Do women realize that the "power" they have by being complex, manipulative, and difficult.....?

Question

.....comes at the price of loss of true respect? Sure, you'll effect the behavior of your man, even long term, but at what cost? I believe it's women's nature to be more this way, and that historically, it might have been the only way to achieve power.......but what about now? Are you interested in being more careful who you date and working on communicating more directly (effectively)? If this question doesn't apply to you as a woman, please comment on it for the women that it DOES apply to. Thanks.

Answer 1

the ones that are, do, I guess.

But jeez, as has been said, they aren't all like that. Had some that were. Some that weren't. But I have to say - and this is not to suck up to the women around here - that men are typically more manipulative than women. We have to be. Well, at least that's how I justified it. Competition is fierce and all. Manipulation is not necessarily deception. It's not even necessarily evil. And everyone is a manipulator to some degree.

Anybody that has a job - especially a sales job - engages in it. So does anyone that's raised kids. Almost all people do the things they think they need to so to get what they want, and what they think is right for another to have or learn, and it's only really wrong if you aren't prepared to deliver what you promised or implied you would deliver in the process of doing so.

Women sure as hell have no monopoly on manipulative behavior. There are times when nearly all males find their behavior maddening and complex, but would you really WANT them to think and behave just like us? It's the differences that make it all interesting, and them worthy of our obsesssion to have them in our company.

I don't, won't, never have claimed to have treated women better than they have treated me, at least in the aggregate. And this idea that they are all innately vicious, scheming and underhanded (that keeps popping up here) outs those claiming it as frustrated, hurt, inexperienced or all of the above, and worse yet, incompetent in the relationship game and unwilling to try to learn how to play it properly. And like it or not, it's either do so or get a big stack of dirty books and/or go queer.

Sorry to be serious for once. But I've been hurt before. Bad. But my behavior - which seemed defensible at the time - didn't stand up to dispassionate analysis in a retrospective mind's eye. After the last one I went through periods of being pissed, feeling used, gypped, underappreciated and manipulated, abandoned, etc., etc.

Anger is much easier to deal with than grief. But then I faced up to my part in it, tried to learn what I could from it, and decided to redouble my efforts NOT to make the same mistakes again. And not use hers (and of course, she made some, too) to excuse my own. Still pretty angry at the courts, but that's another story.

Just not ready to give up yet, I guess. You shouldn't either. And whatever kick you get out of deliberately antagonizing women ain't near as much fun as having one as your best friend.

And yeah, I know I do a bit of antagonizing myself. When I think it's funny. Other people seem to think it is, too. Next answer will be wise-*** and obnoxious. I promise.

Answer 2

Women get dumped on if we try to use other sorts of power. For instance, I call people out when they're being sexist jerks ("It's not cool to call her a slut. How many people have you slept with?"). For this, I've been labelled a manhater. Whatever, they've just proven my point. Hillary Clinton is politically ambitious, just like her husband. Guess who's the ballbuster?

Not that that's an excuse, mind. It's just easier sometimes to do what you're supposed to do, what you're expected to do. It's bad, it's wrong, but not everyone can always stand up to it. That doesn't mean that I think the catty, manipulative types are cool, but I kinda get where they're coming from. (ooh, thought: often they aren't catty and manipulative. Nancy Pelosi got called catty for a perfectly normal DC power struggle last month. If she was a guy, s/he never would have been stuck with such a demeaning label).

Answer 3

Okay, Portwine, you ARE bordering on sexism (or already there?) with this question. Certainly there are women like this. Personally, I have had experiences with MEN that are like this. PEOPLE who use manipulation in a relationship are self-centered, lack morals and empathy, and have low self-esteem. I don't think women hold a monopoly on those character failings. I do, however, think that men and women often "manipulate" in different ways, but the effects are the same. Please do not lump us all into the same category, by saying women are more likely to use this type of behavior...that has been YOUR experience, mine has been quite different...and ultimately, it is a baseless (and sexist) charge. Sorry I did not answer per your specifications, but I thought this question was a bit unfair.

Answer 4

ok first of all this is quite a sexist remark to make. i am not insulted by it because it is exactly what most guys would say. the diff is you used good sentence structure. as opposed to, "yo bitches suck ***!!!" as he sidles off to do the dishes.
in answer to your question i would say that i guess its a decision to make - would you rather lose your respect? or get your way?
some relationships are based around battles. manipulation bein one of the females best and most frequently used weapons. in this scenario i would say all's fair. but you will always get the realtionships where there is no need to be manipulative coz they are willing to compromise.
and i should say that maybe women in history had no other ways of gaining power. but that doesnt mean that that has changed over time. ever think that history is repeating itself. i am not goin to lengthen this respnse even more by talkn about our gender-based society although it is relevant.
Power is a very important issue in relationships and it is something everyone wants but is in short supply. dont deny that males have way of manipulating females to do what they want. not all men do this as blatantly but the same goes with females. you are generalising.

Answer 5

Most people are stupid and illogical in some way and can't analyse or understand their own behaviour, men and women for different reasons... That's life. If you're a good judge of character, strong, independent, and not desperate to be in a relationship, you can normally avoid those types. Men shouldn't STAY with women like that, I don't understand how they do... If guys didn't put up with them maybe then they'd figure out that they're being b*tches.

In conclusion, if your girlfriend is like that the best idea is break up immediately and accept that most girls suck (as do most guys), and not be so desperate that you can't wait to find the right one...

Answer 6

That's funny...I've known a few complex, manipulative, and difficult men.

Then I stopped playing games myself, and stopped dating men who like to play games.

I'm much happier now. When I want to play games I go to Yahoo Answers! [LOL]

Answer 7

The kind of women you are talking about (which is NOT me, thank God) do not know the "power" they have, not truly... Most of those kind of women have such low self-esteems that you should just pity them and stay away. Instead of complaining about them, maybe you should try praying for them instead...

Answer 8

Behind every one of these questions, where females are all lumped into some generalized heap of "evil females" I see a relationship gone sour, one nasty woman, hurtful and badly behaved. And out pops this man, asking a question and applying her behavior to "all" women.

I can only speak for myself and I know not one person (man or woman) who would describe me as you do "women" in general.

So your question means nothing to me. I don't even know of any women it does apply to. Perhaps you should stay out of cheap bars and find your women in more decent haunts.

Answer 9

Maybe that's because woman CAUSE men to hate them!
It has been my experience in life that women feel that just because they form a relation with a man, that everything the man owns belongs to them. Just look at the divorce rate in America. It is such a profitable situation, that they jump in and out of marrage like they are changing jobs. Each time, in Court, they cry the BOO HOO BOOGY and take from the man everything they can. They use the children as TOOLS to gain financial independance, and in many cases, the children are not of the father the woman claims them to be.

Sounds like I'm a woman hater but that's not true. All of the situations I have spoken of are fact. It happens every day.

Answer 10

Yawn...LESSON TIME. Time to dispell your sterotyped ideas. Didn't they teach you ANY critical thinking skills in school???? How is it that you people swallow 'hook line and sinker' whatever the popular media tells you to think??? WHAT MAKES YOU AMERICANS INTO SUCH SHEEP??? I challenge anyone to find a more authoritative source on the subject:

'MEN AND WOMEN FOUND MORE SIMILAR THAN PORTRAYED IN POPULAR MEDIA, ACCORDING TO RESEARCH ON GENDER DIFFERENCES'

Washington — The popular media has portrayed men and women as psychologically different as two planets – Mars and Venus - but these differences are vastly overestimated and the two sexes are more similar in personality, communication, cognitive ability and leadership than realized, according to a review of 46 meta-analyses conducted over the last 20 years.

According to the meta-analysis of studies on gender differences reported on in the current issue of the American Psychologist, males and females from childhood to adulthood are more alike than different on most but not all psychological variables, said psychologist Janet S. Hyde, Ph.D., of the University of Wisconsin in Madison. Psychological differences based on gender were examined in studies that looked at a number of psychological traits and abilities to determine how much gender influenced an outcome. The traits and variables examined were cognitive abilities, verbal and nonverbal communication, social or psychological traits like aggression or leadership, psychological well-being like self-esteem, motor behaviors like throwing distance and moral reasoning.

Gender differences accounted for either zero or a very small effect for most of the psychological variables examined, according to Hyde. Only motor behaviors (throwing distance), some aspects of sexuality and heightened physical aggression showed marked gender differences.

Furthermore, gender differences seem to depend on the context they were measured in, said Hyde. In studies where gender norms are removed, researchers demonstrated how important gender roles and social context were in determining a person’s actions. In one study where participants in the experimental group were told that they were not identified as male or female nor wore any identification, neither sex conformed to a stereotyped image when given the opportunity to act aggressively. They did the opposite to what was expected.

Over-inflated claims of gender difference seen in the mass media affect men and women in work, parenting and relationships, said Hyde. Studies of gender and evaluation of leaders in the workplace show that women who go against the caring, nurturing stereotype may pay for it dearly when being hired or evaluated. This also happens with the portrayals of relationships in the media. Best-selling books and popular magazine articles assert that women and men can’t get along because they communicate too differently, said Dr. Hyde. Maybe the problem is that they give up prematurely because they believe they can’t change what they mistakenly believe is an innate trait, she added.

Children also suffer the consequences of these exaggerated claims of gender difference. There is a wide spread belief that boys are better in math than girls, said Dr Hyde. But according to this meta-analysis, boys and girls perform equally in math until high school where boys do gain a small advantage. Unfortunately, elementary aged mathematically-talented girls may be overlooked by parents who have lower expectations for a daughter’s success in math versus a son’s likelihood to succeed in math. Research has shown that parents’ expectations for their children’s math success relate strongly to a child’s self-confidence and his or her performance.

The misrepresentation of how different the sexes are, which is not supported by the scientific evidence, harms men and women of all ages in many different areas of life, said Dr. Hyde. “The claims can hurt women’s opportunities in the workplace, dissuade couples from trying to resolve conflict and communication problems and cause unnecessary obstacles that hurt children and adolescents’ self-esteem.”