Why Won't He Marry Me?

Question

Okay, so here is the deal. My bf and I have been together for over a year, but won't discuss marriage without an argument starting. He tells me "yes i want to marry you..someday when it's right" I am not asking to set a date, just trying to ask him what we need to do in order to start going towards that. I know he is not cheating or anything like that, but he gets very angry when i bring up the subject of getting married. He tells me that "knowing he wants to marry me someday should be enough..." but all it does is tease me in a way. He is a few years older than I am, well quite a bit older and i'm still young, he has made several comments about how someone in his family was with their husband 12 years before they got married...which dosent offer much hope for me. He seems too "content" being stuck in neutral....he wont even consider moving in together...(not for any moral reason) he's not opposed to living together but he just wont do it.. please help! what should i do?......

Answer 1

First of all, don't even consider moving in with him. It is a marriage and relationship killer (google it). As to your marriage issue, your bf says someday..and you have to respect him for it. Don't try to force him into anything, don't try to give him an ultimatum. He needs to WANT to marry you. Now it's up to you to decide if you're content to wait for 'someday'. If it's a good relationship, take your time, marriage is no joke.

Secondly, you have been a couple for over a year. When you began to date, did you make it clear that you are looking to be in a relationship that would ultimately lead to marriage? How did your relationship begin? Was it a hook up that just continued or were you both looking for someone to spend your lives with?

If you look at the history of your relationship and see that this man is not seriously considering marriage in the near or forseeable future, make a choice for youself and let it go.

Answer 2

Why are you pushing him so hard? Be happy he doesn't want to move in together. That would make you an unpaid hoe and maid. Yes I agree marriage should come first, but only after a good amount of time. That way you get to know eachother. I'm not saying you should be around in 5yrs if he hasn't popped the question. But it's only been a year! How do you even know that he's the right one? But if you are dead set in making him marry you, then give him an altamadem (however that's spelled) to get engaged or you're out of there. But seriously, do you want to know for the rest of your life with him that you MADE him marry you? It's seems like you would want him to make that very important decision on his own. Give it another year, see what happens. Why the rush?

Answer 3

Simply put- the two of you want different things. It is clear he is not ready for any kind of permanent commitment. No matter what, do not continue to press it on him. The more you press a man the more he will resist and probably run... I think you should take a step back. Don't spend so much time with him. If you take a step back you may find something better or even realize you don't want someone that doesn't want you just the same. Plus spending some time away from him may allow him to see what he is missing. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Listen clearly to what your b/f has told you about marriage & let it be. Your b/f is right, just knowing he wants to marry you should be enough. The more you harp about getting married, the worse you will make the situation. When the time is right, you'll begin making plans to get married but let him bring up the subject first. Trust me, you'll drive him away if you constantly pressure him into making marriage plans. He's obviously not ready yet, so wait until he is. Don't judge what others do, as to what will be for your b/f & you, when it comes to how many years it will be before you two get married. Your b/f knows how you feel about marriage so you don't need to keep reminding him. Play your cards right, starting today.

Answer 5

It can depend on your ages. Maybe he wants to make sure(if you are currently under age 25?) that you and/or he can commit for a lifetime. Maybe he is seeing some traits in you that he isn't sure of. Maybe he just likes getting milk without buying the cow as the older folks used to say. Maybe he really isn't being truthful and he actually doesn't want to get married. If you desire a different relationship than what you currently have then you need to sit down with him and set some terms for your relationship to continue.

Answer 6

tell him you want to marry him too but that the twelve year thing is not a benchmark that you want to rate your own happiness by. Maybe since he started setting the benchmarks with this, you can come up with some of your own, using ranges of months that you feel comfortable with and if you really want to accomplish some things in life you need to stick to them or very closely. either he gets the picture or he doesn't. the consequences of not meeting benchmarks might be to start over at the very beginning i.e.: meeting a new man, doesn't mean that you have to leave him, just go out exploring, you'll reel him in, if not oh well...

Answer 7

He probably just aren't ready for that commitment yet.Maybe he's having problems like financially,and he wants those things to be in order before marriage, or maybe he feels like something in the relationship isn't right. Or just afraid of marriage,it's a major step and he probably isn't sure if you are the one he wants to make that commitment to. It's still pretty early in the relationship, and the relationship hasn't had time to grow yet. Or maybe he just dosen't want to marry you at all. But nagging him about it is only going to make him want to leave you,and anyway it's not going to make him change his mind. Nagging him is only going to push him away. So back off give him time,and give the relationship time to grow.

Answer 8

ive been married for three years, and let me tell you, it is NOTHING different then a piece of paper, what is the big deal anyways.. weddings are expensive and then the day afetr you go bak to your life just like you always did.. besides buying and owning things mutually on the same credit, there really is NO difference.. he will marry you in time if he wants. i would give him a date and time in which he has to think about it or else you are GONE, because if you truly want to get married for whatever reason , DONT stick with someone who is jacking you around... because its an underlying way of saying I DON TWANT TO GET MARRIED. he is probably just saying SOMEDAY not to hurt your feelings... i would just say hey, by december of 08, if you dont decide im the one for life, i dont want you. if thats truly what you think u need.

Answer 9

first, why are you in such a hurry with this marriage thing?? the reason he get upset cause he's feeling pressured.. don't keep on nagging him about getting married. if you continue you will destroy the relationship. give him time and space. let that moment of him asking you come naturally cause if you keep on forcing him than he's not going to be completely happy cause he wasn't ready mentally. you and him have only been together over a year.. don't you think its a little too soon to be thinking about marriage?? give it time like you said your young.. don't rush it. and let him want you and him to live together.. leave the man alone.. stop pushing him.. your driving him nuts. i know i wouldn't want to be around my girlfriend if she nagged me about things like that.

Answer 10

you have only been toghether for over a year so give it time and you might find that his heart is set on marrying you. he has made that clear so just give it some time and try and not rush into anything. like you said you are still young.