can you feel down or lonely when you only just go married ?

Question

we got married oct 21 06 and we boh love each other to bits were both really happy i just want to make that clear ! its just i keep feeling so down lately theres so many things happening at thye moment i have horrible inlaws who i have to be nice to and they treat me and my autistic son terrible! they ruined our honeymoon and upset me on our big day and caused so much trouble before the wedding i could tell them what i think but i dont want to hurt my hubby . and its so hard to get a mortgage were having to rent and the house where in is awfull i keep it clean b ut the walls and everything is in a state im sorry for going on but i cant go on at my husband all the time he will get fed up of me he says he wont .i just want to know what you think would you be upset about things ? its just i keep crying all the time and its so hard trying not to when im looking after our son i dont want him to pick up on it he is autistic but he knows if im happy or sad i want him to be happy

Thankyou all for your nice answers i am the bride and i did allready have my son when i met my husband but we dont see the father anymore he did something really awfull to me i not say what but he beat me asswell and started drugs so i left him and then i found out he got another girl pregnant at the same time as me too . so hes long gone now he knows to stay away he wasnt safe to be near my son who is now 5 1/2 thankyou again

Answer 1

Here is the deal with weddings and I know this from personal experience. They are totally stressful, they take lots of work, and they can't possibly end up satisfying your expectations. Months and months of planning and $25,000 in costs for one day!!! Insane. My grandparents went to Reno and got it done in a day and were married for 60 years and were only there with another couple who were my grandparents' lifelong friends (and I mean they were close right up until my grandparents died).

In a wedding, someone always gets drunk or someone is disapointed or someone feels left out or the bride feels like she should have more control, but she can't get the people there to do her bidding exactly and she feels horrible. Here is a day where the bride and groom are the focus and, yet, a host of other people come and maintain their selfishness and want the focus to be on them. In the weddings where I've been involved, there was always some kind of screw up. In my own wedding, there were screw ups. In a wedding where I was a groomsman, the bride began to despise me and the best man became my enemy for some reason. When my older sister's wedding occurred, I felt totally left out and had a horrible time. Actually, I had an awesome time at my younger sister's wedding.

My own honeymoon was mostly pretty cool, but there were fights, etc. My wife wanted everything to be perfect. Nothing is perfect, so the expectation of perfection is unreasonable.

Incidentally, it's not uncommon for a bride and the grooms mom to be at odds. That's how it is in my life. At first, it was horrible and I didn't know what to do. My wife dealt with it (after many years), but they never talked and my mom feels left out all the time. But frankly, talking would have never solved it. There was just too much deep within the both of them that they could never explore and define and deal with. It was the unconscious things that they could never fix that hurt the relationship.

As such, telling your in laws what you think of them is a bad idea. You'll have to deal with them at family events, but you can minimize them. When you get there, just grin and bear it. You also might consider that a lot of this is born out of your own insecurities, but that your in laws have these insecurities, too. The in laws will probably never deal with them, so you can try to understand them, but you won't get them to change. You can only change yourself.

I would think that getting married is a major, major adjustment to make. There is this romantic falacy in our culture. Marriage is work and going from a free state to one where you aren't as free is suddenly huge. It's like post-pardem depression. I don't have any statistics, but I'll bet money that a huge percentage of the population is depressed after getting married.

Moreover, you have more problems than I did. You have a housing problem and an autistic child and a host of other things. Wow. You have a load on yourself and it's probably always bearing down. Why wouldn't you feel depressed? I would say that you are supposed to feel depressed. If you didn't show your depression and seemed happy all the time, I'd think you were fooling me and there was something under the surface that your weren't showing. In other words, this is normal.

The thing to do is to make sure you have time for yourself. You should also consider going to see a psychologist to talk things out and maybe even your doctor to get some anti-anxiety and anti-depression drugs. You would be surprised what huge percentage of the population is on anti-depressants (the last statistic I saw several years ago was that 40 million Americans suffer depression every year) and a lot of people on anti-depressants tend to be women. Anti-anxiety meds are generally a temporary measure and you get about two weeks worth. Well, see your doctor. The meds are miraculous and may make you feel a lot better.

The psychologist will then teach you copping skills that you can use with your husband and in-laws. The psychologist would give you insights into your husband and inlaws, etc. One insight I can give you is that your husband and inlaws all have their insecurities and they suffer from them. Your inlaws idocy stems from hurt that they suffered in their lives and you can even feel sorry for them (that strategy works for me).

Good luck and take care.

Answer 2

You need some help and support. It sounds like you have an overwhelming situation.

1. You and your husband would benefit in seeing a good marriage counselor.

2. Your husband needs to stand up for you and protect you from the horrible inlaws. You should be in this together and whatever it takes, your husband needs to take care of your needs. Stay away from your inlaws except for specified times...like once a month.

3. Maybe you could move to an apt that is less upkeep while you save money to buy.

4. Can you take turns with the parent of another child with autism so you can go shopping alone or take a walk.

Answer 3

Stop feeling sorry for your self. You need to grow up and live your own life. You make your life what it is. Being shy to go out by yourself is something you need to get over. Why haven't you ask someone out, rather a date or one of your friends. You have friends so why aren't you spending time with them? why don't you have Saturday BBQ at your house and invite some friends and some co workers that you talk to, tell them to bring a friend. If they ask ,are you seeing any one, say no, not Right now, why do you know some single girls, then bring along to the BBQ. or maybe see if any one interested in joining or starting up a team to play softball in a league or a bowling league, Don't wait on others to call or invite, You make the first call and you invite. On a lonely, night,,call a friend , ask what their doing and see if they want to catch a bite to eat or have a beer someplace. it they say just hang out or watching the game, ask if they want any company. Put yourself out there. Live your life, have fun, you only get one chance here, don't set around and waste a moment. Look in the mirror. You can do this , then just do it.

Answer 4

Don't know whether your the bride or groom but whatever here goes. Your inlaws do not have to be put up with and make that clear to your spouse. They have to accomodate you just as much and more if they are in your house. End of story. You and your son are more than important and I order you to get that through your head right this moment. Understand. Had to say it honey.pal or whatever.

Answer 5

I have so been in your shoes!!!! I married and the in-laws were a problem in the beginning and having a son with special needs even made matters "where they are concerned", worse! It even got to the point I wouldn't let them spend time with my son until I could trust them in that area.
My advice is this, talk to your husband, he may have noticed all of this and just doesn't know what to do himself or its the fact that you aren't saying anything that he may not even notice there is a problem.
In-laws who overstep their boundaries need to be put in their place but after you and him talk, the both of you can decide how to best handle this situation and do it as a team. It will allow your in-laws to view the two of you as one.
On another note, do you get to have "me" time? Look in your area for play groups so that you can find a support system of other mothers who are raising a child with challenges, It's will give you the chance to make new friends and maybe even swap babysitting.
Best Wishes to you and your family. :)

Answer 6

oh, i feel so sorry for you, after the climax of your wedding there is nothing really to look foward to at the moment. you need something to focus on, maybe you could look around for a better place to rent, we used to live in a really crappy house and it always made me feel down, we have moved elsewhere and we are really happy. if moving is definatley out of the question why not plan a cheap post wedding get away. even if it is just for a weekend,call it a second honeymoon. if i were you i wouldn't even mention it to your in laws, just do it.
hope this helps and feel better soon love.

Answer 7

Is the son your and your hubby or some one easy and about your inlaws that will all way could you trouble so tried to stay away for that as must as you can OK

Answer 8

i dont know how old your special son is ,you may have a little pre natial syndrome////,but .if you dont make a stand now. your inlaws will keep trying to rule the roost,your husband sounds like a mummys boy tell him to grow some balls

Answer 9

---------if the inlaws are causeing you so much grief then you need to talk to your husband about this----he;ll understand ----if the inlaws are the main problem --then the inlaws need to go---or start to respect your feelings and treat you as thier daughter -in -law---you;ve got to speak up or things will never change-------good luck

Answer 10

You may love your husband very much, but you are miserable. You need to talk to him about how you feel. You can not keep living like that. You deserve to be happy. Talk to him about his family & how they make you feel. Ask his advice about getting along with them.