why do people think that all mothers have to give EVERYTHING up?

Question

i've just asked a question about booze and breast feeding. my baby will be about 4 months old when i'm 21 and i am going out on my 21st. typical 21 yr old kinda night...prob minus the sex!! lol. (and evn if i did i'd be SO using protection, not having another one that early on!!)
anywayz, i was just wondering why some people thing that just because someone is going to become a mother, they have to give up things they enjoyed b4? like going out clubbing. don't get me wrong, my bday is going to be the one and only night i do go clubbing, and prob the 1st night i will b away from baby as well. but honestly, just bcuz im bringing another life into the world, do it really mean mine has to finish?

all i am saying is one final night of being able to go out wiv my friends, and being like them. i did NOT just 'open my legs' to any old man. my baby's father is amazingly special to me n the love of my life.
i am not drinking now, how stupid do u think i am? as soon as i found out i was pregnant my life changed, i lost family, friends, etc. a baby will change my life yes..make it better, but it does not mean that i basically do not matter! yes Lilly does come 1st and always will! she's not evn born yet n is the most importnant thing 2 me. y do ppl think i ask questions on how 2 keep her safe n happy? her safetly, health and happiness are all that matter to me really. i just refuse to die because Lilly is alive

Answer 1

well they can say what they want, but im glad to see someone so young, concerned enough about their baby that your asking if its ok or not. so many young mothers wouldnt think twice and would opt to have a good time, no matter what the consequences.so I think your going to turn out to be a great mom, so I dont think one night is going to hurt you or baby, have a good time and congrats for being a good mom at your age.

Answer 2

Some people (and it is just some, most people are really nice in their answers) are just ridiculously judgemental and see you as an easy target. They seem to think that because you are a mother you are never ever allowed to do anything again that isn't 100% for the benefit of your child, not even for a few hours when you have arranged child care for your child and have thought through all the implications.
Also a few people seem to see the world 'alcohol' and assume that means:
1) You have been drunk throughout your pregnancy
2) You will be drunk all the time once the baby is born
3) You probably do drugs as well
4) You cannot possibly take care of a child

I find it's best to give less information. Just ask 'can I freeze breastmilk and if so for how long'. Even then, people will make assumptions about you are your life, but less so than if you give them ammo to tell you you are a bad mother.

I once asked if anyone had any tips for doing housework with a big bump and I had people accuse me of being some kind of layabout. I once asked if I should have my baby in my room for the first 6 months and was told I needed to put my baby before my own needs! Whenever someone says 'am I pregnant' half the people say 'congrats' and the other half say 'why didn't you use contraception?'. People go way beyond answering the question and make massive assumptions about someone they do not know and their personal circumstances!!!

Most people on this site are great, but some are bitter and twisted and love to have a dig at other people.

Sorry - that's my rant over!!

Answer 3

Having a child doesn't mean you have to give everything up. It means that you have to put the well being of your child first. This means if you want to drink once and a while you can but, You have to give up breast feeding . At least long enough for the alcohol to exit your body. If you want to go clubbing you can. Just make sure you have a responsible babysitter. Also make sure that you're not clubbing more than you're spending time with your child. The fact is this, your baby didn't ask to be born. You chose to have him/her. That means you have to do what ever is in your power to make sure they are safe. That includes giving yourself some free time. Giving up all of your adult space and activities will only make you bitter. Many parents that give up having fun because they think they should. Take out their frustration on the child. The bottom line is, you can still have fun. As long as your fun doesn't interfere with the well being of your child. Have a great 21st you only get one. Enjoy your baby there is only one like him/her. Get the picture?

Answer 4

People think that because very often, it's what happens! I have 2 kids and I cannot explain how it feels - my first and strongest instinct is to put their needs before mine.

My son is now 5 and my daughter 2. Before they were born, I was a real party girl. Once I fell pregnant, I did not drink for 5 years due to breastfeeding and pregnancy, through choice! I was happy about it.

You won't know how you feel till your baby girl is born - my only advice is it's your life and your choice, and you parent the way it works for you. Don't worry about your 21st, see how you feel on that day. My kids have taught me how to live in the moment and not worry about the past or the future, and that is truly the greatest gift.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, good luck with the birth and have a fantastic 21st. Don't listen to anyone else apart from yourself and your baby!

Answer 5

your life is not over...its just different...I had my first one at 21. Dont feel bad about going out and having a few with your friends but be careful. As far as breastfeeding...pump and dump...I went to vegas when my 3rd son was 6 months old...I stored enough breast milk for him while I was gone (3 days) and while there I pumped the milk and dumped it down the drain...My rule when nursing was 2 glasses of water for everyone 1 alcoholic drink...Also, I pumped and dumped the milk...do not nurse your baby with the milk you make right after drinking. Your life is not over sweety, but filled with more wonderful things. And the good thing is, your child will grow up and you will still be young...i plan on seeing the world in my 40s...40 is the new 30 anyway.

As far as sex...I would wait a bit...you just had one baby...and now, the men you bring into your life are in your childs life...you have to be careful...evaluate men based on...is he good for my child and I...not by the size of his....car.

Answer 6

It is exactly the opposite actually ... Bringing another life into the world opens your life up in so many ways that you couldn't fathom... I don't feel as I lost a part of my life when I decided to put my child's needs before my own. Rather I feel that I enhanced my life by incorporating hers and found many other ways to live out my life more fulfillingly. No one said to give up who you are or what you like to do unless it effects your baby's well being than I must say it is common sense from that point on.

Answer 7

i had a night out for a friends hen night, the first time since i fell pregnant, my baby is 19 months now. if you have the father, or your mother or other family member there to babysit, then go out for your 21st, honestly you will not have many nights out with a baby so enjoy yourself, your only 21 once.its not like your leaving your baby alone.
everyone has views on children, my family hate the fact i give my baby a dummy, your the mother, you know best, plus you deserve a night out once in a while (as long as your not out every weekend lol)

Answer 8

No i don't think that your life has to end just because you have chosen to bring another life into the world. But realistically i think a lot of mothers find that they are unable to do the things they did before they entered the wonderful world of motherhood. Children, especially babies need constant attention and at the end of a long hard day, many women find themselves absolutely tired out. Nevertheless, you should enjoy yourself, especially since it is your 21st - i think we need to bring the glamour back into being a mother, instead of focusing all the time on childless, career women

Answer 9

I agree with you.

I how ever have given up almost everything, but I have no friends where we just moved and until this coming Tues. I didn't have day care either!!

Now I am getting back to my life, I am looking for a job. I am looking for the future. My child is my life and that needs to change some. I need to have a life too.

I am a 25 yr old married, college grad and all!

Ash

Answer 10

Look I agree with you. I am a 24 yo stay-at-home mommy and I go out with my girlfriends every friday night afte rmy son goes to bed. It is my time, once a week to be young and do something fun that has nothing to do with being a mom and a wife. I see nothing wrong with going out occasionally and having a good time. As long as your child is well taken care of, not neglected and loved then what is the big deal? You can be a good mother and still have some time for yourself.

Answer 11

You know what? You are right there are a lot of people on here who have given up on having a good time because of thier children. But I am here to tell you that going out and having fun including drinking is not wrong as long as a responsible person is taking care of your child and it doesnt happen all the time.