My step daghter is 16 yrs old and hates me for no apparent reason?I realize it strange because i am 24 going on 25 so i am only 8 yrs older than her but i am alway polite/nice and try to be as accomidating as possible to her.She visits on the weekends and to be honest she has little regard for anyone makes a complete mess of the house.She has been stealing my clothing and bags latley but i have not said anything to my husband because he just had a heart attack and was just diagnosed with lung cancer.I have asked her niceley to just ask me if she wants to borrow something she ignores me and returns the items in horrible looks like hurrican katrina hit them condition!
2007-02-18 09:43:49 · 9 answers · asked by Melrose G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Her mother is even worse!How can i stand my ground with her?and her mother?
2007-02-18 09:45:24 · update #1
It not just her room she leaves a mess its any where she has been.The cleaning lady only comes once a week!
2007-02-18 09:53:42 · update #2
I'd tell her if she cannot respect you and your things then she needs to stay at home. You do deserve her respect. It's stressful enough taking care of her ailing father. Unfortunately you will have to discuss what is going on with him. Try and sit her down and have a heart to heart with her.
2007-02-18 09:47:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
So she doesn't clean her room...shut the door when she is there. When she leaves hirer a cleaning crew to come in and do the work. I suggest you tell your husband about her stealing, whether he is ill or not he is still this girl's FATHER and HE is repsonsible for disciplining her. Of course she ignores you...she sees you as a "contemporary" being you are so close in age and you're not her parent. As long as you keep this from your husband the worse it is going to get until it all blows up and he will suffer even more than he is now. But that's your choice, either get him involved NOW and fix the problem or sweep it under the rug until everyone trips over the lump and possibly puts him back into hospital.
2007-02-18 09:51:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your stress and urgency with this but at her age she is acting out for a reason. She has probley been fed lies by her mother about you expecially if you came in soon after the divorce. Even so I agree that you deserve respect. However, she is not an adult so you should handle her with kid gloves. Be firm but calm and let her know that her attitude is inappropriate. Ask her if there is something she wants to talk about..when she says no then let her know that you do and let her know how you feel about the clothing, her attitude, and disrespect. Do not force yourself on her...she has made up her mind that she will not like you..come on your her step mother and she more then likely resents you on so many levels for so many issues. You must try to find a common ground..let her know it is for her father not for you or her..remind her that you love and want the best for him as much as she does but do not come across like your competing for his affection. Good luck!
2007-02-18 10:53:34 · answer #3 · answered by Maybe I am a smartass..so what 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's hard for you to understand this, because you are fairly young yourself, but let me try to explain. Your step daughter's family has broken up, and she is a visitor in her father's house. Not only that, he has a wife who is closer to her age than her father's age. She sees you as a rival for her father's affection. Add in the father's illness, and you have a young girl who is hurting and confused, but powerless to do anything about it. Normally, her father would be more of an influence on her, but it sounds like he has a full plate right now. The best you can do now is to endure it, for the sake of your husband. In two years, she will be off at college. Until then, do your best to make her feel at home, and let her spend time with her father. If you don't want her in your stuff, put a lock on the closet door.
2007-02-18 14:31:09 · answer #4 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oooooh Sweetie, time to play hard ball. Your past the "trying to
be nice" stage. Now it's on...get a lock for your bedroom door.
So she CAN'T get into your things at all. Tell her if she breaks
into your room..you will press charges. Tell her you won't put
up with her bad behaviour anymore. Tell her her father doesn't
need to be upset, due to his health. If you need to stop her from
coming over for a little while....then do it. She needs limits set.
Obviously, her mother isn't doing it. But you can let her know,
you won't take that from her, and when she decides to act right
she can come back over. That is exactly what I would do. This
girl has no respect,...teach her some.
2007-02-18 09:57:19 · answer #5 · answered by CraZyCaT 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is the state of affairs we will have to deal with in todays society, as your step-daughter has her sense of self entitlement and has really no care or respect for you or anyone if it doesn't involve something for her own gain. She probably is a spoiled brat and you are in a position she will not respect, nor would she anyone else for that matter since you are not her real mother. I doubt she respects her parents either....
2007-02-18 09:57:49 · answer #6 · answered by St.Jeb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first, your husband has to support you 100%. if not, it will be never ending trouble. I've been a step mom for 11 years, the kids are 16, 13 now. it will be harder, not easier, as time goes on. you and your husband have to communicate very clearly. try to befriend the ex-wife, too. that really helped me.
2007-02-18 09:48:43 · answer #7 · answered by Mama G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband that you are having issues with her . Then leave him out of it , Treat her the way you would treat any other person (related or not)who had this type of behavior in your home
2007-02-18 09:49:25 · answer #8 · answered by Dawn S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
treat your step daughter like you would if you had children of your own maybe she is worried about her daddy being sick tell her nicely to pick up after herself treat her nice as you can she might think your trying to be her mom kids usally resents thier step parents sometimes
2007-02-22 09:11:40 · answer #9 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋