Only for those not getting enough sex?

Question

... because your spouse has a negative attitude about sex (they think sex is a chore or yucky or you don't know what their problem is), or they have a low low sex drive (they might not have one at all). Do you find that nobody understands how crushing this is to your concept of loving sex? You know the special sex with the person you love? Are you even embarrassed that this is happening to you? Perhaps, you are sick of people telling you it is your fault, you're doing something wrong that is causing the problem?

It's another Saturday night and I'm married but I still don't have a lover.

What part of "Only for those not getting enough sex" did you "no it alls" not understand?

You just have to foist your two cents in here. Look you don't understand what this situation is like, so kindly just keep your ignorant prescription to yourself.

oppps, I meant "know it alls".

and for the record "not giving enough sex" does not qualify as "not getting enough sex".

Answer 1

it is a very lonely sitaution to be in..........

i can remember when my old man would f--- a snake if he could keep it still but now he is not interested in me at all

i feel so sad and hurt as though i have been rejected.

he tells me that he loves me but i do not feel like he does

Answer 2

Sorry, I know you said only those not getting enough sex, but I 'm curios about your responses to some of the answers you received: Why so defensive? There was a great response from a young married woman stating that she would be more willing to have sex with her husband if he would help out more. That's very valid advice. Men don't seem to understand that women's libidos are directly connected to how appreciated they feel. Now, I don't know the dynamics of your relationship, but if you have kids and your wife does most of the chores then she's probably exhausted. And taking care of a household and children is a 24 hour job, she doesn't get to punch out at 5 o'clock. Help her a little more and maybe do something really romantic for her. It doesn't have to be extravagant, sometimes just showing that you care about her as a person as opposed to a sexual object or the mother of your children is enough. And by the way, I'm not just talking out the side of my mouth. You ask ANY relationship or sex expert and they'd say the same thing.

Answer 3

I was married to a man who used sex, and the withholding of as a weapon and a means of control. So, yeah, I understand what you're saying.

And it does impact how you think of yourself. After all, you love them and sex is a wonderful way of showing that love. Or can be. So why don't they feel the same way? Don't they love you? It's not a good feeling.

I can't understand why men do this, but I know why it happens with women. I can tell you when my child was born, and I was working full time, I was exhausted. I felt like there was no time for me, and there was never going to be any time for me to sleep, to take a long soak in the tub, to just relax.

I don't know your situation, but it could be your wife feels overwhelmed and exhausted. Try giving her an evening off. If you have kids, either find someone to take them for an evening, or send them off on sleepovers..something. Then YOU have dinner ready for her, and clean up afterwards..draw her a bath a put bubbles in it..give her a "gift basket"..a glass of wine, a little dark chocolate, a small trashy novel, put out a big fluffy towel for her and her robe, and turn on some relaxing music. When she comes out of the tub, put on her favorite movie and just snuggle with her. Skip even trying for sex. Let it be just a quiet relaxing evening. Even if you can't get the kids out of the house once a week, then take over for an evening, and let her have the evening off...again, don't bring up sex. Snuggle. Pamper. Usually women respond to this in a very positive manner. It shows you're paying attention and you care. And that, is very attractive to women. Some guy whining about sex, or demanding it, or trying to "con" you into it...not attractive, especially when you're tired.

And she may just have a low to no drive. There could be medical reasons for it. This is something you need to discuss without anger or accusation, and seek medical help.

Answer 4

For better or worse - promises should mean something. If you and your spouse have been having issues, look at when it started and what the circumstances were. Look also at the stressors that may be going for your spouse. If mine has been cold, distant, or demanding, degrading, I have a hard time being a lover to a hater.

Counseling is never out of the question. It's amazing what it takes to keep married, but the work is worth it. Instead of typing on the computer on another lonely night seeking answers from others, seek it from your spouse.

Answer 5

Sounds like you need to talk to someone that can acknowledge your feelings. Rejection can suck, especially when it is with the one you want to be with , love and made a life time commitment too. So, before you do something stupid like cheat which can hurt you at divorce time, seek help and demand your wife join you at some point.
I don't mean to put fuel on the fire but Did you know a person who's spouse was injured in accident, malpractice suits etc.. can sue the other party for lose of "services" by the injured spouse and seriously get awarded
$ for lack of sex.. think about it. Also refusal of intimacy by your spouse is a ground for divorce action.
Seek help, stay sane and know that your feelings are valid.

Answer 6

You know, I paid attention to your last question and now I see you have a real problem. Atleast you're asking questions before you go off cheating. Sometimes woman go thru low sex drives or even early stages of manapause. I would say stop saying anything to her about sex. Stop acting like you even want it. I know this has got to be a struggle for you, because anyone that lives someone need to feel that kind of closeness often, or you should want to feel that person touch you and feel them inside you. Have you tried asking her to get help? Maybe she need some type of medication.This is the first time I have little to offer, it's just my heart go out to you. I have been in a relationship, where the person was always causeing some kind of hardship in our relationship and I didn't want to be touched by him, although I longed for the closeness we use to have. Many mornings and nights I would just look at him and get out of bed before he had a chance to look at me. He was always sleeping around, lying and other things, I could never catch him but I knew. The loneliness that I felt was horrible. Tell her, you are tired of being blamed for her short comings in the bedroom and if she feels like it a chore or nasty to be with you, don't ever worry about you trying to make love to her again. But in the mean time, she need to figure out where this marriage is going. Tell her she need to come up with a valid reason why you are nolonger allowed to touch her and why making love to you has become a chore. Much luck to you.

Answer 7

If he wasn't sitting in the other room watching tv, I'd swear you were my husband! I personally would rather just sleep, I am soo tired after work and kids and cleaning house and cooking dinner and shopping....

Try helping out more, if you don't already, with daily tasks, she may have a little more energy left for you. Also try to mix it up a little. Try some new positions, massage, toys, lotions...whatever she might like. Women dont want just sex, they want a little romance too. I am constantly reminding my hubby that i am not a man...just cuz he grabs my crotch does not mean i am going to get turned on. Women need to be "warmed up" a bit first. Also remember you don't need to have sex to be intimate. I would absolutely love it if my hubby would just lay next to me, hold me and kiss me a little without trying to have sex with me.
Forcing the issue will pressure her and make her even more resistant, thus making both of you more miserable. Just be close to her in other ways, she will come around.
Keep in mind your sex drive is probably different too, men often want it more often than women do.

If my hubby would take my advice, he would probably be getting more, and I would be more "into it" Try it, it cant hurt.

Answer 8

I was married for 13 years. For most of that time I hardly had sex with my husband. I thought I had low sex drive, went to doctors and shrinks. I remember my xhubby telling me fill a jar with marbles when you get married, and take a jar out everytime you have sex and the jar will never empty. He was right. I'm no longer married, but found out I could have great sex with another partner. Figure out how to make her happy and change her perception of you and maybe you can find that special sex again.

Answer 9

Don't complain! Complaining will make your wife hate you! Try to tell her you want sex without complaining about the sex you don't have. When she does have sex with you, appreciate it! There is nothing worse then giving your husband what he has been asking for then hearing it's not enough. Try not to think of it as rejection. Your wife probably loves you very much, but is just really tired. Try taking her on a vacation and see what happens :)

Answer 10

If YOU ARE being supportive, loving, helpful, and making her feel needed and beautiful and she still doesn't respond to you then she can't have any feelings left for you at all. Divorce seems to be the answer. You could always take a lover, but it could make things worse for you in the long run as long as you are still married.

Answer 11

danger danger danger!!! I respect your openness,you are the perfct example of why alot of men cheat...women take note next time you use sex as a tool,very sad when and if you cheat(dont do it)it will be your fault too,and you will be the bad guy when really its her....she can be pissed at you ,but women again never use.or deny sex out of anger or to teach,its like food to a man,if you dont feed him he will eat else where,I know alot of guys hate the idea of counceling,but have you considerd? or at least a mediator,becuse you will not be able to talk to her,there is some issue.(2 sides to every)go get help and try to save your marriage,hang in there dont cheat if it comes to where you think you might leave the marriage,