what do i do?

Question

im in a bit of a pickle and dont know what to do.i think my husband is taking drugs again and i dont think i can go through this with him again.hes done this about 5/6 times now.i just think when will he ever learn.am i being selfish about this.ive taken matters into my own hands before and everytime hes got himself sorted i take his sorry a** back.am i just a door mat

Answer 1

this is a hard one,you have stuck by him before,did he promise to stop for good,if yes then can you trust anything he say,s.

Answer 2

You choose to be a door mat. He's take drugs 5-6 times and you've forgiven him everytime. The result of this is that he will keep doing it again an again because you keep forgiving him - he expects that from you now. If you are truly feed up with it then tell he comes off it now and if you catch him taking it again he will lose you. Don't just say this to him do it. If he does it again throw him out the house or you pack your bags and leave. Show him you mean business. No one wants to live with a drug user. Good luck!

Answer 3

I don't know about a doormat, but I know where your coming from, I am in the same jar of pickles with you. My fiancee, 50, was drug free when I met him 4 years ago. He told me he use to smoke, and in his younger days tried a little of some other stuff, not the needles or meth or anything like that but he did more than just smoke. He told me when his Mom passed away in "94" he quit. His sister and brother-in-law are on probation for drug use and selling, his boys think partying is more important than anything else, just recently they went to work but still live with us they are 21 & 23. All around us we see the effects that drugs are having on not just the world at large but our own loved ones...So I ask, why is he smoking again? The smell literally gags me. At first he said he was, then he said just here and there, now I know he is smoking every chance he gets and because it's so cold outside he hides in the basement and thinks airfreshner is covering up the stink. I've come to hate pay days (most people look forward to them, to me it's another bag), and it's to the point when his neice calls or shows up I just want to smack her up along side the head (you would think a normal person that has both their parents just a step away from doing time behind bars because of drugs wouldn't have the nerve to sell themselves, this is what drugs do to people, they can't see how it distroys lives and common sense.). He does not smoke in front of me because he knows how much I hate it..just last night we talked about it "AGAIN" and he said he was going through a mid-life crisis and he was about ready to stop again. I love him and he's a good man other than this discusting illegal problem and I don't know what more to do and say, I too am at my wits end.

Answer 4

It's a toughie, I have been through a similar thing. You've got to be tough and don't settle for anything less than what you deserve and/or think is right. Perhaps a real shock is what he needs to make him wake up and smell the coffee, if not for the marriage then at least for his own salvation. If he can't get right then he doesn't deserve you and you're better off without him. My sister-in-law is 34 and has just found out she has 2 years to live! I think we should all think about life like that and make the most of it - it's so precious and awesome and too short to spend being unhappy. Sure it hurts like hell for a while but then it gets better and you find yourself smiling and being happy again. It doesn't sound like he's going to change.... they never do.
Good luck and be good to yourself, you need love and support too!

Answer 5

Hi Debbie, sorry to say this but I would suggest that enough is enough, you have supported him more than he deserves, and it is time to move on, looks like he just can't let go of the habit and there is no reason why you should continue to have to suffer this. To leave him after the first time would or could be seen as selfish, but after 5-6 times it is called getting a life for yourself. Good luck which ever way you choose to go

Answer 6

I need more info. What kind of drugs? How often? Does it change his behavior? How long has this been going on? How long is he clean in between?
These situations are hard because I am guessing when he isnt using life is good. Unfortunately the only one who can decide to quit is him. It sounds like he has tried. For how long was he off of them for? Everyone "falls of the wagon" from time to time. When he starts up again is it a one time thing? Does it go on for months?
There are a lot of groups to help people w family members w substance abuse issues you should contact them and they could better help you than anyone here. Also you should consider counseling for yourself to help you deal w this.

Answer 7

Yep... u the door mat! he did it 2 many time's. This is y u smell so bad! wiping the gunk of his feet! At some point u got 2 chase ur ambition's life is short! if u have children it wont get better! they will be the one's hurt . make up ur mind suga! dont spend ur life getting gunk on u!There may b a water shortage and we all have 2 smell u! and i will tell u that u stink and ask u 2 stay as far away from me as possiable

Answer 8

I'm not going to tell you to leave your husband...but you do need to decide what you're willing to put up with and what your not. I do know that drugs take a major toll on relationships and the drug user also. Maybe you could try going to a support group for spouses of drug users or talk to a therapist. That may give you an idea on how to proceed.

Answer 9

It is really hard, but how many times can you go round in circles? How many last chances does he get? You have been there for him before and tried to help and your back where you started!? Id leave him and then if he really loves you he would realise what he has lost, then you can set your terms again. If not then your obviously better off with out. Good luck.

Answer 10

cruel 2 b kind?
u must walk away.
might b forever or it might bring him 2 his senses.
ur not a doormat if u do something now.
if u can't talk 2 him, drug-takers seem 2 b over-defensive & try 2 blame others 4 their habit.
don't let him do this 2 u.
i know u love him,
do u love him enough 2 let him go & save urself from lots of heart-ache?
there has 2 come a time where u say
enough is enough!
sorry,
but they MUST b forced 2 change & i hope he heeds the warning.

Answer 11

Until he figures out that you are serious he will not stop. The key here is that you keep taking him back.
Put him out and do not let him back unless he is clean.

He must make his choice which is more important . If you keep taking him back there is no need for him to decide.