How to behave in a divorce???

Question

I really hate my husband being married to him is one giant fight.He never helps with his daughter(whom he told me was a mistake 3 days after she was born) , cooking ,or cleaning.He refuses therapy even though i asked him to please come.I am so fed up!I want to be civil though.?

I dont trust him and want to protect myself in the divorce though but am having a problem not trying to do something to get back at him?

Trust me in this realationship i am not the controling one!Most of our problems came with my suprise pregnancy.

Answer 1

Be civil. You will get more with honey than vinegar.

Answer 2

Be civil, if only for your daughter's sake and for the sake of her future relationship with him. But get rid of him. ASAP. And, remember, in a way he's right.

There was a mistake made, multiple ones:

--You two picked each other.

--Worse, you decided to ignore the red flags (and I'm pretty sure there were red flags if you sit and think about it) and marry.

--Even worse than all of the above, you went ahead and had a child together and now SHE'S caught up in the middle of YOUR mess.

Now, for her sake:

--Please be civil. It may even help You in the long run, difficult though it may be taking the civil path.

2--Never, ever lose sight of the fact that your daughter never was, never can be, never will be a mistake. Even if he never lays eyes on her again.

She

is

not

a

mistake.

Your wanting her, your loving her....

is

not

a

mistake.


You need to be making arrangements for visitation--or not. Let's hope he chooses NOT and DO NOT discourage him from that choice. It will be the only intelligent thing he's contributed to the family.

Being a sperm donor doesn't count, if only bc being a sperm donor takes absolutely no brains. Just think about it. As well, I'm sure, any man of any semblence of intelligence will also admit that this is true.

Get busy. You got work to do, starting with getting rid of him and getting child support.

Answer 3

That's pretty much an easy one... Act with class. Ask yourself how he would act in the same situation and do the exact opposite. Follow that little voice inside that tells you when you're off the scale.... The better you act, the better you will appear in court in front of a judge. This is not to say that you shouldn't get professional advice. Get a lawyer. Protect your and your daughter's rights. Just don't sink to his level by trying to do something to get back at him. You'll only hurt and hate yourself in the long run if you go that route. Be a class act. That's the best way... Anyhow, he'll get what's coming to him since what goes around comes around. Don't waste your time with a jerk. Use your time wisely to prepare for the new life ahead. If you lose your cool, you'll have a hard time knowing what's good for you.

Answer 4

Trust me -- if you're not the controlling one you certainly don't want to try to "get back at him". I know (believe you me, I know) how extremely difficult it is -- my divorce was much worse than that movie where they divided their dream house in 2 and both lived in their part of the house, eventually destroying everything they had worked so hard to build.

It is important, however, to protect yourself and be knowledgeable about your assets. Oftentimes one spouse (usually the controlling one) tries to hide assets. You also need to be aware of what things your name (credit) is on - house, credit cards, cars, utility bills, etc. And the pregnancy was not "your" surprise -- it took two. Just him saying what he did about your daughter sickens me -- how can anyone, much less a father, look at a sweet, innocent, adorable little baby and say that ..... dump him -- the sooner the better.

Oh, and you want to be the one who files -- whoever is the moving party generally has the upper hand.

Answer 5

You can try to be civil - but that is pretty much impossible in a divorce situation. After all - if you still liked each other you would stay together. Civility comes years after the divorce is final if you are lucky. Just do the best you can for the sake of your child.

Answer 6

Then be civil. Don't talk about him to your daughter or where she can over hear you. He IS her father, 50% of her genetics come from him and she identifies with that. If you discuss him negatively it will affect her.
Make sure you settle as quickly as possible. Don't allow yourself to be drawn into a prolonged battle over material things.
Allow visitation and DO get child support. Mistake or not, he fathered her so he needs to be responsible. He also needs to spend time with her.
Good luck to you.

Answer 7

All of your questions are about how your husband doesn't do this or doesn't do this. You seem rather controlling to me. May I ask if you married him just because you wanted a child and he was an easy mark? I would pick a Mormon (him) over a non-practicing catholic (you) any day of the week.
May I suggest you behave as a reasonable human being, during the divorce and after.
Do not alienate your daughters affection from your husband.

Answer 8

First, move out, distance yourself from each other.
Second, file for divorce and look into child support.
Civility? Well that will come eventually or it won't but I think your husband needs to grow up.

Answer 9

Normal. live your life to the best of your ability. Do not take any crap from anyone.

Answer 10

i was totally civil with my ex, but i was SO happy when we got to court, i thought i might laugh out loud! just be happy you are getting out of it, and move on