Will he trust me again and can we lead a normal life?

Question

My husband found my passionate loveletter to my classmate. I never intended any relation with this guy but I felt secure and needed his emotional support. That letter was never sent . My husband harassed me and I felt lonely as he or my parents never shared my depression but my classmate gave the moral support to me and I felt near to him. I am always disciplined and sincere but for this which I feel very bad about. There was never any relation of the kind except for exchange of some views. But I did write some nonsense in the letter and I don't know why I did it. What is better for us now?

Answer 1

Not the old "never intended any relationship" Gag. Pull the other one.... You just got caught out !!

Answer 2

You used terms like passionate love letter, intent (yours), emotional support (a need), harassed (by ppl close to you), depression (a rather serious issue), moral support (which you got from your classmate), disciplined and sincere (valued personal attributes), and nonsense (something most of us are guilty of at some point), and you ask what is "better" for us (an indication that you value your relationship with your husband).

I would bring all these things up in a calm conversation with your husband and simply ask him your lead Q. I'm sure his answer will be quite revealing and ought to set - in you - a tone or direction for you to consider. I will offer this; all prayers are answered, sometimes the answer is no.

I hope you have a favorable outcome (for you).

Answer 3

This situation started because you did not receive or did not seek out the support of your husband. Did you ever truly express to him that you needed his emotional support/care ? Did you tell him clearly what you needed from him? People are not mind readers. We cannot expect them to just know what we need and how we need it. Talk to your husband and apologize.

To address your question, your husband may be able to find it in his heart to forgive you but it's going to take time and hard work. Apparently, you two are having some issues connecting on a deeper level, hence, this emotional affair with your classmate. And believe me it was an affair, even though it never got to the physical level. Right now your husband may be too angry to even consider counseling, but you should start just so you can understand more about yourself. And the next time you're feeling lonely, depressed, or confused...talk to someone but make it a therapist or your best female friend---not another man.

Answer 4

It will take a long time for him to trust you from what you are saying the letter had some feelings in it that would lead your husband to think you would cheat on him.. Therefore even if you didn't cheat he is doubting that because he never thought you would write a letter like that to someone else and you did.. so he thinks he never thought you would cheat and maybe you did.. You made a mistake and nothing happened the guy did not even get the letter thank god so i would relax and just try to prove yourself everyday to your husband and sit down and explain why this happened.. Good Luck

Answer 5

Hi Venus, You were depress and going threw a rough time with your depression. I can see why you wrote the letter. No on in your family would give you the suppose that you need at that time. The main thing is you never send the letter. You need to talk to your husband and explain to him about depression and no suppose from him or any family memember. You wrote the letter cause you were afraid and needed for someone to listen to you. If you talk things out and tell him what i have just said, I think things will work for both of you. A Friend.

Clowmy

Answer 6

If you never had a relationship with your classmate it is ok. He is probably overreacting. It is therapeutic for people to write letters, it helps get out thoughts and feelings but usually they get thrown out so problems dont come of it. If you were writing a letter to a classmate about your problems and it was therapeutic for you then yuor boyfriend should be glad you have a friend like that because apparently he isnt giving you the support you need, which may or may not be ok. He needs to understand you never had a relationship and that (i hope) if you didnt want to be with him you wouldnt be. If a letter that was never sent about a relationship that never was is causing huge problems for you, there may b other larger issues in your relationship. It all comes down to trust.....Good luck.

Answer 7

Golly, I can't imagine why he'd have trust issues. After all, you're still lying about this.

Not just a love letter, but a passionate one. Now you just want to call it "some nonsense" and say it doesn't count.

Admit it. You intended relations with the guy, you evidently wrote something steamy to him, and you kept the damn thing lying around. Did you not send it because you really felt bad, or because you hadn't bought a stamp yet?

If you want to fix this, step 1 is really truly assessing and understanding and acknowledging the hurt this caused.

Answer 8

I think it is worth noting that you kept something this destructive to your marriage lying around for your husband to find. Even though it could have been purely subconsciously, you did it.

Perhaps you have more of an issue being married to your husband, than your husband has. May be a good time for some deep personal reflection or some short time away to sort out your feelings.

If you truly love your husband and want to continue a healthy marriage, you should not contact your old class mate again and prove to your husband all that he is worth to you. It can take time but will not be impossible.

Answer 9

was this an old letter? If it is something more recent, as it sounds like it was during you two having some troubles and you feeling like you cant talk to your husband about it, then i can see him feeling hurt. If you husband is harrassing you though and being a jerk then you two should sit down and talk about it. If you didnt do anything with this guy then thats good, and you have that. You can say to him that you were reaching out for emotional support and you felt he didn't understand but would like to be able to lean on him as he is your husband but that he needs to understand about your depression. Apoligize that you didnt try to reach out to him more but let him realize he needs to listen more if he wants that. good luck

Answer 10

When you take the L out of LOVER its usually OVER. First and foremost I don't know why you weren't talking to your husband about your feelings instead of trusting a man in school which proved him being an opportunist. Most men are and it's like a free pass to distressed sex. I'm sure you wouldn't be asking this question today if it were a girl friend you trusted to open up to.

Answer 11

It's hard finding a balance of the self in love relationships. You often have to overcome what's best for you in light of what's best for your partner, that's called self-sacrifice and that is what love is in my opinion. I often make decisions to set aside my need to instantly gratify my emotions so that my partner is happy. Just as I expect he will do for me.

In this case, I think your husband needs to find compassion for you and be sensitive enough to see you are troubled and hurt. You, of course didn't even send the letter and acknowledge it was dumb so I don't think you even did anything wrong. There was no crime commited by you except not sharing with your partner.

Your husband feels very threatened and hopefully, by you continuing to be apologetic and regretful, he can learn to set aside his hurt and see the big picture. Both of you need to ask yourselves why you weren't able to talk to eachother and share everything without fear.