Why don't I have friends?

Question

I'm 18 years old, and I've never really had a real good friend or even a circle group of friends to hang out with. I'm pretty "popular" at school but I've never been able to identify myself with others and have always been a loner. For some reason, I've never met anyone who has the same interests as I do, want to do the things I want to or who I can easily talk to and be comfortable with. And it's not even because I'm in to weird stuff, because I'm not. Sometimes I just wanna go to the beach to hang out or go on a quick roadtrip to nearby cities. I don't even have anybody to go to the movies or mall with because I wouldn't be completely comfortable with them. I am a very laid back, chilled guy with a good sense of humor. Does anyone have any advice or comments. Please don't leave any smart-*** or rude comments.

I guess that I am pretty selective with my friends because I get asked a lot to go to the movies, or play ball or to parties but most of the times I choose not to go because I simply just dont have fun with the people who ask me to go. Our different interests make conversation and having fun harder to do. Its hard to explain but I don't really have fun with them because our sense of humor and fun are different. And I'm laid back but its not to the point where it seems as though I dont care about stuff because people say im a good listener and people tend to come to me when they have a problem.

Answer 1

Have you considered the possibility that what you call 'laid-back' might look to others like 'couldn't care less'? You sounds as though you have slight social anxiety which, believe me, can become more of a problem unless you start to address it now. One or two people here have suggested that your attitude sounds slightly arrogant ('friends who are not perfect' etc) and that is the problem with social anxiety - it can easily be mistaken for aloofness.

As a starting-point, you could read some self-help material eg How to Win Friends and Influence People by Napoleon Hill; you could also consider having a chat with your GP about this - a short stint of cognitive behavioural therapy would help you. Finally, I know how difficult this is but you should try to reach out more to others - you sound as though you may have an issue of trust that needs to be addressed. Let people see a little of the real you, let them know that you have needs just as they do. Don't be afraid to let your mask slip a little - you can't be the good humoured, chilled guy all the time! Show some genuine engagement with them and trust them not to throw it back in your face. It takes courage to do this, but you can't stay in this limbo state forever, can you?

Answer 2

Well, first of all I have to tell you that you are wrong when you are looking for someone who has the same interests as you do. This is what is good in a friend relationship, differences. If u look for someone with same interest and hobby, well, better stay with yourself, it's a win. Finally, when you say ''I wouldn't be completely comfortable with them'', you make me thing that you may have difficulty beeing with people. Take you time my friend, step by step, try something new and you will get more comfortable with differents situations.
Hope it goes well with you. Take care.

Answer 3

If you're already "well-liked" by people at school, because you're relaxed and have a good sense of humor and such...you just need to push yourself to take the next step.

Ask one of the people who you consistently talk to at school if they want to go see a movie or go to beach. If you overhear a group of people saying on Friday that they're going to the beach Saturday morning, ask if you can come along. These things really do not require you to have many of the same interests as others, because the activity itself carries the weight of your interaction. Good luck! And hopefully by doing this, you will find that you DO in fact have some of the same interests as these people.

Answer 4

I am similar to you..I have learned it takes time for me to feel close to people...Since you say you ae popular you must be a likable person.. Do you not trust other people easily?.You need to stick with a few people you think may be possaible friends...relationships ar living breathing things so you do have to work on them....We all have difficulties and daily challenges...reach out to someone you think needs some encouragement....they will appreciate your effort and you will feel good helping them....this is a great way to start a new friendship.
Your laid back personality may be your stumbling block as well. you may need a kick in the butt to get out there and get involved in things...Good luck!! I believe too...you really only need 1 or 2 GOOD friends!!

Answer 5

You never said what your popularity or notoriety is in school. are the know-it-all or are you the class clown? The village Idiot. The Park Perv? We just don't know your personality which others seem to be picking up on and not favourably responding to with inviting you to social outings and or parties or dinners over.

I would if i were you analyze your personality and see where these issue stems. Read the book, Winning Friends and influencing others.

Answer 6

Highschool or College? In highschool your kind of forced to be with random people who don't share your interests.

I also never really had any friends until I was older than you, and I'm definately a loner. You actually sound more social than me, and are apparently less weird. I wouldn't obsess about it.

Answer 7

Im kind of the same way. I would join groups or get a hobby that intersts you. You can make new friends that enjoy doing the same things you like to do.

Answer 8

I have always been shy and have a hard time meeting people. They practically have to push themselves on me, plus it takes me a really long time to get close to someone. Sounds to me your a bit shy or selective who you choose to be with. If your not in school maybe join something to meet people. Club, gym, etc.

Answer 9

I was kinda like that, i have one real good friend now but we dont talk alot.U need to find u a bf/gf once i got married i didnt need friends.(im 16). They r all back stabbers. Dont ned them look for ur soul mate instead. Hope this helps.

Answer 10

sometimes to make friends you need to branch out a little. maybe you should join a club or organization, (except for a cult or gang). you might find a friend in a place you wouldn't expect.