should i move out?

Question

i met my wife 7 years ago,i moved in with her and her 2 daughters and all was fine.the kids father,a rich manipulative t####r twisted there minds and they became nasty and abusive,even physically towards my wife.they went 2 live with him and didnt want 2 know my wife for 2 years.now all of a sudden there back with us as the eldest got pregnant(16 years old)and he kicked them out.there just as nasty and i've had enough,as much as i love my wife.i'm also ill and want a peaceful life without abuse and threats from the father and the kids.my wife says i've been 100% supportive but obviously shes torn.i would be absolutely devastated without my wife but i'll end up in a padded room with her kids.i'm now on depressants as well as other medication totallimg 35 a day.honesty please

my wife knows how i feel and doesnt want me 2 go.her ex used 2 physically abuse my wife,ive stood up to him and his **** fell out.he only threatens through the kids now.

she had an abortion which her father paid for and now he wants the money back off her.we've laid every house rule down going but theres no respect

Answer 1

This is a difficult situation. Obviously these kids have alot of anger issues. Your wife needs to set some ground rules and boundries. She should not accept disrespect or any abuse from her girls. I am sure they do not feel secure being shoved back and forth. There family was distroyed in divorce and neither parent has managed to help them mend. They would benefit from some professional to talk to. Mabe some family therapy too. If you jump ship now it will just make things worse. i am sorry you are having problems, but you need to stay strong and work together with your wife to gain some peace in this family. Once the girls feel secure and safe and loved, they will settle down. All of their acting out is a symptom of the life they have experienced with their parents. Your wife needs to try and fix this, and you need to just be there for her. Do not interfere with the dicpline of these girls, just discuss in private how things will be handled and let your wife put it into action. You will both be on the same page, but only she will be involved with the girls. You will be there for support for your wife, becuse it will not be easy, it will take some time. Be consistant and it will pay off. Hang in there. Please do not leave.

Answer 2

Sounds like ur wife needs to make some house rules. The four of u can live harmoniously, but only if there are rules for everyone. She will have to make it plain that the girls will talk to her and u with respect and u two will do the same. If there is a problem, its to be discussed not faught about.
If the problem cannot be resolved, then alternative living arrangments will have to be made.
I understand your wife's indecisiveness. It would be hard, but she shouldnt have to choose. The girls are old enough that they know what respect is, and your wife needs to demand it.
U need to stay put for a while longer until your wife does something about the situation. however, make it clear that u arent happy with how things are going and feel as if u r unable to deal for much longer at the rate things are going.
Its her responsibility for the most part, although, the two of you need to work together to create a better living environment for all involved.
Oh, and how nice it was of the bio father to just kick them out. Thats a real winner if u ask me. NOT!! What kind of man kicks their children out instead of trying to correct a problem? He isnt a father if u ask me.
I wish u luck.

Answer 3

I dont think you should give up so quickly
if you love your wife as much as you say-you should be her best friend as well as, she is yours--so my point best friends what?
stick together through thick and thin
they talk when things need fixed
they work it out together
keep communication lines open
tell the other the honest truth
tell each other constructive criticism

sit down with her
maybe she doesn't see what is happening-because shes so far in
make sure you tell her KINDLY and openly
let her talk and tell her side and how she feels about the situation
make a PLAN and stick with it
have the kids sit down after you devise this PLAN (rules of the house) that you and your wife made together and let the girls in on it
have consequences if they dont follow the rules/plan
because that is the real world-consequences

good luck
and what ever you choose--stick with it--consistence is the key

Answer 4

Sorry to hear it dude, may be the kids are unhappy that their parents are split up and taking it out on you. The farther is obvioulsy out of order to put any anomositity between the children and their mother or even you.

The children have a right to their mother but if all they do is abuse her then what else can you do, move away with her far away and tell the kids that both of you will be their for them but only when they learn manners and how to respect elders but till that day then stay away. Obviously dont leave abandon them totally, check how they are getting on. As for the pregnant one the farther of the child should take responsibility of both the forthcoming child and the girl.

Discuss it all with the wife and make sure you both agree. If this doesnt work then you cant going on with abuse so you must leave, this is ov course the last resort.

Good luck

Answer 5

It sounds as though the girls may have been acting out to get attention -- they may have felt threatened when you came on the scene. When they went to live with their father it may have just reinforced their feelings of being thrown away -- or in the way. And when he kicked them out, it only reinforced it further. Kids need to feel unconditional love from their parents. However, you can't let that behavior continue --- if the mother loves them she'll put her foot down and tell them that it is now your house and home and if you're going to be so kind as to let them come back then they must abide by your rules and start being responsible for themselves and their actions --- ie, get a job, help around the house, no further abuse, etc., otherwise they'll have consequences. And the mother must give you the power to enforce those consequences. By punishing them when they misbehave they'll know they're loved -- and if they're just too far gone, take them to Dr. Phil.

Answer 6

Family counselling immediately! If you want to stay that is your only option. Even if you want out, your wife needs to get counselling for her and the children. They are too young for you to put them out. Any threats being made should be reported to the police. It's time for tough love. Make sure there are consequences to their actions. Don't back down, You and your wife must stick together with rules and consequences. But your wife should get a back bone and tell her children the rules of the house and what will happen if these rules are broken, then she has to follow through with the punishment.

Answer 7

If the kids are being abuse towards you both, I`d kick the little b*stards into touch or else tell `em they`re out. If that doesn`t work move out for your own sanity. Your wife has to realise that you two have a life as well, and these kids sound as if they`re old enough to look after themselves now. I don`t believe in letting someone make another persons life a misery.

Answer 8

Talk 2 ur wife & discuss laying down some house rules that every1 has 2 stick 2.That way they have the chance 2 start behaving themselves.If they dont & 1 has a baby then at 16 she could get her own house becoz shes got a baby.Hopefully that wont happen if u talk about it in the best way.She'l know shes best of with her mum & start behaving.Whatever u do u & ur wife need 2 present a united front.

Answer 9

If you love your wife, you cant possibly ask her to do something else with her children. If thei father doesnt want them, of course shes going to want to be there for them.
I can totally understand what you mean tho about being ill and wanting peace. Its bad enough being around rotten kids, but when you are sick, its that much worse.
I would suggest counseling, and putting that baby up for adoption. The last thing he household needs is a new baby, especially with a young mom.
Go to counseling with the family, then with you and your wife alone, and see if the counselor can help work something out. If you are worried about the cost, seek help through the county or city system who can help at discounted rates. Dont give up yet!
Good luck, and i hope it all works out for you and your family.

Answer 10

I can see how this could be a hard situation, but stick in there with your wife. You can't just leave her alone with those kids, and maybe you should try getting more strict, and tell them the consiquences (< or however you spell that) if they keep on acting the way they do. Thing are going to seem hard and you might want to give up, but in the long run if you do give up you'll be kicking yourself in the butt for doing so. So try to hang in there for your wife, and hope that things will get better.