My fiancees grandad died early saturday morning he was found in the bath room. it is suspected he had a heart attack. but when we all saw him before he was fine. And now my fiance is really upset, when he first found out he was really cold towards me and acted like i wasn't there like closed a door in my face when i was asking him if he wants something to eat or drink.
Then when i went in to a room he went out. He cried in everyones arms but mine, and everytime i tried to comfort him he pulled away. he didnt talk to me for the whole day really. I do understand that he was upset but it was also the annerversary of my mums death and i have never really managed to greive till Saturday, as i want to greive on the day so i have already waited 7 years, as my step mum used to freighten to beat my bereavement out of me every time i tried. So i did get very upset but i held it in so i could be there for my fiancee no matter how cold he is to me i even took the day off for him.
2007-02-18 07:34:25 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Is it normal for someone to not know or care bout there partner when this happens as since he has been more snappy, and has only just really started to consider my feelings now. And he forgot bout the anerversary of my mums death till i told him and thats was when he got a bit nicer.
I understand why he has been like this but i have really taken it to heart as i just kept bursting in tears as it felt like i wasnt there when i wanted to be there for him.
2007-02-18 07:39:46 · update #1
I just felt usless even tho i do know how it feels losing a loved one as i lost my mum who i loved dearly, which i am still greiving over, but i want to be there for him not be an outcast. it will get better im sure...
2007-02-18 07:42:57 · update #2
He also asked me to take the day off......... so i did as it was his request but he normally says my presence is enough for him.
2007-02-18 07:46:38 · update #3
I think im shocked in away as i have never seen him like this....... And i have known his grandad a year so not long but he was always so nice and i even i was upset when we found out.
2007-02-18 08:25:44 · update #4
I think im shocked in away as i have never seen him like this....... And i have known his grandad a year so not long but he was always so nice and i even i was upset when we found out.
2007-02-18 08:30:51 · update #5
Crying in everyone's arms but yours, this is probably family and friends he has been around all his life and feel comfortable doing so. Men have a hard time crying around their mate. Just continue to show support. Believe me, they'll be much crying and needing your support in a few days. Just give him his space for a while.
2007-02-18 07:44:01 · answer #1 · answered by Granny 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having someone you love pass away, especially unexpectedly like this, is really shocking, there is no right or wrong way to act. Its good that he can cry and talk to the others but dont take offence that he cant with you just yet, this will probably come with time. It might be that he feels (maybe unconciously) he needs to be brave, to 'be a man' in front you and protect you from his upset.
It sound like your being really supportive, he knows you love him and care, just carry on doing your best. xx
Regarding your mother dying - just because he didnt remember doesnt mean he doesn't care. To be honest, people dont remember things like that, none of my friends or previous bfs remember my dad's anniversary but i do and thats the main thing. I'm sorry your stepmum never let you grieve but it doesnt have to be an open display of grief, you can just think about things in your own way. Dont hold the fact that his grandfather died and he is mourning against him, i dont really understand why that was an issue to you. You dont need a set time, place etc to grieve.
2007-02-18 10:23:54 · answer #2 · answered by keeley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband lost his grandfather right before we got married, and if I remember right, he spent a little more time with his siblings and cousins than me, at least while we were with his family. I realized that I never really knew his grandpa, so I couldn't join in the stories that they were telling about him, and all the memories that they had of their grandfather.
Just let him be, let him grieve in the way he needs to. This is NOT the time for you to go on an insecurity kick with him, because he doesn't need it right now. It sounds like it was also a sudden death, and many people that's just a huge shock to them.
Don't dictate to your fiance how he should or should not mourn here. And keep any of your issues away from him right now, including whatever you're talking about with your mom. I'm sorry you lost your mother, but you completely lost me on the rest of the explanation. And it really doesn't have anything to do with your fiance, so don't bring it up with him.
2007-02-18 07:40:48 · answer #3 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well ENOUGH respect to you hun.. Geese well done..
Erm could be a few reasons. Perhaps he kept his distance because he knew of your feelings at this time cos of your loss. Or he kept his distance because he didnt wana seem weak to you due to his feelings for his grandad. Or Cos he wanted to keep his feelings private. Everyone acts differently to these sort of situations..
See how things go. Be there for him, and make sure he knows that you are there for him but give him any space he needs.
Best of luck with this situation and I hope you both end up happy together.
I would love to know how you get on..
Rob
2007-02-18 07:46:29 · answer #4 · answered by Rob 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a really great and strong woman for your man and he should appreciate that. He's probably in a deep stage of grief. He was probably very close to his grandfather like I was with mine. Continue to show him support. He should appreciate what you are trying to do in the long run. He may not even want you to see the vulnerable side of him. Be patient with him sweetie just as you are doing now. He'll be okay. My deepest sympathy goes out to you for your mother, and your fiance and his family in their time of grief.
2007-02-18 07:45:01 · answer #5 · answered by diamoniquejazz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can never really tell what you should do until you do it! I think your fiance for whatever reason is trying to tell you that he needs some space. Tell him (nicely of course) that you'll give him some space and when he's ready he can come to you for whatever he needs. You obviously have some things you need to deal with, and I'm sorry to say this but breaking down over it in front of your boyfriend when his loss only just happened is insensitive.
Men react in funny ways, if he needs space you're going to have to give it to him and not take his coldness to heart.
2007-02-18 07:41:44 · answer #6 · answered by G*I*M*P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he doesn't feel comfortable sharing his grievance with you. I had a bf like that once. All you can do is give him space and be there for him if he needs you, but don't push yourself on him. He will come around. Everyone handles death in their own way. I am sorry to hear your stepmother was such a callous person. NO one ever has a right to tell you how to feel. Grieve as you like! She was wrong!
2007-02-18 07:40:50 · answer #7 · answered by shania3949 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The death of a loved one is a terrible and very difficult thing to live through, but it's no excuse to treat other people badly when they're trying to help.
2007-02-18 07:40:17 · answer #8 · answered by Not Allie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-02 08:37:58 · answer #9 · answered by gerking 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that this is causing you heartache. It seems to me you did all you could. Obviously he needs a little space at this time - give it to him. The ball is in his court. Let him make the next move. This should be cementing your relationship not tearing you apart.
best of luck.
2007-02-18 07:42:12 · answer #10 · answered by scrambulls 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋