Cheating Spouse who is hiding computer entries?

Question

Wife admits brief affair. Says she goes into adult chat rooms and all is fantasy. But, she says rather than letting me see the entries I can go my own way. She says she is too embarrassed to let me see the items as they are crude and sexual. But I already found some of them printed out ao I can't see why the rest could not be seen. I have 24 years in so I would prefer no divorce but I have to think there is something in there that if I see will make me want to divroce her. Any advice or similar experience

Answer 1

Yeah, I have had a similar experience. I found out that my ex was talking to some chick online and I played lil miss P.I. and got my heart broken. I invested 7 years into this relationship so I couldn't imagine 24. I didn't break up with him though..we talked and hashed it out..It was all a "fantasy" and yada yada..and he didn't mean anything to him, so he said. If it really bothers you and you want to see it that bad..Let her know..But beware, it could rip your heart out. Especially if there is emotional connections involved. Either way to me, It's cheating. Well, Good Luck! I'm sure I didn't really help much.

Answer 2

Hi i am going through same situation but partner doing this with mobile phones...i have found the bills horrendous they are..and he denies and looks me straight in the eyes before i show him the bills.........and then he says what can i say..this is second time i forgave him the first 1600 texts a month he has been doing..i do beleive some people have an addictive gene...and until they get help can do nothing about it...i have been living with this now for three years but i did not know this again until i recently found another two years of bills.. i still love my partner but the lies have now got beyond me..this is what is hard to take..so you are not alone.....Sandie.

Answer 3

Wife admits brief affair? Friend your marriage is already done stick a fork in it. When trust is gone so is the marriage unless you enjoy being a doormat. Take the family jewels that she pulled from your pants back and hand her a large pickel to play with on your final trip out the door.

Answer 4

I had a similar problem. Basically you need to let her know that since she was the one who betrayed your trust she needs to let you read it and decide for yourself if you want to heal the relationship or leave. She shouldn't be allowed to deceive you again by hiding things so you can stay. You might want to let things calm a bit and heal yourself a bit before you get into the details. She might not be revealing the full extent and it might be what's written in the messages. She might have said not so good things about you and that is why she's hiding it. She doesn't need to have slept with anyone for it to be called cheating so don't let her get away with all that fantasy crap! Good luck!

Answer 5

David, it sounds like you have 4 dogs and one b***h. I found out my husband was chatting with others. He called it fantasy even though he was asking for sex and arranging places and times to meet. Don't be a sucker for her saying she'd be too embarrassed for you to look. She means that she knows you would be hurt.
I told my husband he cheated on me in his heart. He pretended to put up a farce about working on our marriage. His words, his emailing, his talking to other "answerers" about his body parts and theirs IS CHEATING. He said he never had contact and the other party agreed, he still chose to be unfaithful to me and our children.
Take my advice and confront her.
Tell her that if she put into yours and hers relationship the same amount of time she was putting into the freaking computer, you could have a better relationship.

I am still trying to get over the pain and know how to sort through our relationship.

Confront her.

Answer 6

Gosh David. Twenty four years and this is how she respects you. The fact that she says you can go your own way clearly communicates to me she no longer gives a crap about you or your feelings, that she is selfish AND definitely NOT worth being YOUR wife.
It is heartbreaking to hear about all the destruction adult chat rooms are causing and it is only getting worse. My ex DENIED participating in video adult chat rooms. Day by day he grew more and more selfish, hateful and detached from our union. I still hurt when I think about his newly found hobbie and want to blame him AND all the nasty, sleazy sluts whom degrade themselves participating in this destructive activity.
I have found NO way to erase nor forgive his perverted participation as it is evident to me he will live his last days a lonely man.
Best wishes for happiness to you, David.

Answer 7

David there is nothing left in that marriage despite your 24 years so i advise you to seek a divorce and make it quick to move out, i find that rather sad

Answer 8

well well so you have finally woke up mate you have 24 years in and your wife is fantasising on the chat rooms it is not her fault it is down to you if she has to go on the net to find someone to care and give her sexual entertainment you must ask why she isn't getting it of her partner and no you have no right checking her entries every one is entitled to privacy so get scrubbed up and take her to town admit your neglect and spruce up your lives good luck Dave

Answer 9

if you already know the nature of the things she has been writing then there is nothing there that will make you want to divorce her. she is embarrassed and she has a right to be, but she also needs to take responsibility, just saying she did it is not fixing the problem. she needs to stop.

Answer 10

you know, she may be telling the truth! I know that sounds crazy, but allot of women and men do that. it kind of adds a little excitement in their life and sometimes enhances their sexual appetite. I know its worng but she is not the only one. Remeber at least she is at home. Now go give her a really hot and heavy love session and see how good it is.