My husband has a short temper. He throws things & smashes things when things don't work and so on.?

Question

This is only a new thing as we have been together for 7 years, married for two and have a one year old child. Should I be worried. I saw him throw the wipper sipper the other day, smash down on the desk . I also filled his coffee up a bit to much and he throw it in the sink. I have asked him whats this all about and there was not a real answer for it. He is so moody all the time and says he is just stressed.
Please help I don't beleive he going to be a great role model for our child. what do I do?

Answer 1

Sit him down and ask him if there is something else bothering him...I think he's had a lot of things happen to him and he's bottled it all up inside and it comes out when he's really stressed. Just talk to him and be supportive of him. Tell him you're there for him when he needs to talk, but don't force him to talk! They never do! Take it easy, just see how things go. I don't think this is lines for divorce, but if things get worse, just suggest counseling for him.
He's not less of a man for going to counseling, he's being a man admitting that he has a problem and is taking charge to do something about it.

Good luck!

Answer 2

On the first question, of course he should get a lie in til 10am on a saturday morning!!! He gets hardley any sleep during the week!!! Yes you have kids but as a family i think the kids can understand to keep in down for a couple of hour on a sat morn so the man who provides for them all week can get a bit if kip!!! If you arent getting enough sleep, talk to him asnd sort something for you too. Sounds like he'll do it if it did it for you when you were sick. The violence isnt acceptable, I agree, nor is the control issues he has. There seems to be a lot of resentment and anger in this marriage and I think it's counselling you both need together. From the things he's saying it sounds to me like he feels totally worthless and unappreciated. Dont say i blame him, since he's telling you he's knackered and you think he's selfish needing to catch up with his sleep. Look at what he does all week. and before you say you do plenty too, as im sure you do, you being selfless isnt his problem. tell him you need time too and sort yourselves out. Yes you are both parents. But you are people too. your own life and rights shouldnt stop completely because you have kids. live your life like that and you are on a one way road to disaster. Good luck to you both. Edit: Just re-reding my answer and think I didnt point out that his controlling behaviour is totally unacceptable. As much as im giving possible reason why he may be like that, it has to stop. Should you continue? Yes. but i feel maybe he needs to be temporarily living somewhere else while you work through things. and maybe another dose of anger management wouldnt go amiss.

Answer 3

I would ask him what is triggering his anger. If it is stressed, he needs to take control of it because it looks like it is taking control of him. Yes, you should be worried for him. Tell him how concerned you are with his behavior and let him know that you are there to help him. He also needs to know that 'stress' can kill and are more likely to have a heart attack with it if he lets it control him. It is not healthy at all.

If his job is causing him to be so stressed out, he needs to take some time out from it. When he comes home, just give him a hug and sit him down, give him a shoulder and neck massage so he can get relaxed. He needs to start finding ways to help him with his stress. He can exercise, take walks, get on the treadmill, listen to some music, or take a nice hot bath.

If he has had this problem before you met him, then he needs to either seek counseling, if all of this that I have given you doesnt work, or his anger may have been with him before he met you....it could possibly be something that has happened to him when he was little. You may want to find that out too.

Just talk with him after dinner and find out what is causing his anger. He just needs to know how to control it, and he does't know how. This is not good for your child to see when he is upset like that. He also needs to know that too. But when you talk to him about this, do be calm with him and talk to him when your child is asleep. I am sure he can overcome this, but it is up to him if he wants to change this. I really hope that he does.

Answer 4

Hi, I'm going through the exact same thing lately. My husband was deployed to Iraq though and came home this way 3 months ago, I'm not sure what to do. He is stressed b/c he's trying to find a job but, for me, that's not a good enough excuse for his actions. I want the best for my son and my job is to protect him. I have bought my husband books on anger management but they sit on the bookshelves. I would give him a chance to work on it, through anger management classes or whatever but don't let it get to the point that you feel you or your son is in danger. If it gets that bad, as hard as it is, leave!
Good luck!!

Answer 5

If this behavior is new for him and he says he is stressed he needs help of the professional/medical kind. Being stressed does NOT give him a license to be mean and nasty and throw things. We all have stress in our lives. He has simply reached overload. He needs professiona help to deal with it. He also may be feeling more stress with the increased responsibility he now has on him---you're marriage is "young" and you have a child now. Men are natural protectors and providers and if the responsibility level goes too high too fast, they can't handle it.

Be as supportive as you can but encourage him to seek some professional help. Most employers have an employee assistance program that is completely confidential. Also, most health insurances have a mental health benefit provision. But it all needs to start with the regular primary care doctor.

You also have to remember that the safety of your child is your responsibility. It may become necessary to remind him of that and that this behavior is not safe for the child. That should be incentive enough for him to seek help, hopefully.

Good Luck.

Answer 6

My first husband was like this and this is not good or kewl at all. Yes i feel you should be concerned over this behavior out of him. This will impact and hurt you and your marriage and also teach your child the wrong way how to deal with things. He needs anger management classes and you need counseling to learn how to deal with all of this. I also suggest marriage counseling as well. If he has a stress problem like he says he does then he needs to see a doctor and get help for the stress with medication and things and even counseling if need be. You are right he is not being a good role model for your child here at all. Get help now and i wish you both the best.

My first husband never got help for this and i did not know how to deal with it so it was very sad and hard and our marriage ended very sadly. I do not want to see this happen to you and your marriage.

http://marriagetoday.org

http://www.drphil.com

Answer 7

Take him to a doctor for a full physical to rule out anything being wrong with him. If he's healthy physically, he may have some psychiatric issues to deal with. There are some really great meds out there that can help him along with some anger management classes. If he refuses to do anything about this, then you need to consider getting out of the relationship before he starts hitting on you or your child.

Answer 8

he needs to get help with anger management. if he refuses then you move out. he needs to understand that his behaviour is not acceptable. i understand stress but there are other ways of dealing with it. and if he does agree to go then you go with him for support. of course...adding a child to the relationship does add stress to the situaiton. but it could be any number of things. but like i said...if he refuses to get help (some men...it's their pride that will not let them get assistance) then you need to move out and show him through your actions that his temper tantrums are not acceptable. besides...if you don't have a job...then get one. you need to have your own source of income anyway

Answer 9

my father does this....he has to want to change...he cant feel very good acting this way....ask him if he would like to feel better....if he will not get help get a book on it and try to help him yourself...that is all you can do...they have to want help its just like any other problem! Hope everything works out...tell your children that this is not the way to act if they start throwing things.....and tell your husband if the children start doing this..it may make him cool down alittle. good luck...if you need someone to talk to email me...

Answer 10

If this is new, perhaps he's hooked on something. Or his life simply isnt what he'd like. Something is very wrong. Perhaps you can give him a choice: Seek help........or leave.