my girlfriend is pregnant. she got back from the doctor and is confirmed. she is 20, i am 27. i have a daughter from college that lives with her mommy, and my girlfriend does not know about. i am afraid to tell my girlfriend my predicament as i think she wont understand. i was young, 19, did an immature thing, had unprotected sex with a high school junior, 16, and impregnated her. I completly regret it now, as it is also illegal. I am afraid of my girlfriend's reaction? Please help me. dear, god.
2007-02-18 12:38:34 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Oy. You have to tell her. And the sooner, the better. That's all you can do, really. Just tell her.
2007-02-18 12:41:52 · answer #1 · answered by a heart so big 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make things easy for your girlfriend. At twenty she is not ready to be a single mother. She needs to become selfsufficient and have a solid career. Motherhood is a full time job and she needs a supportive husband by her side.
So if she is considering putting the baby up for adoption, sign the papers that will speed the adoption.
You have made TWO big mistakes in your young life. You need to examine your ability to make adult decision and consider the consequences of your actions. You need to a lot more growing up.
Tell her about your college mistake. She may dump you, maybe she won't. But you need to tell her. The truth will help her make some important decisions.
Just because you can father children doesn't make you a man. All you have proven is that you are a male animal.
Oh, and do not and I mean do not even suggest an abortion. That is just wrong!
You really should strive to be a man.
2007-02-18 12:46:29 · answer #2 · answered by WhatAmI? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What on Earth does having another child have to do with your girlfriend being pregnant? Do you support the older child? Do you see that child? Do you love that child?
If the girlfriend loves you, she's not going to leave you. She'll be pissed, that's kind of a BIG deal to just NOT mention. You should definitely tell her. Otherwise it could be something that comes out in a much messier way down the road, and think of the trust issues you'd have then. Explain the situation you were in when the first child was conceived and what your reasoning was at the time for making the choices you did then. She'll either understand or she won't, but you need to be honest in order to have a real relationship, which you both deserve if it's what you want.
2007-02-18 12:43:44 · answer #3 · answered by usa_armywife 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How long have you guys been together? This could be seriously tricky if it's been a long time, but all you can do is be honest and tell her straight out. Make sure she is in a good mood though, tell her you have something really important to tell her.
Tell her that you see a real future with her (?), that you do not want any secrets to come between you, and that you can't go on with her not knowing any longer. Honesty is best in this situation, but when you tell her, don't word it as you did in your question...don't use the words stupid, mistake, or immature. She may jump to conclusions without listening to the rest of your story, and think that you don't want the baby she's carrying.
2007-02-18 12:45:59 · answer #4 · answered by lexus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should just tell her the situation. 19 and 16 aren't huge age differences it is not like you were 27 with a 16 year old. She may be hurt that you never told her before, but you two are having your own baby, so think about that.
2007-02-18 12:49:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is the time to grow some balls - you need to tell her everything, and now! Don't wait until you two decide what to do with your current situation, because if you tell her all of this after you make decisions about her pregnancy - it will nullify every single thing you discussed. Everything has to be on the table, or you are going to have a massive breakdown in the future - and it will effect the kids, badly.
Honesty my friend - no substitute for honesty.
2007-02-18 12:42:53 · answer #6 · answered by T D 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you are coming from but you should have told her to begin with. Now if you go to tell her she might wonder why you kept if from her for so long and then she might wonder what else you are keeping from her. Everyone does stupid things. I think she will understand. Most important you need to be there for her and the new baby. try to include your daughter in the pregnancy. Its always exciting when theres a new baby coming in to the world. I wish you the best. E-mail me if you need someone to talk to.
2007-02-18 12:44:43 · answer #7 · answered by love_me_as_i_am86 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her, or show her this question.
It's better she finds out now than in 16 years time when someone comes knocking on your door saying 'hi Daddy!'...
Tell her the truth, she may be cross and angry at first, but since she loves you, she'll get over it.
It's always better to do something and cope with the reactions than worry about it. Tell her.
2007-02-18 12:45:41 · answer #8 · answered by ♥Pamela♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her, the longer you wait to tell her the worse it will be. Make sure you explain the situation to her, and let her know this isn't going to be the same kind of situation with her. Good luck!
2007-02-18 12:44:12 · answer #9 · answered by vgleason_102301 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is similiar to what I was told. I didn't know my boyfriend had a daughter for a long time. He told me, but I understood. He was afraid to tell me. If your girlfriend loves you, she will understand and won't get angry. I never got angry.
2007-02-18 12:42:56 · answer #10 · answered by TashaD 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you have ANY contact with your child that lives with her mom then you definately need to tell her. my uncle has like 5 kids and a girlfriend, his girlfriend doesn't know about half his kids and two of his kids dont know they have another little brother, so its a giant mess with people always biting their tongues and tryng to cover up slip-ups. its best just to tell her and hopefully you guys will work through it.
2007-02-18 12:44:22 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋