Help I need a life?

Question

For more than 20 years I was the most important person in my sons life recently he met someone and now has his own family he no longer has room in his life for me. Sometimes it was a strain supporting him and I prayed he would become more independant but I did not realise that this would result in my being completely cut out of his life. My life at the moment involves me going to work, endless rounds of doctors appointments ( am having tests for a number of health problems) and sitting at home on my computer or on the phone to family members who live a distance away.

I don't expect to be the sole focus of his attention but the occasional phone call would not hurt. He does not live near enough to see regularly and only calls if he wants something.

Answer 1

You've done a terrific job but now its time to do your own thing

You need to find another niche in life to give you purpose. What that is, depends on what your interests are or what could interest you.

Your grandchildren should be a big part of that because you already know and understand the trials and tribulations this young couple will go through rearing their children. This should keep you busy for the next 20 years ;)

Caution however because your advise or actions here could be construed as overbearing or intefering especially from the daughter-in-law. In general though as you well know young couples like to do things their own way. Which is why it would be good to have other activities in your life.

There are always many groups that you could become involved with i.e.

-Womens clubs
-Sports clubs
-Single clubs
-Book clubs
-Travel clubs
-Car clubs
-Chat / help rooms
-Scool boards and others

Its really up to your own personal preference and what you can commit yourself to and according to your health.

GO FOR IT GIRL AND GOOD LUCK

Answer 2

Go and join clubs so yo can meet people. Surely you got some friends you can meet up with.
When you son lived at home you ran around for him but that was your choice. Now he has become independant you feel abandoned. Dont begrudge him a life of his own and the saying goes
'A daughter is a daughter all of her life but a son is a son until he finds a wife'.
You could always move closer to your family

Answer 3

Well I can speak from the sons point of view. Sometimes we make our self busy with everything else we allow ourselves to forget about things that are important to us. We may make the plans to call or to come see our family but we get side tracked as more time goes by we feel ashamed that its been a month since we talked, thus only making it harder for us to do so. Maybe you feel like he should be the one to call you but its OK for you to call him. Just to say hi and keep updated maybe set up one day a week to call, or to have dinner together. Now when you bring in the health issues it can also make things hard and also make him slightly uncomfortable. I would say take things one step at a time if you are in good communication maybe talking to him about your health issues would help him feel more comfortable.

Answer 4

Consider doing some work for charities or good causes, like writing letters in support of prisoners of conscience for Amnesty International, or helping Meals on Wheels for two hours a fortnight ( there are hundreds, how about taking a disadvantaged child on an outing for a day, or visiting children in hospital?); it would help you feel valued and useful, helping fill the void in your life.

Answer 5

You have actually done a brilliant job in bring him up to be independent. He will just be very busy with his own life and will not think to ring etc but also he will not be, not ringing, for spite. He will come back to you eventually, meantime, do some new things give yourself some attention.
Sons usually do tend to lean to the wife's family anyway as they darn't do any other....lol

Answer 6

We all make sacrifices for our children. This doesn't mean that they're obligated to us when they're grown. If you've expressed that (that he owes you) to him, he may be resentful - and rightfully so. If you said things like that to him, you need to apologize.

It's time for you to make some changes in your life - you've become stagnate. Find new social outlets in your life. You are responsible for your own happiness. You can't rely on other people to make you happy. Develop new hobbies, join a social club with other "empty nesters". Start a new exercise routine. All of these things will help you to feel more like a whole person again and may even help with some of your health issues.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I guess this is the dilemma every mom would face once their son/daughter become independent in life.I am an Indian and back here,we have a much more elaborate family bonding.Still,once we grow up and have a family of our own,then we would have our responsibilties to take care of and thus,you can't expect that your son will spend as much time with you as he did when he was in school or college,or for that matter,while in a job.Just put yourself in your Daughter-in-law's shoes-would you be happy if your husband spent most of the time with his mom instead of looking after his wife,spending time with her and taking care of his children???I hope not.So,don't be disheartened,spend your time listening to music,chatting with old friends,cooking,going out to clubs and of course your work.Just think of yourself-did you spend that much time with your parents once you started your own family?Of course,parents do hold some position in the lives of thier children but not to the point of encroaching upon their private space once they grow up.So.accept it to be a cycle of life and try to mingle with your daughter-in-law as a friend,not as your rival who is getting all the attention of your son.I hope this will help you out of this.

Answer 8

Have you thought of joining a club? I did that and have made new friends. I also have lots of places to go as I joined a ringcraft club and have now show my dog all summer. Think about what interests you and see if there are any clubs in your area. good luck!

Answer 9

Its called empty nest syndrome. Welcome to the club. It will get easier. Son has a life now and you need to get a grip and get a life also. Find a hobby or something that interest you. Find a friend male and female .. Go shopping.. date again. Good luck to you.

Answer 10

Maybe you should initiate some more contact - like see if he want to go to the theater/movie/etc with you?

Other than that theres not much to do - but indeed find other things to do.