How is this piece of text I wrote.....................?

Question

Its the starting of a book I'm planning to write.

A wide clearing lay out before them. Alan held his backpack in his hands and opened. When his hands felt it, he took it out. Dropping his backpack, Alan looked out into the clearing with his binoculars. It was quite grassy, mostly yellow with a few bare patches of dirt. There was no man nor animal in sight. The clearing ended a couple hundred yards away. From there, the trees continued, extending farther then his binocular's range. He stood still for a moment. No sound nor movement except for that of the wind. Alan put back the binoculars, zipped his bag and started out unto the clearing. He took each step with caution. After walking three or four feet, he stopped.
Time flew past him like the gentle breeze to which the grasses and trees were swaying. Alan looked around. The clearing measured by the far a couple thousand square feet. Not much, he though. His eyes scanned for the slightest movement. Seeing nothing, he turned his attention to the ground. It was one of those bare patches he had seen earlier. Many small rocks were twingled in the grasses. Alan crouched a little. Sweat ran down his face, hands and legs.
The calm wind blew into his face like water splashing upon it. It relieved Alan and brought down some of the discomforting heat. His keen ears could hear the rustle of the leaves in the forest behind him. Alan sat on his legs, among the grasses. If anyone was watching from the other side of the forest, they wouldn't be able to see him. His hands felt the wet grass. Weird, he thought. It was a really clear sunny day and no sign of rain was in the skies. The moisture softened his hands. Alan rubbed his wet hands against his face. He felt alive again.
A shining rock lay between the grasses. He was about to pick it up when his eyes caught something moving on the ground. Instinct told him to retreat and he did. Alan threw himself backward. His body hit the ground sometime later. He didn't know when. A bundle of grasses had cushioned his landing. He instinctively stood up and faced the threat. There was nothing. Alan slowly walked closer and bent down. His eyes didn't notice anything at first but when he calmed down and stood still, an ant scurried across the ground. Alan hit himself on the head. He had expected something a little more dangerous. Good thing he was alone. Someone might have surely laughed his head off.
Driving those thoughts out of his mind, he stared at the tiny fellow. It seemed lost. When he bent his knees and sat, the ant suddenly turned in his direction. It ran straight through his legs. Alan swung his head just in time to see the ant disappear beneath a big brown rock. The rock made a stamping sound as it hit the ground. Dirt went flying at the impact and when it cleared, Alan could see the huge unhuman leg that arose from the rock.

Answer 1

I will start with a simple pointer or two and try and critique it more later. I'll start with tips about your structure (instead of content):

Create proper paragraphs. Structure helps peoples' minds stay focused on what you have to say. For example ...

Improper (what you're doing):

[First paragraph] asdlfkj asdlfkj asdlfk a l;kjsadf kjsda. asdlf alkjsd sdflj? asdfl lkjdf alkjdf lkjasdf aklsdf alskdjf asdf asdf ... alsdk aslkf alk lk;asdf lkjsf.
[Second paragraph] asdflkj sadf asd kj asdfoja aoij ao aso o adf poisdafpoisdf iiasdfoi oi fpoa ppf ooo aoa p pdf jdf opijasdokjf allasdlka asdf asdf oiasal alkdf.

Proper:

[First paragraph] asdlk aslfkj salkj skja kj kjs al j aslf lkjasdfl;kja lkj a asdf asdf lkj alkj sadfl all alkdf lallkjsdf lalkja poisdafpoisdf iiasdfoi oi fpoa ppf ooo aoa p pdf jdf opijasdokjf allasdlka asdf asdf oiasal alkdf.

[Second paragraph]asdlfkj asdlfkj asdlfk a l;kjsadf kjsda. asdlf alkjsd sdflj? asdfl lkjdf alkjdf lkjasdf aklsdf alskdjf asdf asdf ... alsdk aslkf alk lk;asdf lkjsf io whe aeerio aer, aeroiaoier aesoiraoi ae kjes.

See the difference? ... Ok, second thing - for now - is you really need to check this again for careless typos, such as, using the word "though" instead of "thought" in "not much he thought". You also failed to use quotation marks in this instance. Quotation marks or italics are generally used to indicate a person talking or broadcasting a thought to himself or the reader.

Ok, I'll throw in one final pointer. Language has a rhythm; meter. Your sentences are all short with very few exceptions. This has the affect of creating a monotonous drone that makes the narrative dull and tedius. Check out what I mean. It is a bit of an exaggeration but hopefully you'll understand:

Example#1 (Boring):

I have a cow. The cow is smart. Sometimes she talks. I talk back usually. Some guy told me she is cute. I really think so as well. I love my cow. I truly want her milk. Maybe she'll give. One day I hope to get her milk.

Example#2 (Engaging):

I have a cow who is so smart that she sometimes talks. Usually I talk back to her. A guy told me she is cute and I have to agree with him. Truth is, I love my cow and hope that one day she''ll give me some milk.

... Excuse any typos lol!

Answer 2

Beats Harry Potter

Answer 3

There is some suspense, but I agree with the guy above, the sentences are rather abrupt. Also try limiting the use of "Alan" and "He" and "His" at the start of nearly every sentence. Look for a sense of rhythm and slow escalation of that suspense.

Answer 4

A little bit unrealistic, still continue the story till the end. Good Keep it up.

Answer 5

Go on... you already started. I want to start writing, but I'm not sure how to start. I've been told writing in the narrative is easy, but need some guidance. Then what happend?

Answer 6

U r really very creative. Continue

Answer 7

Very long and very descriptive.I don't know much about authors,but u seem like one.Hope that is a good thought.

Answer 8

Very Good!

Answer 9

I liked it! Will we get to read the rest of the story?

Answer 10

Not bad!

Just one mistake

"A wide clearing lay out before them.".......who's them? Shouldn't it be before him?