How do I change the person I have become?

Question

I have spent my whole life trying so hard not to become my father that I became my mother instead.

I love my mum but really don't like her as a person (nor do alot of other people). I'm now 29 and can see so much of my mother in myself I'm beging to dislike the person I have become. I know it is part of life that we take on traits of or parents and that it's unavoidable but this is beyond that.

I take a look at myself and see that parts I don't like but have no idea how to recondition myself so I can be more like me and less like her.

Answer 1

Write a list of all the things you are doing that you don't like. Then try, one at a time, to change each behavior. Don't go to the second until you have conquered the first.

I see all of my parents bad qualities in me--and none of their many good ones. That makes me quite sad, and I am working on it in the same way I've suggested to you. It is working, but it takes a lot of time and patience. A therapist told me to do this.

Answer 2

Hmm. I wish I could help you more, but I am not sure if you are trying to change your thoughts, or your appearance.

If you are trying to change your thoughts, then read the book titled "Pivot: How One Turn In Attitude Can Lead To Success"

It's a phenomonal book.

Other then that, there are a lot of other books on attitude, how to become a better person.

When I was younger, I never wanted to be like my Mom. I almost hated her. But growing as a person, I realized that no matter what, I still came from her, and the personality traits that you inherit are almost permanent.

Answer 3

Well the fact that you have noticed it is the first step. The brain is like a muscle in the sense that you have to exercise it. Every time you notice a particular thing that you did that you don't like, stop and spend a few moments thinking about it. Put a picture in your mind about it so that you won't forget the action
it may not work every time but as you practice more and more, you will find that you are more aware of the behavior and you will be less likely to do it.

Answer 4

it just takes being very aware of what you say and do until it starts to become natural..........think about the things you want to get rid of and focus on them one or two at a time. Focus on these traits set into motion a plan on what you want to stop and how you will replace it, give it time and eventually you will whittle away at your list. The further you get down the list the easier and quicker it will get/