How to make her look at me straight into my face?

Question

My female friend's niece is 5 years old. One day I brought them out to shopping mall during Chinese New Year. Kids love to look around and be fascinated by sight and sounds of the crowds in the mall. I led her by hand, talked to her, hugged her and carried her. The challenge is, she loves to speak about something without looking into my face, she just say what she wanted to say and she is not exactly shy, in fact she enjoyed being carried by me. Why won't she look at me?

Answer 1

Perhaps she has picked up this habit from her parents - do both of them look you in the eye when they are talking to you? (I have met a number of mature adults who had this disconcerting habit.) She may have a focusing problem - i.e., she is distracted by looking directly at a person when she's trying to say something and express herself. This could change with maturity. You or her parents might be able to talk to her, explain the "manners" angle, and get her parents to gradually get her into the habit of making eye contact. It won't work if they try to force it all at once. There may also be a more serious psychological reason, and it would be best to see a professional about this if the explanation and the gradual approach don't work.

Answer 2

My son does this ALL the time! We seriously have to stop what we are doing and either pick him up to look in our face and squat down to his level. Sometimes I put my hands on the sides of his face to keep him focused. I don't think it has to do with attention span or manners, I honestly believe that it is a height ratio issue. We are so much bigger than they are that it hurts their litttle necks to look up at us all of the time.

Answer 3

Obviously her mother has not bothered to teach her politeness. Looking at someone when you speak or are spoken to has to be taught. If she's not been taught this then of course she is going to look around at everything else. Does she have other manners?

Answer 4

She either has a really short attention span or no one has ever taught her to look at them while speaking. I have a little boy in my daycare, he's also 5, and he has the same problem. When he starts speaking and won't look directly at me I just tell him "Look at me when you talk--that way I know you are talking to me."

Answer 5

She may lack confidence. Mabye there is domestic trouble. I knew a lad that would never look you in the eye. He looked everywhere but your eyes. There was an issue with his family, he's dead now. That just shows the extent of his problems.

Answer 6

Maybe she's shy...or she has some issues with someone else that regrettably makes her intimidated in looking into other people faces. Ask her mom what's going on, and see if she does it with her.