I know I've raised this before, my husband is my soul mate, who is also a continual cheater. I'm getting ready to leave, because he doesn't intend to change his ways. What a sad end to an 18 year marriage. Geez it hurts so much. I feel like my heart is being pulled out of my chest. How does one make this pain subside?
2007-02-17 20:07:31 · 18 answers · asked by Vanessa 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My definition of a soulmate is that we understand each other, we are best friends, content with one another, compatible, completely honest with each other, and he's also just a nice person to be around. Aside from his cheating he'd be perfect. He's slept with close friends of mine (well they aren't friends anymore obviously). But apart from that severe fracture in his character, I just can't fault him.
2007-02-17 20:19:06 · update #1
Of course I don't like being a bloody victim, I wouldn't try to exit if I did.
2007-02-17 20:25:29 · update #2
18 years is a long time. Now that you've decided to move on with your life without him, pluck up your courage and move on. Quit thinking about him and do things you enjoy. This would help eases the pains and hurts. Be strong.
2007-02-17 20:11:28 · answer #1 · answered by SGElite 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are the first that this has happened to and you won't be the last. If he's cheating all the time, he isn't your soul mate and he doesn't understand you. He's a bastard and he did this to himself. What a self-centered SOB for having sex with your friends. If he wasn't so self-centered, he might be able to understand you. As it is now, he can't possibly understand that this is okay and he can't possibly understand you if he does this. This is not a soul mate. It isn't. It isn't. It isn't!!!
I should also mention that I think the term soul mate is a bunch of pop psychology garbage. Marriage takes work and no one is perfect. There are lots of fish in the sea, but once you find one that's good, it's okay to be with them, but there are rules for a happy marriage and you must work. If he can't work on himself and you're doing all the work, he's not worth it. His constant cheating is also a health risk. God knows what his other partners have.
How does the pain subside? It might always be there, but it'll lessen with time. You can't just magically make it go away. It'll nag at you for a long time. It'll mess with your insecurities and breed more. It'll be a few months before you feel "Normal." Once you get to a stable place where you will have your place to live and the new paradigm is in place, you'll feel decent. You'll even have some happy times and laughs with others. Eventually, you'll date someone and a new paradigm will again be in place and you'll get past this and your marriage will just be one of those stages that you past through and the horribleness of if will fade and fade. The thing that sounds pretty cool is that, even though it's really scary, you'll be making a new life and the new paradigms will be fresh and fun and challenging. Not everyone gets to start over again.
Good luck and take care.
2007-02-17 21:15:56 · answer #2 · answered by Erik B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey. It goes away believe me. Only thing worse than the time you have given is to give more.
Do you know how many soul mates are out there. For you to say that your soul mate is a cheater says little about your self esteem.
Ask yourself-do you want a cheater who is risking your life as he cheats for your husband?
Is that the kind of person you deserve?
Has it really been an 18 year marriage when he has not been really married to the one woman he vowed to be married to-you?
Get real and do what you need to do today. Get some counseling so that you can make the best decision for you!
You will see that being a diva is a good thing!
2007-02-17 20:16:40 · answer #3 · answered by Arene 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't make the pain subside right away. You can only do the best you can for yourself and move forward with the faith that a better existence awaits. Time will help and support from friends will help. Your husband has some serious issues to work out for himself, but you have tried your best and he has been unable to work through them. You can live your own life now content that you have gone above and beyond to give him a chance to change. Good luck and take care.
2007-02-18 05:21:56 · answer #4 · answered by Paul 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain but its not the end of the world its just the beginning for you.
I was married 22 years and thought the same as you .I soon found out life is greener on the other side then people where telling me .Now that I look back at her and all the guys she was with when she was married to me i really cant see what i seen in her. I'm really having fun out here now and not just living for her anymore . Scary at first but was well worth it
2007-02-17 20:54:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you finally decide to leave your husband, get involved in community activities. The church, school, organizations, etc.
There is no single answer that covers all basis. There is only emotional pain before you at this time in your life. If you stay, you will be living with the pain for the rest of your life. If you leave, the pain will subside, and in time, you will meet someone else and move on with your life.
Good luck...
2007-02-17 20:15:59 · answer #6 · answered by marnefirstinfantry 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its not that we don't love them, and after all of those years it is hard to go, but if he keeps cheating than there doesn't seem to ever be an end to the misery, and why invest anymore in it, if it keeps turning out this way for u? takes time for the pain to go, like a process, but going through the pain is the only way to get out of it. why keep forgiving and getting the same results. your beating a dead horse.
2007-02-18 02:43:27 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in the long run when u find a man that will treat u good, u will see he is not ur soul mate. ur soul mate would never hurt u. it will take about a yr after ur divorice before u will really start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
2007-02-17 20:18:13 · answer #8 · answered by jesse james 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What's your definition of soulmate? To me it's a person who makes you complete. Someone who is looking elsewhere for intimate companionship would not fill the bill for me.
Your pain is real because of the emotional investment you have put into this relationship, but he is unworthy of your love.
2007-02-17 20:15:29 · answer #9 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is so hard and I feel so sorry for you and I know how you feel. When they cheat you feel betrayed and it huts so bad because I know that you love him. To deal with the pain you can try counseling and then just remeber that he is the one that is at fault not you. I hope that dont sound mean. I hope that everything will work out for you.
2007-02-17 20:13:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋