My sister just found out her 16 year-old is having sex with her boyfiend since December after discovering a condom wrapper in her bedroom. How should she deal with this?
BTW she has her daughter on the pill, but still doesn't give her the permission to have sex.
2007-02-18 04:54:02 · 26 answers · asked by gokusgirl_2000 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I can tell when the resposes are from a younger group of people, like teenagers. Frist of all, when I made the statement that becasue she's on the pill doesn't give her the permission to have sex MEANS that just because she is on the pill does not send her the message or the go-ahead to have sex. I did not mean that she had to ask her mom's permission to have sex. I was only speaking figuratively, and the older responses see that.
And to tyler who said to stay out of her life, as a parent, and GOOD one you have to actively be in their lives, so yes she is having sex... but you want to sit down with her and enforce the fact that being safe is best if she continues to do it. Not involving yourself in a situation like this will most likely end in disaster (i.e. pregnancy, stds, etc).
2007-02-20 00:28:56 · update #1
Well the good point to a bad situation is that she is making the guy wear a condom.
Really, if she wants to be with this guy intimately, she is going to find a way someway or somehow.
The best thing to do is discourage it without lecturing because it will go in one ear and out the other. But understand it as well. We were all 16 and in love once ourselves.
2007-02-18 06:11:10 · answer #1 · answered by Kari 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Your sister has to simply state her views about this to her daughter. Thank God she has supplied her daughter with birth control pills! That can address the problem of pregnancy but not STDs. She could congratulate her daughter on at least using a condom while on the pill, too.
She could ask her daughter why the condom wrapper was in her room. She could tell her that it is not allowed to have sex in her house. She could reiterate all the reasons why she thinks her daughter shouldn't be having sex.
However, her daughter is having sex, it looks like. What your sister can do is limited (he daughter probably won't stop now). She can stress to her daughter that human beings have choices and they are important. There are plenty of bad reasons to choose to have sex with a guy. By the time her daughter graduates from high school, how many guys does she think she will have had sex with? 10? 4? 2? 1? How special does that make the act itself?
Your sister should impart her own moral vision to her daughter and keep doing that. Just try to do it without forcing a rebellious showdown.
2007-02-24 02:09:54 · answer #2 · answered by kathyw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Isn't that the point of putting her daughter on birth control pill? So that if she has sex then she won't get pregnant? It's like buying someone auto insurance and giving her the keys, but telling her not to drive. True, she may live a bit dangerously but at least she'll be safer than she was.
I would give my daughter all the praise in the world that she was taking precautions with condoms. She's demonstrating a lot more responsibility than many of the teenagers I've known.
It appears that she already has a decent education about sex, otherwise she wouldn't be smart enough to wait until going on birth control pills and use condoms before having sex. The best thing for her at this point is probably to have a talk with her and let her know that if she ever has anything she wants to discuss with you then you'll be there for her. Otherwise, stay out of it and be glad that she's being safe.
2007-02-18 06:55:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hell, she's sixteen. If I had a 16-year-old daughter and I found a condom wrapper in her bedroom, I'd be happy that she was responsible enough to make her boyfriend wear the condom.
At sixteen, there is really no way that she can stop her daughter from having sex. By the way, she doesn't have the power to give her daughter "permission" to have sex. It is her daughter's body and she is legally and morally entitled to do what she wishes with it.
I'm assuming that the daughter was spoken to by her doctor before being put on the pill. The doctor is ethically obligated to talk to her about the pill and what it does and doesn't do. If she is still using the condoms, I'm assuming that this means that she knows that the pill doesn't protect against STDs.
2007-02-18 08:53:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
16 year olds feel that they are adults - hey they are driving and working... So your niece is just doing what's socially acceptable in this day and age (heck the 60's started it.) I have a cousin who took it one step futher and allowed her son's girlfriend to live with her and share his room. Forbidding sex will not help, at 16 she will be able to sneak around. It's a good idea to have her on the pill, but it's not enough. She needs to also be using a condom. If your sister doesn't want to do this - it falls on you to save her life. Please get her to the nearest drug store and buy her a few samples, show her how they work and what she should look for. Get her scared of STD's. Don't say that the boy is not good for her - she'll only disagree and stop listening to what you are telling her. If your sister wants her daughter to stop having sex with this boy, then she has to move. Or send the girl to finishing school. Remember, 2 more years and this whole subject is moot. Best to heave a big sigh and at least teach the girl responsibility for her actions. She's going to be an adult soon, try to get her ready for that. This is not Never Never Land after all...
2007-02-24 13:49:23 · answer #5 · answered by unlv_engineer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, techincally if her daughter is on the "Pill" that is basically giving her permission to have sex. You cant just put a teenager on birth control and not expect them not to have sex. If the mother didnt know she was having sex, then why was she on birth control?
Although her mother doesnt give her permission, as long as she isnt around her parents, and the go somewhere, and they find a time when there alone, they are going to have sex. No getting around it.
Since, now she is having sex what her mother needs to do, is sit her daughter down, and have a serious talk with her. She needs to tell her all of the consequences of having sex, and std's, and other sorts of things. Its always best to talk with your teenager because the teenage years is the hardest they will ever go through, and if they have a good parent that will talk to them/ can talk to ther parent, then it will make it alot easier on both the teen and the parent.
2007-02-18 06:14:36 · answer #6 · answered by Mandi R 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it doesn't really matter if she gives her permission to have sex or not, if she wants to have sex, she is going to do it. it's a good thing that she is on the pill, and that her mother found a condom wrapper in her bedroom. at least she knows she is well protected. 16 is not an uncommon age for girls to have sex unfortunately. her mother should just talk to her about it, and make sure that if that is her decision to have sex, that she be protected at all times, and never forget to take her pill. if her mother is harsh with her, it may cause her to be careless, and disrespectful to her mother. i think the best thing her mother can do, is to just talk with her about it. no yelling, or no "i told you you weren't allowed".
if the daughter knows she can talk to her mom about things, it will make the whole situation a lot more comfortable for the daughter and the mother.
2007-02-22 09:46:13 · answer #7 · answered by Jamie Lynn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She should first of all praise her daughter for being smart enough to have safe sex since she's having sex.
Then, she should sit her daughter down for a long talk. Does her daughter love her boyfriend? Does he feel the same way for her? Where does she see the relationship headed? She obviously thinks the relationship is going to last a while.
2007-02-25 17:56:25 · answer #8 · answered by thereligiousrightisneither 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sister has to tell her daughter that being on the pill is not fool-proof, accidents do happen. She has to be told that it's a matter of time and if by chance she gets pregnant is she willing to give up her care-free life to look after a baby. Is she willing to give up her dreams for a night of fun and will her boyfriend stick around and be there for her.
Find pamphlets and see if there is a young mothers group she can attend and hear their stories. It may help it may not but she has to be aware that the fun will end one day, it's just a matter of time and if she's willing to chose this path.
2007-02-18 07:04:28 · answer #9 · answered by trojan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well im going to be 17 and i have a 9 month old daughter....i love her more then anything and i wouldnt give her up for the world!!!!!!!! And she's growing up now and i wouldnt give her permission to have sex but honestly...if the mother trys to keep her away from him she will only go behind her mothers back, i done it for 6 months and thats whenever i became pregnant....so maybe she should just keep her on birth control and talk to her about the consequences
2007-02-23 07:31:07 · answer #10 · answered by Mommy of 3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋