my things he came by with some of his things and I told him he didn't live there. He freaked out! Tried to hurt me and he stalked me for a little while. But I had all legal rights. I got a restraining order against him and he got the picture when he wound up in jail and currently has 5 years probation. :) I also have a child with this man. So there was no question about what to do. You can do it too. Your stronger than you think. It's been 3 years since that has happened and I have never felt better! God is always with you.

2007-02-18 14:29:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Have you seen the movie "Sleeping with the enemy"? Now, I am not saying that you should stage your own death, but you need to take the necessary precautions and plan carefully without him suspecting anything. Of course, it depends on how controling he is. If the situation is very extreme, you really may need to consult a private investigator to help you hide yourself, so he cannot find you. You may need to get your passport, all the documents in place, transfer some funds to a secret account (in your mother's name or so) etc. It may get even more complicated if you have kids. Consult a PI if you a scared, really.

2007-02-18 14:21:06 · answer #4 · answered by Kaytee 5 · 0 0

You have to realize that the controller will try to prevent you from leaving and will try to get you back if you do leave.

When you leave, you have to be ready to cut all contact with the controller. If you can't do this, then you should look at why you need to retain contact with the controller. The controller must be filling a need for you in this case. Healthy relationships do not involve controlling behaviours.

2007-02-18 13:52:17 · answer #5 · answered by estee.tabernac 2 · 1 1

By taking control.

Even if this means getting a restraining order, and enforcing it. After a few trips to jail, he will either kill you, or give up on you, and find someone else to control.
Then, the trick for you is to make sure the next relationship is not just the same....people tend to follow the same patterns in life; what attracted you to the controller in the first place, may attract you to the next one.

Good luck.

2007-02-18 14:03:47 · answer #6 · answered by Howie 3 · 1 1

You leave. My ex husband was that way. There's no way to leave a controlling person without them getting upset, but they usually back off when they feel like they can't control you, anymore.

If you feel like they could be dangerous, you need to file for a restraining order, and have the cops escort you out of the house.

Leaving takes balls, especially when you're used to taking orders. Thinking for yourself can be scary after being with a controlling person, but you'll have so much more pride in yourself for doing it.

You don't deserve to live like that, and you don't deserve to have to put up with someone who thinks that you do.

2007-02-18 13:59:07 · answer #7 · answered by <3 The Pest <3 6 · 2 1

There is no easy way to do this. I would try to ease into it, and make that person try to change their ways. Take it slow, and maybe it will work. That's no a guarantee thoug, it really depends on how controlling the person is. If you're at the point where you feel as though you can't take it anymore, then just walk out.

2007-02-18 13:48:42 · answer #8 · answered by mtoutlaw_87 3 · 1 1

Just wish you would be more specific in how he is controlling. Sometimes spouses think that the other spouse is controlling and come to find out, it is the other way around or it is not considered as controlling at all.

2007-02-18 14:14:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

The same way you leave a non-controlling person, just DO IT!

2007-02-18 13:46:57 · answer #10 · answered by ashleynicole452 4 · 0 2

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