how do i just forget?

Question

I just want to move on with my life but don`t know where to start,i feel sad depressed and down all the time,my ex is now seeing some little tart he works eith and he only left 6 weeks ago,i`m a single mum at 24,have no job so will no doubt spend my crappy life on benefits,i just feel as if he last 6 years of my life were totally wasted with my ex,he left before but came back after 6 weeks this time he wont,i know i`m better off without him as he treated me like crap and wasn`t much of a father as he was to busy staying out drinking and taking drugs.I still miss him though and i`m trying to be strong for my son but don`t know how i`m going to cope,i don`t want me ex having contact with my son but at the same time dont see why he should get away scot free,my life just seems totally pointless at the moment and i don`t know how to fix it,i cant eat can`t sleep as i think of my ex with that tart and it`s killing me.the only thing that helps is getting drunk buy i know thats silly,help?

Answer 1

First thing you need to do is keep off the drink. If you are depressed, drinking will only make you worse. If you feel you cant cope, see your doctor.
Give yourself time, breaking up after a long term relationship is hard but you will start to feel better.
Why not seek advice about getting part time work / child-care if needed. This is a great way to meet new people, get out the house and give yourself a worth while feeling of doing something. It sounds easier than done but keep at it and you will never look back.
As for your ex, let him get on with it. Leopards never change there spots, im sure he will let the "tart" down just as he has to you. Look back at the 6 years as an experience. We all have regrets, just learn from your mistakes.
All the best......

Answer 2

You will put this behind you when you see what keeping it going is doing to you and your son. Remember, the focus here right now is on you and your own quality of life and how much you love your son and how the two of you are going to make your way in the world as good people. The whole focus here is on you being important, loving, caring, smart, thoughtful, able to spring back from something that was clearly very unpleasant. No matter what else you do, keep your inner focus on you and your son and you will do just fine. If you look over your shoulder and starting going backwards, you will begin to hurt and feel awful. Keep focused on all the things you can do to make you feel good every day and do all the things you know you can and want to do so your son has a wonderful life. If you take care of yourself and your son, in a fairly short length of time, the other thing will begin to seem petty to you, and that will mean you have matured. God Bless You for taking care of the two of you. - C.

Answer 3

Don't blame the "tart" for everything. She is just convenient and your ex should shoulder all of the blame for his actions. I don't know the divorce laws where you live but you should check an attorney (barrister?) for guidance as far as child support is concerned. Also, I recommend that you see your doctor about some short-term anti-depressants and some counseling to help you get through this tough time. You'll feel so much better when you start getting some emotional assistance. Then, look into publicly funded training/education programs that can help you become gainfully employed and self-sufficient. You're feeling like a victim right now and it's important to feel empowered and more in charge of your life. You are only a victim if you allow yourself to be.

Answer 4

Ok, first things first, the drink is not going to help, sure it might help you forget the pain for one night but you'll wake up in the morning and nothing will have changed except that you'll have a hang over and you'll have wasted money that it appears you don't have on drink!
Second step, can you get a part time job? Would your mother/sister/whoever mind your child for a few hours for you do work outside the home?
Even a job on the tills at Tesco, while its not the best pay in the world it will get you out of the house for a few hours a day, interacting with adults and making a few quid for yourself will make the world of difference to your self esteem which seems pretty low at the moment.
Third, if he was out doing drinking & drugs both you and your son are better off without him! FACT!!
Fourth, calling his latest girlfriend a tart is not helping anyone, you resent her you hurt like hell but it is eating you up inside not her, hating someone takes a lot of energy you need to focus that energy onto something worthwhile hating her is a total waste of time
Last, but definitely not least, you have to think of your son!
He is the one who matters most here, you're depression and drinking bouts etc etc are not benefical to anyone least of all your son, you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start a newer better life for yourself and your son.

(as a matter of interest you can seek maintenance from your ex for your child and possibly yourself if you are not working) seek legal advice

Best of luck anyhow..

Answer 5

you and your son are all you should think of. You spent a long time with your ex and it will be hard to forget him especially having a kid with him. You just have to move on. Think of it this way, do you want your son to be like his dad? Do you want your son to pick up on your depression? Cause he will! Do you want better than being on assistance? Your young! Get a job and live for you and your son. But, you should let your son see his father. Get child support!!! As for the tart, forget her too! Find you a new good man and move on!

Answer 6

first of all, stop trying to be able to forget anything. we all know that you can never forget anything that happens to you. you can try, but its a waste of time and energy...the energy that you could spend moving on from him.
you have your son who needs you. he must be young, and therefore, will need alot of your time and help making sure he grows up to be a real man, unlike his own father.
you dont have to spend your life on benefits. what you NEED to do is find a decent job. having a job that is worthwhile can take your mind off alot of things.
you know he was no good for you, and he wasnt a decent father, so you know you shouldnt want or take him back. let him run off with a little tart. shes probably more on his level than you are, anyway.
hard as it is, keep your mind occupied. take care of your son and look for a good job. if he doesnt need you in his life, you obviously dont need him in yours. because the only people you DO need in your life are the ones who PROVE TO YOU that they need YOU in return. that would be your son. he needs you, and you will need him to move on. someone else will come along. work on making YOU a better person first. youll be fine.

Answer 7

First of all you just dont forget. You need counseling and help to start to get past the pain of all of this and to start to heal slowly over time. This is not a rush job and will take time. I also suggest that you go see a doctor about your feelings and your depression. They may be able to help you medicallay and maybe even prescribe you medication for it. You need to get some type of work and start supporting yourself and the kids. Also get a lawyer and go after him for alimony and child support for you and your kids. This will help out too. Do not let him get away scot free.I am here if you need to talk and i feel for you. You also need to file for divorce. Hugs to you today and you are in my thoughts and prayers. Also go to a local church and try to find a support group for single moms and i also recommend you even go to a divorce recovery workshop.

Answer 8

It sounds like you already realize that you and your son are better off without him. Although you should make sure he is responsible for the financial part of your son's upbringing. Maybe this will make him grow up. You don't want someone that will choose drugs, alcohol or another woman over you and your son. He's not worth your time. Your life is much better without him. Be thankful for your son and that you can now focus on finding someone worthy of your love.

Answer 9

Okay this is going to seem a wee bit harsh.....but suck it up princess! You are 24.....you have a child.....I looked at your other questions on yahoo and you are wasting FAR too much time thinking about this so called "man" Focus on your son....and yourself! Your life is what you make it to be....and if you want "Crappy" it will be just that....Crappy. Try to think positively....I was told MANY MANY years ago....negativity attracts negativity....and you know its true. If you think the worst the worst is going to happen.....for get him....his loss....move on for you.....and mostly for your son!
Best of luck.

Answer 10

Stop focusing on him and start focusing on your son and yourself. He apparently is not thinking of you since he has his little "tart" as you call her. Make a point to get a job that alone will make you feel 10 times better about yourself.