i am a divorced mother of a 2yr old son. my exhusband, who at one time was a successful small business owner and church goer, decide to experiment w/ harsh drugs while i was pregnant. everything from pain killers to crack. it seemed like something he would be able to overcome. by the time our son was 3mths old i realized it was not. his addiction was spinning out of control. i offered to take him for help, but he refused. needless to say, he eventually hit rock bottom. he lost everything and has not actively been a part of our sons life. our son is 29mths now and has only seen his biological father 2 times since we left and that has been over 2yrs ago. my son does not know who he is. my ex does not pay child support. he calls on occasion. now i have met a man who is more than willing to be the father in joes life. he is ready to take full responsibility & adopt. he feel that it is in my son best interest that his biological father be forbidden from my sons life totally. i don't know !
2007-02-18 05:01:59 · 23 answers · asked by firefly 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i don't think you should forbid him from your son's life, but to teach your son, that his father's drug addiction is what broke the family apart to begin with. let him know that it is not acceptable behavior. if you feel he needs to be supervised during his time with his father, you can pursue that, but to not ALLOW it, or to FORBID it, is probably not the best way to go. honesty is still the best policy.
2007-02-18 05:08:17 · answer #1 · answered by iwondersoiask 4 · 3⤊ 3⤋
Is your ex still doing drugs? If he is still actively using I wouldn't let him anywhere near my child I wouldn't care what the law is. By the same token the child is now over 2 years old and has no clue as to who he is. From the sound of it he has no interest in being a part of this child's life. If he's still using that is, no doubt, the reason.
As to whether you can forbid him to see the child or not I would think a good lawyer would be able to advise you on that. He doesn't pay child support and has not seen him for over 2 years. That will not look good on his part. If he's working and his money is going for drugs a court may be able to order him in some kind of rehab so he can clean up his act and step up to the plate and do what he's supposed to do...which is take care of his child.
If he absolutely does not want any part of his son then perhaps he should sign papers giving up his parental rights and then the nice man who is willing to be a father to a son that is not his can adopt him. I hope it all works out for the benefit of everyone concerned. Talk to a lawyer and the very best of luck to you
2007-02-18 05:24:16 · answer #2 · answered by Arleen J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The bio father would have a negative impact on your sons life. Let the new man in your life take the roll of his father.
Your ex was a sperm doner, let the new fella be a daddy.
Thats what your son needs. Someone who can be a positive influence and teach him to be a respectable man with integrity.
Nothing good can come from a man who chooses drugs over his family. He has already proven to u and your son that he isnt worthy of being a daddy. He dont want the role.
Have the bio dad sign over his rights. Let the new guy adopt him and give him the best chance for a bright future.
Good luck hun.
2007-02-18 05:11:53 · answer #3 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To keep your son from a drug addict father, is the only right thing to do for the child's safety. No man could or should try to replace his real father. A male figure or step father can certainly help fill the void but I would take it very slowly. How long have you known this new man? Do you trust him with your life and your son's life? Do you really want another person to to have parental rights with your son? A lot to think about. Take it slow and give this important issue some time. Best of luck. nanc
2007-02-18 05:16:47 · answer #4 · answered by nanc 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let him see your child unless he is currently paying ALL of his child support payments since he might not have to do that if your next husband adopts your son. This guy sounds like a bum and drug addict and if I were you I would marry the guy you say will adopt your son and blow that "real" daddy OFF like the BAD EXAMPLE that HE IS!!! Your son might want to see him some day and by then he will know right from wrong before he finds out what his Dad is like. He may not even care!! @8-) Good Luck!!
( I think you already knew that)
2007-02-18 05:32:28 · answer #5 · answered by Dovey 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the dad is not clean and does not have his life together than you should not allow him to be a part of his life. Your son is still young and you can still leave him out of his life b4 he gets older and has a relationship with him and becomes attached.
I have that problem now and I wish i had not let him back in our lives b/c he has caused so much pain. Mainly to me but he has been inconsistent for over 9 years. I am making him pay support and if he doesn't I will have the courts on him. He don't want to go back to prison.
Just be smarter about it than I was and do what is best for your child b4 it escalates.
2007-02-18 05:14:30 · answer #6 · answered by ♦ Phoenix Rising♦ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did. My son is now 14 years old and knows why he has never known his biological father. He understood and I believe I did the right thing. He was in no way a role model for my son.
Your fiance is absolutely right, however you will have to get your ex to sign over his parental rights first before he can adopt.
2007-02-18 09:45:52 · answer #7 · answered by jc 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it really isn't up to your new man. You can't forbid the biological father from seeing his son, although you can require supervised visits. In the future your ex may straighten up and want to be a part of his son's life. You have to discuss it with him and see if he wants to agree to adoption (in which case he'd be off the hook for child support payments). It may be at this point in his life he'd sign on the dotted line in exchange for not having child support payments hanging over his head --- or when confronted with the idea it may have the opposite effect and make him want to be more involved.
2007-02-18 05:19:42 · answer #8 · answered by GrnEyedBlondeSwede 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to protect your son and do what it takes to keep him safe and happy. You could get a restraining order, I'm not sure how long that will last. If you haven't already, you ought to have the court child support. Then, offer to let him off the hook for any back support he owes you in exchange for signing away his rights as a father. That would mean your new man could adopt your son, and his biological father would not be allowed to see him or interact with him until he is 18.
Good luck to you.
2007-02-18 05:06:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your son has a father, drug addict or not, but legally and biologicaly he is the father. Now if you want to keep him out of his reach that's is somehting you have to go to court and prove his drug addiction,
If the new man in your life want to adopt him, there's a legal procefure to follow, his biological father will have to sign a paper to allow this adoption. It all has its ups and downs but you most likely should hire a lawyer to help you.
Good luck.
2007-02-18 05:21:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The new man cannot "adopt" your son unless the natural father give up his parental rights. Allow this man to be a father figure for your son. NO, don't allow the ex husband to spend time with the child until he is clean and sober and can prove it by certification. You were right to move on. Keep doing so.
2007-02-18 05:10:18 · answer #11 · answered by amazingly intelligent 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋