So if marriage isn't all about sex, how come when people cheat it usually ends in divorce?

Question

I hate it when people are hypocrites and say that marriage is not all about sex. Why is it then that it will cost you everything (divorce) if you decide to have fun on the side with another woman?

I realize marriage is not 100% sex but it has to be at least 85%.

Otherwise it would not be such a big deal to cheat.

Well women (and dudes) what do you think?

Answer 1

A divorce caused by cheating is more about trust and less about sex.

Answer 2

You've posted several questions on this same vein, so I'm guessing you're looking for validation that you're right. You may want to skip this one.

A "good" marriage isn't all about sex. A "good" marriage is more than the physical, because, reality time, sex doesn't stay the same for the life span of a marriage. There are times when work, children, your health, and age, can come into play and make sex the furtherest thing from your mind. Well, maybe it's on your mind, but it's not going anywhere else.

Cheating on your spouse can potentially cost you the marriage. Cheating implies that you are not committed to the marriage, or that you are not worthy of being entrusted with the other person's dreams, and hopes. Lying can be just as detrimental to the marriage. How do you trust someone who would lie to you? Especially, to use one of your other posts, lie about something major like the purchase of a new car, or where you really were last Friday night when you said you were working late?

When you age, sex isn't even 20% of the marriage. In some cases, it's darn close to 0%. Marriages can survive that. I have a friend whose husband had prostrate cancer. There is no sex life for them anymore. They still love each other, and they are still married. Being together is what's important, having someone you can believe in and trust, someone who you know will be there for you no matter what. That's a marriage.

Answer 3

There are many ways to let a person down in a marriage. Sex just has the biggest charge on it but it is not the most important. We just make sex the most important through our responses to an unfaithful mate. Religion plays a very big part of the sex charade as well.

I would venture to say if sex with another person is the sole cause of your leaving I bet your didn't deeply truely love your mate to begin with. Real love of another does not end with a mistake. Part of being in a full responsive partnership is taking responsebility for your culpability in a failure.

Throwing away an established life carries some major loses when it breaks apart. If you have children then the fallout is even more amplified. A reasoning person would take a long look at the consequences before ending a marriage because of a personal glitch that may have been a manifestation created by the both of you. If this is the case why should only one person in the union carry the full blame?

Nothing happens in a vacuum. There are reasons behind all actions. I know if the woman I loved very deeply had an affair I will do some major probing of her and myself before I called a lawyer. True love is hard to find in this world. Because someone slips doesn’t mean his or her love for you has ended.

It is a small mind and heart that can't forgive. The kind thing to do is allow your partner the opportunity to reenter into the marriage with full respect. This may prove to be the best thing for you. Why? You may not realize the value of this person to you life until years later long after all have been lost. Many people regret leaving a marriage over some issue after they gain the insight of the 20 20 vision of hindsight.

Answer 4

I don't think marriage is all about sex but it is a big part of the connection.When two people form a relationship they usually base it on trust, honesty and commitment.When a couple makes this connection they usually depend on the other to be faithful psychically and emotionally.If one of the partners in this relationship cheats on the other it breaks the bond of trust, honesty and emotional commitment. If any of these are violated the relationship will suffer because of it. So many people stray in a relationship and break the bond that held them together simple because they want sex from another person. Sex in a relationship is usually the result of the trust, honesty and emotional needs being full filled by both partners if one breaks the bond then everything is spoiled.

Answer 5

I think it's because the bond between a man and his wife is about forsaking all others. In other words; it means that this man has chosen this female above all others he's been with to love, honor, and cherish, until death do them part. Women tend to take these vows very seriously and sex is just that until a man and a woman commit themselves to each other legally; and then that's when the making love comes into place. Also, once this bond has been broken/violated it's like having your first birthday; it only happens once in a lifetime, and once it's over; it's over. The same thing occurs with infidelity, we consider what we share with our husbands as the best of the best, and feel the same way about what you give us. However, nothing cheapens that quicker than finding out that you've been sharing that with another female. It also takes away any trust, respect, and communication that may have been between the two people in the past. That my friend is my take on this matter...........

Answer 6

Honey you are so wrong!
Betrayal is a hell of a thing.
When you love someone and they betrayed you then you would know what it feels like. Its nothing about sex its about sharing that part of you that you swore to only give to that person you will really feel the pain. Cherishing the love that you guys share and you are trying to make a marriage work and something like that happens over sex! Man it really hurts.
Marriage is not only about sex it is about companionship. A lot of people think that marriage is to have sex freely but actually marriage is not what it is cracked up to be it is hard work because you have to make it sail and some people just try stopping off short. So hear what get married and you'll see yourself what marriage could be. Its mostly fun but its hard at times but the fun times always over shadow the bad ones.
Ensure that the person who marries you cherishes you...

Answer 7

Marriage is about commitment and trust. If a spouse cheats they have broken that bond of trust.

Just by the way you are talking you are one of two things...1) young and have never been married or 2) someone that got caught got with their hand in the proverbial cookie jar. Either way if you were a mature adult you would know that marriage is NOT about sex. It is a deep and binding faith in another person. It is knowing that someone is there for you, loves you completely (faults and all) and would do nothing to hurt you.

If their is something wrong in a marriage that is leading a person to want to cheat then they should have enough love for their partner to COMMUNICATE with them.

Answer 8

Sex is important, BUT marriage is based on honesty, trust, commitment and love. By having an affair you have thrown honesty, trust and commitment out the window completely. You have also caused your spouse to question your love for them, and rightly so. If you feel the selfish need to "have fun on the side with another woman" why would you bother to get married in the first place?

Answer 9

I don't think marraige is 85% sex. Marraige is much more than that. Yes, sex is very important in a relationship, and without it, I think the marraige will end. But more than having a sex partner, your partner also has to be your best friend.

But I think cheating ends marraiges because it is betrayal. When someone cheats, they are saying I need more than JUST you. When you get married, you are devoting yourself to that person, and yes, this means in everyway, including sexually.

If you want to be in a relationship, but still cheat, then Marriage is NOT for you.

Answer 10

Of course. the whole Idea of marriage is a pair bond between couples which states __ you are my life mate__ meaning, sex partner, basically.

People on this site are many times young, never married people, FAR more people STAY together after infidelity than you ever know.
Believe me.....It's WAY more common than anyone thinks.

Infidelity is actually not the biggest cause of divorce, not being able to work out your problems is. A marriage can weather any storm who is able to work it out and be happy regardless of the transgression.

Answer 11

Because sexual cheating is also emotional cheating. If your spouse sleeps with someone else, it is like saying "Your not good enough" or "I don't care enough about you to keep myself for you". Part of the traditional marriage vows say "forsaking all others" that means there will an emotional and intimate relationship that is cherished between those two people only and reserved for those two people only. When you cheat, you break your marriage vows and therefore, break the bonds of marriage.

And adultery is also a sin.