Wife not interested in sex......?

Question

I have finally come to the conclusion i need to do something about my life.... as im feeling more and more upset with life in general as each day passes. I am 27 (male) and my partner is 26.(female) We have been living together for the past 4 years and got together 8 years ago. My sex life has seriosly deteriorated over the past 5 years... i noticed things were going wrong 5 years ago when we started to have sex once every two weeks.over time we are now at sex every 4/5 months :< I shower my partner with love and make sure she wants for nothing. I have a good job and am be no means ugly. I have tried talking to my partner about our problem, taken her away for weekends, offered to go to relate (she wouldnt!), and its made no difference. She says she just isnt interested in sex anymore, bit she still love me.I feel like i have exhausted every option i have.I have been faith to her from day 1 of our relationship and have put up with little sex for 5 years
Do i cave in and have an affair?

Answer 1

Iam the same way though...wait have you ever hit your wife???
Dont have an affair if anything, end your relationship and start over before your tooooo old!

Answer 2

Based on your statements, here are the possible solutions for your problem before you cave in and have an affiar:

1) It could be hormonal imbalances, and can be fixed by a physician. Take her to a good gynocologist.

2) It could be any medicines side effects, if she is taking any other medicine. Talk to your doctor.

3) Sex counellors can help you, seek their advice.

4) Maybe she is not sexually satisfied with you. Talk to her. An honest and good communication is the key of a successful relationship. Tell her everything, every feelings and ask her what is her main cause of problem. Only if she tells you what is the problem, you can then solve the problem. Be open, ask her what should you do to fulfill your sexual desire, if she is not interested to have sex. Maybe she has an answer for you. Just ask her. Have an honest communication.

5) If nothing works, tell her frankly you want to go in your separate way, so that both of you guys can be happier than you having an affiar. Be honest, you don't have to cheat on her.

Good luck!

Answer 3

If u really do love one another, and the sex part is ur only problem, there is one more thing u could try, insist ur wife see a doctor, her hormone levels could be the cause of her loss of interest in sex, or some other physical problem.If she refuses, move on with ur life, u should not be expected to stay in a sexless marriage, especially at ur age. Lay the cards on the table, if she refuses to seek help and refuses to fulfill her duties, divorce is the only option left. With what u have going for u, you should not have a problem finding a partner that will be more than willing to meet ur needs. Sex isn`t everything, but it certainly plays a very important part in a marriage, a loving, bonding closeness between partners and ur missing out on something very meaningful and special. Make a decision and good luck to you both.

Answer 4

Does she say why she is not interested in physical contact with you? So many people are ready to just throw someone aside because of this very issue. But usually there is a reason behind it. Seriously get her to open up. Maybe see a doctor and have things checked out, like hormons and such. That can trigger some real problems. The other thing that comes to mind for me is there some sort of abuse between you two or in her past. We can harbor these intense feelings that can cause us to turn cold toward the one we love. Do you love her? Then you need to work through this. Whether it is emotional or physical, she may not even know what the problem is. But you as the man and needing what she is withholding, need to find the answer, because she is content and doesn't realize what she is putting you through. DH

Answer 5

I don't think having an affair is the answer to your problem. All that will do is give you more problems. If things between you and your wife aren't working out . If she is unwilling to make changes to better your marriage. It is better you divorce than cheat. One thing I can tell you is certain birth control methods kill a woman's sex drive. It could be the reason she's not interested in sex anymore. You should let your wife know that you're considering divorce over this matter. You should also tell her that you don't want your thoughts of divorce to force her into having unwanted sex. Tell her that you want her to seek help for this issue so that you can hopefully stay together. If that doesn't work it is better for both of you to divorce. It is very unfair and heartless to cheat on a person, just so you can have sex with someone else and still keep them under thumb. You need to give her a chance to find happiness with someone else. I hate to say that it sounds a bit fishy to me though. It may be that she's uninterested in sex with you? You may want to find out if she's having sex without you. If I were you I'd check the computer and her job for a better answer to her disinterest. I don't know it just seems strange that she didn't have a better answer than I just don't like it anymore? You just need to sit down and talk to her. If you are well off money wise. It could be that she is cheating but, doesn't want to give up all that money? I'm just throwing out ideas.

Answer 6

It sounds like you've exhausted all your measures. It is time to take the next step. Seek therapy if need be. There may be a reason as to why and then you could work through it. After 8 yrs together, I wonder if you want to be with her for the rest of your life? Sounds like you do. Why jeopardize that by having an affair to tend to your needs. SHe has needs as well and that is not one of them. This has to stem from something. Is she on medication? Depressed? Any children? Did this start withdrawing after having the children? Could be anything. She has told you how she feels and you the same. What does she think of you having an affair? If you can't live like this any longer, you might want to break all ties and find someone who can fulfill ALL your needs. Then you can avoid having an affair. Good luck to you and hope this helped!

Answer 7

Have you tried any type of counseling? If she won't go, you should. You're way too young to be living a life of mediocrity and unhappiness. She might even follow your lead.

Is she basically a happy person? Does she seem depressed?
If you're doing everything you say, something is definitely wrong with this picture. She really might need to see someone. But you can't force her if she doesn't want to go.

Having an affair will not solve ANYTHING! If you really feel you've exhausted every option, make a clean break before starting to see someone else! Good luck to you.

Answer 8

NO. If you feel so desperate that you want to have an affair then it is time to get out. Explain to her how you feel down to the part that you fearing you may have an affair and that you need her to understand. Life is not all about sex but it is an important part. So If she loves you than she will understand and maybe you two will be able to reinvent you missing sex life if not than it really is time to move on. If a 26 year old woman doesnt want to have sex there is a problem.

Answer 9

Having a affair is a big No-No. It's the worst thing you can do to a woman. A woman can lose the desire for having sex and maybe she won't talk about it because she could be embarassed about it or don't know how to handle it. See if she would like to try marriage counseling. Either that or maybe she just doesn't feel herself. When was the last time she had gotten a new look. Gotten her hair done, gotten her nails or new style of make up or clothes. It could be that she just doesn't feel sexy anymore to want to have sex. That can happened to women too. Or the last thing it could be is a sign of a medical problem and she just lost her libido. It's nothing to be embarassed about, it can happened to both men and woman. Just try to be understanding to her and she will appreicate you more for doing that.

Answer 10

why complicate life with an affair ---it's emotionally and financially draining better to get a hobby that you can find to take up time .---- you could also gently suggest hormones to your partner. This is a medical alternative to put some spice in your life sometimes women need male hormones to promote these feelings. It is only a short term solution (6 month implant) not expensive and a lot of fun for both but don't nag just try to be even more caring and loving work towards a better future.....

Answer 11

Do not have an affair. That would be a real a$$hole move.

Have you considered that sex just isn't enjoyable for her? It could because of you, but more likely she has a medical issue that affects her sexual pleasure. See if you can convince her to talk to her gynocologist about it and try to find a solution that helps restore her libido.

If she won't talk to her doctor about it and it becomes clear that the situation is never going to change, then you have a decision to make. You need to figure out if you can handle staying with her and not having sex. If you can't, then you need to end the relationship BEFORE you pursue other sexual opportunities. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. So to speak =).