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A World Unknown



Where the sun shines its happiness
Where the moon shimmers its white truth
is a world unknown .

Where the flowers blossom every time
Where the wind blows the sadness away
is a world unknown

Where the radiance of love glitters on everyone’s faces
Where the sparkle of purity is expressed in the dark night
is a world unknown .

Where the voices of singing birds are louder than the destruction of the war ,
Where the equality amongst every being rules
is a world unknown .

Where nothing is like our earth ,
Where nothing has been destructed by us
is a world unknown .

2007-02-17 23:17:28 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities Books & Authors

10 answers

WOW, IT IS SO NICE, You should make a lot more.

2007-02-17 23:20:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 2

this is a really cool poem. i love reading other people's unpublished poems, and there usually aren't that many good ones out there. yours was a refreshingly good one.

some observations: the first stanza is nice, as is the second one, though it could use a little punch of something less-cliche. yeah, the flowers blossom and the wind blows, but why can't the wind wildly pursue a place without sadness? just a few word-changes would make it spicier.

the third and fourth stanzas could be made a little shorter, just so the flow is preserved and it sounds better when read aloud. and yes, destructed could be replaced with destroyed, but other than that, it's wonderful. nice tone, excellent idea.

2007-02-18 17:19:31 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 1 1

I think that it is very impressive. It adds a sort of a mystery at the end of each verse when the repetition of the title is mimicked. It is really powerful and intense it made my blood crawl in a good way (if you know what i mean). Try publishing it or entering a competition.

2007-02-18 10:41:16 · answer #3 · answered by :( ??? 2 · 0 0

I love this one too!! It makes a statement. Maybe it's not about Earth as a whole maybe your "world unknown" is a third world country that no one really knows about. It lets us know that we need to open our eyes to what is going on in the world outside the US. Good job! Keep it up!

2007-02-18 09:55:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

Beautiful

2007-02-18 07:21:02 · answer #5 · answered by reshadow31 3 · 0 2

Nice, but there is no word "destructed". Change it to destroyed. Also, lose the "t" at the end of among.

2007-02-18 12:24:22 · answer #6 · answered by Luna 2 · 1 0

Sounds like Utopia to me. Good effort.

2007-02-18 23:02:09 · answer #7 · answered by concernedjean 5 · 0 0

so pacifistic..i like it. it's not about Earth,is it?think it sounds like everyone's specific inner world for me

2007-02-18 07:23:49 · answer #8 · answered by Jule. 3 · 1 1

thought provoking

2007-02-18 07:20:44 · answer #9 · answered by hari prasad 5 · 0 2

awesome i liked that. it sounded good.

2007-02-18 15:17:32 · answer #10 · answered by Vamp_bloodlust 1 · 0 2

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