How should we deal with some one who has insulted / harmed us in the past?

Question

In the course of a lifetime, we come across people who have intentionally harmed or insulted us. How can we protect ourselves against people with such intentions especially if we anticipate that these people are likely to replicate their past behaviour.

People like these can be from any walk of life - e.g. your colleague sitting in the next cabin who has intentionally taken credit for the work done by you or your neighbour who intentionally throws garbage in your yard.

In short, they can not be avoided plus, the idea is, if possible, how to reform these people into better human beings and citizens? How can we change their thought patterns? How can we win them over so that the "good" resident in them becomes the dominant part of their personality?

At the same time, v should b able 2 maintain, if not enhance, our dignity - "stoop to conquer" is not s'thing dat I personally find appealing!

I look forward 2 hearing some thot thru / considered responses.

Thanks & Cheers!

Answer 1

A smart person would juz smile at whatever the person does.And I'm sorry 2 say that people themselves are able 2 change 4 the good.Anyway, i hope that such "bad"citizens would turn good after glancing or answering this great question.Thank you 4 being a good being.

Answer 2

Forgive them if they have harmed you - for that is the only way you will heal from what they have done - to not forgive is to keep yourself bound to that person, so in a way they can keep hurting you| People who have been destroyed becaue of what happened to them - and I am not talking about the effects of severe psychological tramau here (which can heal), but when the person becomes ugly, mean, bitter, and hard - is because they have not forgiven| If you have been injured by another, forgivness is an absolute| There simply *is no* healing or salvation without forgiveness|

If you are threatened, you have the right to take up arms if you are attacked, and the duty to do so if another is attacked if it is within your power to do so|

And about reforming people, some cannot be reformed because if they have decided to do evil, that is what they will do| No one can move another's will against that person's will.




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Answer 3

People make mistakes. We are all human. It's just a matter of understanding who you are and how much power you have to control other's actions. If they are doing something illegal, then yes, you have some control over the situation and the consequences thereof. However, if they are simply "bad citizens" who lack the common decency to treat others with respect and dignity, then you are best off ignoring them, pretending they don't exist, and if possible, removing them completely from your life.
Then, who cares about changing them. Some people are so far gone that it would take serious effort and intervention. And who has the time for that? It's not your place to make sure they do what is "morally right".
HOWEVER-- if you look at this from the perspective of "what if it was my responsibility to change them" then I would recommend serious counseling for them because people like this are very stubborn and have a tendency to only listen to themselves and they need someone qualified in this area to change their mindset.

Answer 4

Two coworkers of mine go tell the staff about my bad nail. It eroded due to my bad epileptic meds. They don't know the origin of the problem; they just got everyone laughing at me. The laughing was no sweat since I've been through worse.
I would love to get the twenty-somethings alone, tell about the ordeal with my meds and epilepsy the past 5 yrs and making them look like fools. When the staff learns about it, it will----even the others who laughed. It won't be so funny. I've had seizures at work.
Every time I see them with someone, I want to ask, "Did you give the retraction?"

Answer 5

Forgiveness. People need to cleanse themselves of all the baggage, and by holding bad feelings in for something that happened in the past is holding them right there...in the past.

Forgiveness allows us to move forward so we can move onto greater things.

We cannot change them..they have to change themselves. People will naturally want to be good if they are surrounded by goodness.

Answer 6

i used to be really bothered and upset when people insulted me but now I just feel sorry for them. I think they are so insecure and low about themselves that they have to make others feel the same. People who are not happy dont like others to be happy so annoy them. If we ignore them and give no response then maybe they will stop wasting their time and do something more constructive.

Answer 7

you cant. all you can do is to forgive them. how do you forgive them? by seeing that they are people just like you. im sure that there are people you hurt and that you dont like. the thing is, when we hold resentment, we hold our ego. our idea of ourselves or the way wed like to be perceived, but the world doesnt revolve around us. we are all sinners. and who is to say they are to change, even if they are the biggest hunk of **** assholes on this earth. so my suggestion is to let it go. and avoid all toxic persons in the future. have a nice day and good luck on your personal path to well being.

Answer 8

Forgive them and treat them with loving kindness. You will only harm yourself by holding a grudge. No matter where you are, you will never insulate yourself from those who would mistreat you. Why do you concern yourself with reforming others? Have you never mistreated someone else?

Cheers to You!

Answer 9

You can forgive...and forget...Many of us walk this simple question in life...but what makes us unique is change...If all of us walk in the line that someone is insulting then there wouldn't be
a good person to find...To change the (MEAN) we must be Good
so that maybe he/she won't get it but someone in the background
will...Someone must LEAD...I'm always on the fight to stop pain
from another person...So hang in there...You're not alone...
Love Ya!

Answer 10

i dont talk to them , as much as possible i avoid them.fortunately i dont see those people anymore. but when i remember what they did to me and the way i felt ,i still feel sorry for myself.they succeded in damaging the little confidence i have. its not my fault that i came from a poor family.