My friend says she's been raped....?

Question

By her father.
Apparently this has happened before, but she still goes to the house.
I'm not sure whether to believe her or not.
If i was subject to this kind of abuse, then i wouldn't be going anywhere near the person responsible, so why does she keep going back?
I feel guilty about thinking this way.
What should i do?

She's not a minor either, so there's no excuse that she doesn't know it's wrong.

She has also been an inpatient of a psychiatric ward for the last 18 months and is due to be released in March.

Answer 1

Believe her. It probably took a lot of courage for her to tell you, and she has placed an enormous amount of trust in you.

It's not at all unusual for victims to maintain close relationships with their abusers, especially when it is their father. This has probably been going on for her whole life, and she is tremendously conflicted between the fear of her abuser and the love of her father. Don't judge her for not cutting ties with her father, it's much easier said than done, especially for someone who doesn't have to live through what is happening to her.

Don't judge her, she is counting on you for support. You need to tell an adult, get the police involved and get her some help RIGHT AWAY. Don't hesitate, let the adults and the police handle this. It is way too big a responsibility for you to bear on your own. Your friend needs help, so turn this over to those who have the ability to help her.

Answer 2

When dealing with a friend who is mentally ill and not an expert yourself you are in an impossible position. I had someone in my life for over 30 yrs and can sound so convincing and you really do not know where the truth stops and the imagination takes over. One of the things this person said too was that her father abused her but when she was a child, she certainly referred to sexual abuse but years later said the abuse was scrubbing her heals when dirty to get her clean before going to bed.........a normal thing years ago. You indeed should not turn your back on your friend or be judgemental but the more this type of person involves you the more it drains you. I was running during the night when receiving phone calls she was going to kill herself etc, leaving my children with a sitter and could be at her home something like 15 hours as it was just impossible to leave her and her children. The uncanny thing was I would still be recovering from an episode like this and she would appear 2 days later, beautifully dresses, refreshed and on top of the world. I would feel I had been dragged through a hedge backwards. I learned too late sometimes you have to step back from these situation. Take as much care of your friend as you can allow but bear in mind you do not know enough about mental illness to get too involved. Hope all works out. PS Someone helpfully suggested your spoke with the police or someone at the hospital. Don't know about the police but doubt they would act without her making the complaint. With regard to the hospital this would have been helpful in my situation but quite rightly so the hospital will not give any information as it would break patient confidentiality. Despite her husband working away from home and the marriage really on the rocks he was down as her Next of Kin and that was that.

Answer 3

Don't feel guilty about feeling like you don't trsut her. The sad fact is that a lot of false accusations are made up, and mostly amount to nothing. If she is making it up then it is more than likely that she's compensating for somthing else that is bothering her. The best thing you can do is to believe her, give her support and attention, and if she is making it up then she sitll gets what she was after - Attention.

Also ask her to see a therapist or speak to someone at Relate (or a simliar rape crisis center if you are not in the UK) As the last thing you need as a friend is to shoulder all the burden of helping her.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Depending on your friend's age, there is not much you can do because you have no real proof that this is going on. However, if your friend is under the age of 18, you can report suspicion of sexual assault on a minor to the police and or a child welfare agency such as the Department of Human Services and it will be up to your friend to work with the authorities to get help from that point on. Regardless of age, you can also advise your friend to get some personal counseling and try to discuss this problem with her counselor, who could then refer the problem to the proper source for her to get help in her individual situation.

Answer 5

Is she the sort of person who tells lies? If she has lied about things in the past then maybe you should take what shes saying with a pinch of salt. If not thyen you need to be there for her and be as supportive as you can towards her. Shes going to need a shoulder to cry on and someone to talk to

Answer 6

This is a tricky one.
Do you believe her? If this is really happening, I just can't understand why she keeps going to visit. Does she seem scared of him? Does he live with her mother? How old is she?
She needs toget serious help.
What if he's done it to other people. What if he's doing it to a child in the family.
Does she seem scared of him?
You need to sit her down nd speak to her.
Why don't you phone a helpline where yu can speak to people that are used to dealing with these situations.
I hope everything is going to be okay for your friend. You must be worried sick.

Answer 7

You could also speak to the people at the psychiatric hospital when she is there as an in patient maybe they could arrange for the police to speak to her then. Or they could talk to her and try to establish if this is a true account etc

Answer 8

She is vunrable and needs help! be a friend and be there for her, it doesn't matter how old she is, anybody can be a victim. Rape is about power over another person. Support her, get in contact with help/ support groups and encourage her to go to the police when she is ready

Answer 9

Try and persuade her she should make an official report. This may be difficult for her because its her dad, but in this kind of case its irrelevant.
Either way you should stand by her, talk to her about what has happened.

Answer 10

if she's a really good friend, i would try to have a good talk ,show her your support ,and try to get her to get some help and keep her away and turn him in to the police or rape center,etc. she needs a good friend and a lot of support right now. hope all works out for you and your friend.